55 for Luck

A moment of panic overcame him

as he lost sight of her in the crowd.

Time was running short

and he dare not miss his opportunity.

He searched madly,

knowing she would be hard not to see.

She stood out.

As the clock struck twelve

theirs was a good luck kiss for the New Year.

_________________________

Happy New Year to All!

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.

________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge

write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.

I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

What The Hell Wednesday - Oh Canada!

It seems that What The Hell Wednesday has primarily focused on the good old US of A with a foray or two into Europe I really don't keep track of that kind of detail so if you want to verify, just hit my WTHW archives. So today we visit our fine and friendly neighbors to the north who brought you Molson, Arctic air currents with tons of snow and my friend at Absolutely Narcissism. Really...she is VERY funny and you should go see her.

Drunken Snowmobiler Taunts Police

Mounties say a man was so drunk he thought it would be a good idea to taunt police by spinning his snowmobile around a parking lot while swearing at officers.


Selkirk RCMP say the bizarre incident began around 12:30 a.m. Friday in a hotel parking lot in Petersfield, north of Winnipeg.


The man finally fell off his snowmobile right in front of officers in the midst of his antics, said RCMP.


Police arrested a 35-year-old man from the Rural Municipality of St. Andrews and impounded a 2011 Polaris snowmobile.

Imagine that....a drunken Canadian. Will wonders never cease...eh? Okay, yes, I am stereotyping, but that is just part of the fun of What The Hell Wednesday, it give me free reign to get obnoxious. You know, to be an ugly American. We are soooo good at it.

What I really love about this story is the drunken snowmobiler is riding in circles around the mounties. For some reason this brings to mind the scene in Indiana Jones where the giant of Arabic decent see I can be politically correct brandishes his sword as Indy pulls out a gun and shoots him. Can't you just picture the mounties shaking their heads, pulling out their pistols attached around their necks ala Dudley Dooright and firing away until the bullet riddled snowmobile falls silent. Snowmobiler should have known you done bring a knife to a gun fight.

But in reality, snowmobile guy ends up being so drunk that he falls off the vehicle at the feet of the RCMP. Classic. This is right out of a McKenzie Brothers movie, eh? What was he yelling at the cops? "Eff off you hosers!"? I just wish my imagination was so vivid that I could make this stuff up, but....this is a true story.

I am sure the Mounties looked at the fallen snowmobiler at their feet, shook their heads and said "What the Hell, eh?"

One Shot - Fate

Face to face for the first time
yet souls that had been together
for an eternity
connected,
safe,
familiar.
Feelings open and honest
brothers and sisters,
husbands and wives,
lovers
from another time and place
few gain this opportunity
and fewer still understand and follow.
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.
__________________________________

Sunday 160 - Aftermath

 A glow of spent happiness filled the air.

 Ribbons and wrap littered the floor

 as satisfied smiles

 long lingered

 across the faces

 of Santas of all ages and sizes.

_____________________

For the original Sunday 160

 post click here.

If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

 

Hope all your Christmases were full of happiness and joy.

Christmas Checklist - 55

Reviewing my check list,

I ticked them off one by one.

Decorating, shopping, card mailing all done.

But something disturbed me.

Something was amiss.

Was it leaving out mistletoe and missing a kiss?

No, that too, was checked off

but what was it that remained?

Yes!

A Merry Christmas to blogdom

and new friendships gained.

_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge

write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.

I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

What The Hell Wednesday - Santa's Got A Gun

Somehow I just knew the seamy underbelly of America would come through at Christmas time with an appropriate Holiday story. So I proudly present to you the following as compiled by our dear friends at the Associated Press. Do they still have jobs?

'Santa Claus' robs Rhode Island yacht club bar

EAST PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Call it a ho-ho-holdup. (no I didn't add this line....AP gets all the discredit)

Police say a man dressed as Santa Claus has robbed a Rhode Island yacht club. A bartender was alone in the East Providence Yacht Club Sunday night when a large man wearing a red suit, red hat, white beard and carrying a sack walked into the bar and brandished a gun.

The bartender fled and ran to a nearby business where she called 911. By the time police arrived, the Santa bandit - as well as an undetermined amount of cash from the register - was missing.

No arrests have been made.

I just love that last line. I am sure it is there to assure all the kiddies out there that Santa will still show up on Christmas eve and that he isn't waiting in the poky for the elves to bail him out.

Part of me wants to dispel this story as something AP made up just to use the "Ho ho hold-up" line and here's why....The bar at a yacht club is empty except for the bartender. I mean really. This is about as believable as the tooth fairy, Sasquatch and, well, Santa Claus. You've all heard the term "drinks like a sailor". No yacht club bar would ever be empty.

Now, then again, maybe this bartender is the guilty party. A fictitious character shows up (mind you a fictitious character renown for giving gifts and being friendly to all); pulls out a gun (jolly old St. Nick with a gun?); and steals cash? No one else is around to see? Soooo, who do you think the police should be looking for? The gun toting Santa (antithesis of what the REAL Santa is supposed to be) OR barely eking out a living bartender tired of ogles, stares and pinches from drunken yachtsmen. Hmmmm.

Regardless of who the actual guilty party is, I am sure once the East Providence police heard the bartender's story, they looked at one another and said (all together now) "What the Hell?"

__________________________________

On another note. I just got back from my annual check up at the doctor (no...not the full on glove treatment kind, just the let's chat and take your blood kind) and as I was waiting to have my blood drawn, I noticed the nurse looking at a small bottle. What got my attention was the label on the bottle. It looked like an airline size booze bottle with peaches on the label.

I asked the nurse what was in the bottle, to which she replied, "A urine sample. Strangest thing I've ever seen a sample come in." I promptly burst out laughing. Some idiot peed in this tiny booze bottle (can you imagine the mess that would make - the opening on those bottles are minuscule) that is probably unsanitized so he or she could try to pass a UA.

Can't you just hear it? "I'm sorry, sir (or madam) but you failed your urine analysis. It was quite high in alcohol content. Perhaps next time you night consider giving it to us in something different than a peach schnapps bottle."

People amaze me.

Brain Worm - Sunday 160

The Worm was everywhere.
He loved this time of year.
In stores.
In the car.
Even on television.
He left his merry tune.
“Have a Holly Jolly Christmas”, he said.
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.
____________________

There are certain songs that are just plain evil we love to hear at this time of year. Hear just a word or two and the song gets stuck in your mind for what seems like, well, forever.The blessed Burl Ives' "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" does that to me....it creeps sickeningly into my head sticks....and since this is a time of year to be generous, I thought I should share. So I give this gift to each and every one of you. Enjoy and have a great week before Christmas.

Frozebud - 55

Early cold can strike at the heart
leaving life alone
to never know the beauty
of being in full bloom.
Rather to prune frozen feelings
of a life left unfulfilled
than to allow the rot
of the past
to prevent a healthy start
in Spring’s new beginnings.

Winters will pass.

New blooms will be revealed.
_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge

write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.

I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

What The Hell Wednesday - The Naked Truth

Welcome back to What The Hell Wednesday where we strip stories down and analyze the possibilities behind the published reports. I must admit I was torn today because there were several stories that were just too good to pass up. I skipped the story of the woman who beat her husband for bringing home cold take out and figured it would be more fun to flesh out the following two stories. That's right I was too wishy washy to pick just one.

Security Camera Snaps Man in Cemetery

PICAYUNE, Mississippi - A man caught naked in a church cemetery says he was trying to take photographs of spirits. Robert Hurst told The Picayune Item that he removed his clothes because he believes skin is the best canvas to show spirits' orbs of energy.

The 47-year-old said he only intended to remove his shirt, but he took off all his clothes - a move he now calls "stupid."

Authorities had set up a motion-activated camera to try to catch vandals. The chief deputy in Pearl River County said Hurst was not accused of vandalism, but the camera caught an unexpected image of Hurst naked and landed him a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure.

Postal Employee Arrested for Delivering Mail Naked

WHITEFISH BAY, Wis. - A Wisconsin postal carrier says he simply wanted to cheer up a woman who seemed "stressed out" when he decided to deliver mail in the buff. But upon further review, the worker told police that delivering mail while completely naked probably wasn't a good idea.

A police report says the 52-year-old man told the woman he would deliver the mail in the nude to her office in Whitefish Bay to make her laugh. The report says that on Dec. 4 he brought the mail wearing only a smile.

The mail carrier was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior several days later. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel says the man admitted delivering the mail naked was a stupid thing to do.

Well how about that! Both of these guys admit their actions were a stupid thing to do. How mature. Is there hope here that either one has a brain in his head? I doubt it. So let's dress these stories down one item at a time, starting with - Naked Cemetery Guy.

First off, don't you think this guy spends a bit too much time watching Ghost Adventures or Ghost Hunters of one of those other 'searching for afterlife' shows? I mean really. I have my beliefs and have even posted about a personal experience. But I didn't get naked. Do ghosts really get all turned on by the "canvas" of a naked body? I don't think so. I think what we have here is a nut job that likes to get naked in cemeteries....plain and simple.

As to Naked USPS Dude - Yeah, that's what brings most women out of a funk....seeing their mailman stripped to the bone. Ack! That doesn't sound right and now I have an even worse picture of the incident in my brain...GET IT OUT!

This brings a whole new definition to the term "delivering a package". Oh, yes. It's bad pun time. We can have some fun with this one. The mail carrier is now the butt of all jokes down at the post office and everyone knows what he has in his mail bag.

We all know for certain that the people who viewed the cemetery video and the poor woman who was in need of a smile did a double take and said, "What the Hell?"

One Shot - Still Waters

Silhouetted by the dampened glare of street lights,
the beautifully curved form glanced skyward
trying to find romance in stars
lost to the impenetrable gray
of late night clouds.
Her long graceful fingers
slowly sliding over her slender waist
and round hips
as if imagining her hands
as those of a longed for lover.
Wetness dripped tears of rain
down the window before her,
matching the mascara tinted dew
falling from her lashes.
She hoped the rain
would wash away the gloom
and once again flood her heart
with the love of another.
She felt deserving
and knew desire.
But wanted a real
and tender love
tinged with passion
yet full of understanding.
It was there for her
if she had patience.
If she could wade through
the shallow puddles of a man
and find the depth of soul
to match the soul she carried within.
The silhouette slipped on her rain boots
and walked out into heaven’s tears
in search of puddles to splash
and deep waters from which to drink.
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.
__________________________________

Sunday 160 - A Cymbal of Excellence

Percussion was his love and strength.
His dream was to entertain in public all the time.
He practiced for hours and hours
until he made his unforgettable debut.



_____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.
____________________

Friday 55 with a twist

Hey all!

This week I am participating not only in Mr. Knowitall's Flash Fiction Friday 55, but am also linking to Ghost Hunting Theories first annual Blogger Zombie Walk.

So here is my 55 word entry for the Zombie Walk. It allows me to feed my addiction to G-Man's 55 and to fulfill a promise to GHT. Besides....it's fun and isn't that what this is all about?

______________________________________

A muffled shuffling sound came down the chimney flue

as the excited children gathered around the hearth.

Their eyes and hearts filled with anticipation

as sooty dust drifted out toward them.

First one black boot, then another.

Followed by a red and white suited figure.

The children screamed

as the ashen faced creature mumbled

“Brains!”

For more Flash Fiction 55's Visit Mr. Knowitall.

For more Zombie Walk offerings check out these participating blogs: Ghost Hunting Theories; Gnostalgia; The Caffeinated Zombie; Improbable Frontiers; Anything Horror; Above-The-Norm: Bizarre Arizona; The Digital Looking Glass; Strange State; Hayes Hudson’s House of Horror; Echoes In the Abyss; Not Worth Mentioning; The Misadventures of HalloweeNut; Haunt Jaunts; Holly's Horrorland; and LeoGodin.

What The Hell Wednesday - Blind drunk, that is

Welcome back to What The Hell Wednesday where we bring you an enlightened and light hearted look at life on the seamy side. This week we take a look at the ultimate in drunkenness. This dude is a doozy.

Man Who Says He Is Blind Arrested for DUI

BARTLESVILLE, Oklahoma -- A 41-year-old Bartlesville man being arraigned for DUI, leaving the scene of an accident, driving under suspension and assault on a police officer was re-arrested for reportedly being drunk after he fell down before the judge.

A short time later, Mark Watson failed a breathalyzer test administered by sheriff's deputies.

The initial charges stemmed from Watson's arrest early Monday morning after he had reportedly been involved in a hit and run crash in Bartlesville.

Bartlesville Police investigating the 2:28 a.m. crash found Watson's vehicle and questioned him.

In the probable cause affidavit filed with the court, Watson told officers, "I'm #*$%ing drunk, I was driving but I did not run the stop sign. That a##%& hit me."

The affidavit goes on to say Watson refused to take a blood or breath test, telling the officers, "I ain't taking no *#$%ing tests. I'm *#$%ing drunk. I'm blind anyways and I can't drive."

Police say he also kicked an officer during the arrest.

This is so much fun. Don't you love that long list of charges? What an effing idiot. At the first arrest he never denies being drunk but tries to place the blame on the other driver....as in "I wouldn't have been caught if it weren't for that a**hole." Then goes on in an attempt to lie his way out of even being at the scene. "I can't drive. I'm blind." Blind drunk, maybe. Blind to your own stupidity for certain. Finally, to make darn sure they know he is serious about his idiocy, he kicks the officer. Apparently, he isn't so blind that he can't locate a shin.

But wait! He also shows up before the judge drunk!!! Way to go buddy. I am sure he just wanted to hear the judge repeat that famous Dean Wormer quote from Animal House: "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Another story I read about this case had Watson seated in the jury box waiting his trial, falling over and hitting his head. Bwahahahaha. This is the stuff of great slapstick comedy. Dude proceeded to fail a field sobriety test right there in court.

There is no doubt in my mind after hearing the hollow "Thonk" sound of Watson's head hitting the wood jury box, the judge said "What the Hell?"

One Shot - Hidden Hurt

Reflecting a radiant exterior,
younger than the years they had seen,
strong enough to be called upon
to twist, turn and grip
where others had failed.
But beneath the healthy appearance
lay constant pain.
Only small scars
and imperceptible deformities
reveal historic hints of tiredness.
Gnarled knuckles
nor disfigured digits
announce troubles within.
The hands appear with the same outward smile
borne on the face of their owner.

__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.
__________________________________

Sunday 160 - Frozen Fire

The frozen winter wind penetrated

layers of clothing

and chilled to the bone.

Even the fires of a sunset

couldn't remove the cold

that descended upon the earth.
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.
____________________

Naughty or Nice - 55

The young street walker

stood over the small bearded man.

Gritting her teeth in anger,

she dropped the smoking gun

that had been firmly grasped in her right hand.

She stumbled back in horror at the sight and screamed

“Everything would have worked out fine

if you had just stopped calling me ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’“.
_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - Fat, but not so jolly

Apparently, it was a hugely disappointing holiday shopping day for two women in Edmond, Oklahoma. While expecting an enormous haul for their holidays, they ended up with a big fat nothing....expect for the marks on their police records.

Face it. You just can't pass on a story with a headline that reads.....

Women accused of hiding merchandise in body fat

EDMOND, OK -- Two women arrested for shoplifting used their bodies to conceal the goods. Edmond police say it was at the TJ Maxx that loss prevention officers found the duo stuffing items under their belly fat and breasts.

It was said the women took four pair of boots, three pair of jeans, a wallet and gloves; $2,600 worth of store merchandise.

Ailene Brown, 28, and 37-year-old Shmeco Thomas were arrested for shoplifting and are facing felony charges.

Officer James Hamm said, "These two were actually concealing them in areas of their body where excess skin was, under their chest area and armpits."

They also had a knife hidden in a purse that they used to cut off store security tags.

Now I wish I could remove my brain and scrub the image this story created right out of my mind. As I read this, I was constantly stopping to swallow the vomit that formed at the back of my throat and mumbling - Ewwwww. Lifting the fat under their armpits??? Bellies??? And Boobs??? ARMPITS!!!! Just how fat are these two? And who let them out of the freak show at Ringling Bros to go shopping? Oh, God! Now the who thing is replaying in my mind again. Aaaaaaa....help me.

Okay, now that I have that out of my system, let's review the facts. The first thing that strikes me is that they actually carry a purse (or purses). Then again, maybe they needed the purses in order to clear out space for all the stuff they planned to pilfer in their fat rolls.

The second is the shear volume of stolen merchandis: FOUR pairs of boots; THREE pairs of jeans (can you imagine the size of those jeans?); and a wallet and gloves. Why bother with the wallet and gloves? Maybe that's where the armpit folds came into play. Urrrp. Sorry, I threw up into my mouth again.

Last, can you picture the looks on the loss prevention officers' faces as they searched for the shoplifted loot? I am sure as they gagged back the up-chuck bubbling from their stomachs, one of them blurted out "What the Hell?"

One Shot - Stone Man

No super human feat this

turning man into stone.

Simple comments garbled by hardened hearing

cause an avalanche of negative emotion.

Withdrawn to the cave for companionship

of the familiar singularity,

Stone Man builds his walls.

Rock by rock.

Mortar filled.

He surrounds himself with ignorance

and self deception.

Jaw tightly shut as a concrete barrier

no words can escape to help soften Stone Man's

prison of hard headedness.

A touch.
Kind words.
Knock at the walls

and the rock exterior.
Cracks begin.
Rocks shatter to dust.
Stone Man emerges - human.
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.
__________________________________

What a tangled Sunday 160

Neatly packed and stored eleven months ago,
they somehow emerge a tangled mess.
What exactly is it Christmas lights do
in those boxes from December to November?
____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

What The Hell Wednesday - This Stinks

When it comes to the unusual, I just can't resist, and this theft doesn't just teeter on the unusual, it jumps right off bizarre bluffs. I mean, if you're gonna steal....make it worth while. Or make it worth me having a great time making fun of your stupidity. So as read in the Athens Banner-Herald.

Store has second deodorant theft in a week

Police in Georgia said a man attempted to steal several deodorant sticks from a pharmacy that was struck by a similar crime a week earlier.

Athens-Clarke County police said the man was caught on a security camera fleeing the store Friday with nine sticks of deodorant in four varieties stuffed into his cargo pants.

Police said the incident took place exactly one week after employees stopped a woman from stealing 12 deodorant sticks from the shelves.

Police were searching for the latest thief.

OKAY then. Stealing deodorant. If he needed it that badly, I am sure bloodhounds would have no problem following his trail. But then again, maybe it's not him with the odor issue. Maybe it's his family and he is just tired of having to put up with the smell. But nine sticks? That's either a very big family or a very big smell.

Apparently each family member has discerning tastes in deodorant - nine sticks in four varieties. This must have made for interesting conversation once the thief returned home.

Thief: "Alright, everbuddy, I went and picked up yer deodorant. Now maybe you kin stop stinkin' so much. Billy Bob, I got yer Old Spice stick right cheer and I is sure it will make you all muscly like the feller on them commercials. Daisy May, my sweet little flower, now you kin stop smellin' like them pigs. I got ya Dove 'cause I know how you likes to eat them little critters. An' Ma, I got that there Right Guard fer ya, since yer built like a guard. The rest of ya's kin just fight over what's left."

Okay, I know what you're saying "But Monkey Man, the thief is from Georgia and you have him talking like some Kentucky Hillbilly." Yes, that's right I do. I guess it's just easier for me to type "Jethro" than "Nascar". So tough knobs if you don't like it.

Oh, one more thing - This was the second deodorant theft in a week!?! Do you think they might be related? Or was there just a bit of a warm spell in that area over the past couple of weeks that had folks sweating up a storm?

At any rate, can't you just see the puzzled looks on the security guys as they watched this doofus jam deodorant into his pockets, glanced over at each other and said "What the Hell?"

Rounded Corners Do Not Make A Square

Fitted sheet,
Oh, fitted sheet
On how to fold you
I admit defeat.
I tuck and turn until I am blue
but I just cannot make a rectangle of you.

Why can’t you be like your king size cousin,
the perfect shape I can fold by the dozen.

Fitted sheet,
Oh fitted sheet.
Around my mattress you are so snug.
But when it comes to folding you
I feel I am on a drug.

Your corners they are so misnamed
and it is on them
the horrible folding is blamed.

In the closet I will put you away,
a wadded mess is how you will stay.
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

__________________________________

Inspiration can come in the oddest forms. In this case, it is the obvious frustration that overcame me as I was folding laundry. Yes, I do domestic chores. I like things tidy, even in a closet. So every time it comes to folding fitted sheets I wrestle and pull and tug and fold and scream - which scares the dog - then stuff the wad into the linen closet. Should I farm this out? Can they be folded.....properly? Am I doomed to fitted sheet frustration forever?

Life is full of questions. I hope all of yours are answered.

Fly Agaric - Sunday 160

Intense rain seeping deeply into soil,

feeding creatures long left dormant.

Rising larger than life

from the spongy earth,

giving way to beauty unseen for ages.
____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

Tribute to Galen - 55

Ever so meticulous in his work,

his mind focused on the tiniest details.

Working sinew, bone and flesh

until he knew all of mankind

would benefit from his loving labors.

An original.

The leader in his field.

Neither gaping sword wound

nor lion claw laceration

could deter him from his duties.

Galen: Father of Anatomy.

_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - He'd Stand Out In a Crowd

This week's What the Hell Wednesday offers up an excerpt from the Boston Globe making fun of a report from Harvard University. I guess when you are consistently referred to as one of the most prestigious universities in the United States, you may be scrutinized. So check this out.

Harvard puts out warning after robbery - Ooops!

Harvard University officials are warning students, faculty, and staff to be vigilant and take precautions, after an armed robbery early Thursday in historic Harvard Yard.

A male unaffiliated with the university was robbed at gunpoint by an unknown male as he walked through the yard near Thayer Hall, a freshman dormitory, about 2:45 a.m. Thursday, an advisory posted on the university police department’s website said.

The robber was described as a Hispanic man in his 20s, 55 feet 9 inches tall with a thin build, facial hair, and dark clothing, including a black baseball hat.

Well now. This fella shouldn't be too hard to find. Perhaps he is the long lost son of the 50' Woman. For those of you born after 1958, and there are many of you, check out this trailer.



If nothing else, you would think the guy wouldn't have to stoop (groan) to petty thievery and would be a sure thing on the Harvard basketball team. Assuming he could fit inside the gym.

Of course, there is always the chance the description was in error. But this is Harvard! They are too smart to make mistakes....riiiight!?! In any case, if it were a typo, I am sure they will have no trouble identifying the suspect - Hispanic, 5'9", facial hair...very unusual look for someone of Hispanic descent.

Regardless, if you ran into this guy near Thayer Hall on the Harvard campus, you would look up and up and up and say "What the Hell?"

Winter Warnings - A One Shot

A soft focus enveloped the city
with the illusion of a gel covered lens.
A smoky shroud obscured structures,
leaving the tallest of lights hanging
as misty glowing orbs in the sky.
The cold steam released a shiver
to penetrate
even the most heavily bundled.
It was at once
a beautiful mystery to behold
and an ominous warning
of harsher days ahead.
While the distorted radiance
of a rainbow of lights
cast no shadow,
it was still an announcement
of winter’s looming imminence.
_______________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

Spinning Sunday 160

The world was spinning out of control.
Nausea was overwhelming.
How could it have come to this?
I’ll never let my children
talk me into tilt-a-whirl ride again.
____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

My Muse Blew a Fuse - 55

Looking for inspiration

in even the most mundane activities,

he was stumped.

A leaf holding for dear life

in spite of the wind twisting it from its branch.

Silver streaks of rain rat-a-tatting on a window,

obscuring the gray monotony beyond the glass.

For want of a 55 he strained his mind and got nothin'.
______________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - Myspace now has bars

Have you ever run into one of those stories that makes you feel good about yourself. You know, the kind that let's you say "At least I'm not THAT bad off." Well, this is one of them. Seems a young lad in Florida has to have his Myspace access not matter where he is. Makes my blog addiction seem mild.

Teen Burglar's Myspace Gave Him Away

A Florida teen was arrested Sunday evening after deputies found a computer logged onto his Myspace account in a home that had been burglarized, according to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office.

The Sheriff's Office says a caretaker for the home on Sugarloaf Key reported the burglary. Preparing to remove hurricane shutters from a door, the caretaker saw someone sitting on the living room couch.

Deputies arriving at the house found no one inside, but they did find a back window open, empty soda and food containers, and some marijuana on a coffee table. The deputies also found a bedroom computer turned on and logged into the Myspace account of Robert Rupp, 18, of Big Coppitt Key, the Sheriff's Office said.

Rupp was found a short time later walking around the neighborhood with two screwdrivers in his pockets. Rupp told a deputy he had been in the house because it was cold outside, authorities said.

Rupp was charged with burglary, possession of burglary tools and theft.

How low can you go? Breaking into a home that was boarded up to protect it from a hurricane and living the high life literally like no one was ever going to come back. But back to my original reason for picking this story for my WTHW - Granted, I spend time reading and writing blogs. To the point that Mrs. MM says I should get a life. Just because she has one, doesn't mean that I should be forced to get one too.

This is where I can say "See! At least I don't break into houses to use their computers because I can't be away from Blogger for more than a few hours at a time. There are people out there with much worse problems.....really!" I know, she won't go for it, but it's worth a try don't you think? Okay, now I'm just trying to convince myself. So back to young Mr. Rupp.

I just love how he figures he's got a few days or so to make himself at home. Smoke a little weed. Eat some free food. Make use of free internet. Life was looking pretty good. Then....Creak....Thud....Bang....plywood comes off the covered windows and it's back to looking for another place to "get out of the cold". Cold!?! In Florida? What does that mean....65 degrees?

Jeez, fella, put on a pair of long pants and suck it up. Go to the library. Log on to Myspace and stay our of jail. Than again, there is no free food or smoking in the library. What a dope. He left the computer on to his Myspace page AND he forgot his pot. Bet he didn't even leave a thank you note.

One thing is certain. As police showed up and young Robert Rupp jumped out the back window, he was thinking to himself "What the Hell?"

One Shot - Starting Over

The cold penetrated his skin
with the shocking chill
of immersion in ice water.
Eyes squinting
to keep light
from making a new day reality,
he stumbled across the room
and brushed back
the heavy fabric curtains.
Through the cloud of dust
that exploded between him
and the window
he could see
only an oppressive gray sky
crashing with the weight of depression
down upon the world.
Shivering in disbelief,
he shuffled back toward the warm
inviting blankets of his bed
and thrust himself back in his cocoon
hoping if he tried again later
his world would change.
________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

Sunday 160 - Apparition?

When she opened the door
a blur rushed into the room.
“Don’t let the dog in”, he said.
“I didn’t,” she replied.
He looked about.
The dog was nowhere to be seen.
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

Friday night I was standing at the side of my bed talking to my wife. Our seventeen year old daughter opened the bedroom door and I saw blur of color come around the end of the bed and past my legs. Since it was only in the periphery of my vision, I thought it was our dog. When I looked down, nothing was there. I asked my daughter and wife if they saw the image. Both said yes. My daughter is convinced it is the ghost of one of our old dogs, but we did have an alter honoring my mother on All Souls Day...Do ya think?

Flash Fiction 55 - Hidden

Adrenaline shot through his body

and he ran faster than he ever imagined possible.

When he thought he was safely away,

he hid himself.

His heart pounding like a heavy bass drum,

he thought its very sound

might allow him to be discovered.

He waited patiently for the cry of surrender:

“Ally Ally Oxen Free”.

______________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

One Shot Wednesday - Spirit Keeper

Shadows of branches swaying on my wall
What scared me as a child
is a spirit keeper today.
The trees, they speak in their windblown ebb and flow.
Tossing leaves at my window to get my attention.
Look at me, they say.
Hear me with your eyes

for that is how you will know me.
See my naked limbs not as death
but as life shed from which to rebuild anew.
Heed my steady acceptance.
Feel my willingness to bare my soul,
as I find growth after the shock of winter’s chill.

________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

What The Hell Wednesday - At least they're polite!

This was such a heart warming story, I couldn't pass it up. This little tidbit was compiled by our friends at the Associated Press. Many thanks for allowing me to paraphrase your story. I say this in hopes of preventing some type of ridiculous legal action.

Burglars leave 'Thank You' notes

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. - Two suspects face charges after police said they left a note thanking the homeowners for the five grand worth of electronics gear and food they stole.

Fayetteville police spokesman Dan Grubb said the pair left a note on a white paper napkin saying a polite, "Thanks." Grubb said a second message etched into a wall Wednesday morning said the same thing adding: "We love the stuff we got."

Nineteen year olds Dajuan Marquis Avant and Darrell Sturdivant Jr. were arrested for breaking & entering, larceny and face other non-specified charges.

The homeowners told The Fayetteville Observer the stolen loot included a box of corn dogs, frozen chicken and beer.

Isn't that sweet. It must have been quite a relief to the homeowners to know their house had just been rifled through and turned upside down by two such polite and grateful gentlemen. If you have ever been robbed, you know a Thank You note doesn't make you feel better although I am sure that is exactly what these two kind boys were trying to do - make the homeowners feel better. No sarcasm, just sincerity.

I think what surprises me the most is the police actually found the note on a napkin. My experience is that these robberies are so commonplace that little effort is put in to finding the culprits. I think it is pretty cool they found these two aspiring writers and booked them. I wonder if they located them by Googling to see if they had a blog. Something like http:gratefulrobbers.westeal.com or some such creative blog name.

But what really cracks me up isn't that they stole beer. How unimaginative. It's that they took chicken and corn dogs from the freezer. I mean really. What a kind and caring act - removing those harmful foods and watching out for the homeowner's health. Good guys those bandits.

For all the politeness, there is still no doubt the homeowners opened their door, looked around at their personal stuff tossed about the house or just plain missing and said, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Keeping Score

The competition had been intense.
With uniforms in disarray
all heads turned
toward the final score.
The only question -
did Snickers count more than Baby Ruth?

_____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

Flash Fiction 55 - The Mask

It arrived in a plain brown envelope

from an unknown source.

“That thing is just creepy.

Don’t wear it,” pleaded his wife.

“I think it’s cool,” he said

as he raised the mask toward his face,

“It will scare the heck out of the kids.”

Upon awakening naked and covered in blood,

he remembered nothing.

______________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - Call the cops, this tastes nasty

Time for our weekly walk through the ingenious minds of petty thieves and criminals. I can't begin to tell you what I am learning about human nature by reading article after article from the depths of police reports. It's a good thing I have a sense of humor (thanks, mom) otherwise I would lose all faith in humanity and I'm here to tell you that faith hangs by a thread anyway. Check out this edited report by Jim McKinnon of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

Man calls police to check his 'nasty' marijuana purchase

A Uniontown man Wednesday called police because what he believed was marijuana that he bought on the street tasted "nasty."

Now, investigators said, the 21-year-old man could be charged with possession of a look-a-like drug. He was not immediately arrested, and police declined to release his name.

The 'victim' reported that he had just bought a small amount of what he thought was marijuana and the taste turned him off, so he called police to check it for him, said police Det. Donald Gmitter.

Officers arrived at the man's apartment and found the green, leafy substance laid out on a table. The officers confiscated the substance after a field test kit used on the material was negative.

As dumb as the complaint sounds, Det. Gmitter said it's not nearly the first time someone has called to report being ripped off during the commission of illegal activity.

"We've had people call about prostitutes who, after they give them the money, they run away," Det. Gmitter said. "That's happened quite a few times."

The investigation is simmering.

Do you remember the old saying "Why do you think they call it 'dope'?" It sure applies here.

So I guess I should be surprised that someone stupid enough to buy fake pot is also stupid enough to call the police to check out it's "authenticity". What? You didn't smell it before you bought it? Next time take a whiff of the old stash box then a sniff of a few bottles on your spice rack and try to remember the differences. Cannabis. Oregano. Cannabis. Oregano. Get it?

What blows me away here is that not only did police take this very seriously by showing up to perform a field test on the 'nasty' substance, but they did it without laughing. At least that is how it's portrayed in the story.

I can just here the conversation.

Cop 1: "Nope, it's not marijuana. It appears to be a common kitchen spice."

Cop 2: "We should take it in as evidence."

Cop 1: under his breath "We should at least take it out to the squad car to put on our pizza. I mean, the guy did interrupt our dinner."

The other thing that cracks me up here is that Det. Gmitter (who has a vowel issue) actually had a frank discussion with a reporter about this type of report being no big deal. "Oh yeah, we get calls like this all the time. Usually some dude wanting us to chase down a hooker who stole his money. We just ask him to have his wife chase the hooker down to get his money back, to which the "victim" typically replies - What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Is nothing Sacred?

Nick's Original Coney Island
100% beef hot dogs
smothered in all meat chili,
onions and cheese.
All was good until I heard -
"Order up! Veggie dog.”
Sacrilege.
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

Mystical Rites 55

It was an annual rite of passage,

each tribe carrying its own tradition

and method of celebration.

For some it was the proper painting of skin.

For others it was all about

ritualistic garb, headdress or mask.

Regardless, all sought great reward

for their efforts

and consistently repeated

the proper magic incantation –

Trick or Treat!

_______________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What the Hell Wednesday - Scout's Honor, Your Honor

It was a fairly close call between this story and the story about the Cincinnati woman who robbed her husband at gun point, but how can you really top a MAYOR being arrested for stealing a purse and joy riding with a woman hanging off the side of his car. Ooooops! I just told the punch line before the joke. Oh well, read this story anyway.

San Gabriel Mayor Arrested

The mayor of San Gabriel has been arrested after a purse-snatching and a wild ride through streets with a woman clinging to his SUV.

San Gabriel Mayor Albert Huang was booked early Friday for investigation of felony assault, felony robbery and misdemeanor battery, according to police Lt. Ariel Duran.

Huang was released on $100,000 bail late Friday morning. He says the incident was the result of a misunderstanding.

"As a public official and a former Boy Scout, I hold myself to the highest standard of conduct. On last night's incident, it was a great misunderstanding between friends. As a result I am confident I will restore my reputation and prove my innocence in court,'' he told The Associated Press in an email.

Police were called to a restaurant at about 1:30 a.m. after reports of a couple embroiled in a heated argument. Duran said the 35-year-old mayor and the woman were squabbling over money in the restaurant parking lot.

Huang took the woman's purse containing her car keys, cash and personal belongings and got into her car. When the woman tried to prevent him from leaving, Huang pushed her away and got into his own car.

The woman then reached through the passenger window while standing on the SUV's running board as Huang sped away.

"It's a 25 mph speed limit zone and he's doing 45 with the female hanging on the car,'' Duran said, adding that Huang drove more than a quarter mile with the woman clinging to the side of the SUV.

I just love that quote "As a public figure and a former Boy Scout...." Now there's a good one, a public figure saying they hold themselves to a higher standard. Apparently, holding yourself to the highest standard and actually achieving it are two vastly different fetes to accomplish. Perhaps his Mayorship should write down that little quote and take a gander at it when he gets a little pissed.

Or maybe this guy should be taking more money from special interest groups so he doesn't have to "squabble" over a dinner check with some woman. We can only assume they knew each other. We can also assume the relationship is close enough that they know whose car is whose. Of course this woman could have represented a special interest and Mayor McSpeed was just making sure she wasn't holding out any money.

As to the ride on the running boards, San Gabriel is close to Los Angeles which has Disneyland and as we all know at 1:30 in the morning Disneyland is closed. Certainly this woman is a thrill seeker and with Disneyland closed, riding the SUV running boards at 45 MPH in the dark was the next best thing to Space Mountain. But, according to Mayor Carchase, it was an innocent little incident. Risking someone's life over a bar tab isn't innocent, Mr. Mayor.

As our friendly mayor drove off and approached 45 MPH, I am sure the woman clinging to his passenger door was saying something a bit more offensive than "What the Hell?"

Give me a break, Kelley.

So there I am sitting around minding my own business (wasting time) reading up on blogs I blew off over the weekend. (Yes, I do try to have a life outside of the blog0sphere - Mrs. MM would otherwise divorce me) when BAM Kelley at Kelley's break room hits me in the face with this big green blogger award.

Okay, so that's not really how it happened. What I was doing was reading her fine, funny blog about how this award asks her to write about ten things she likes. I am laughing and having a good time until I see my name on a list. Yup. There it is - Monkey Man - and I'm thinking "Shit, I have only been reading and commenting on her blog for a few weeks now. Did I tick her off and now she is getting back at me?"

So I graciously accept the "Award" and thank all the appropriate people keeping religion and higher deities off the list. There are enough sports figures, actors and rappers thanking them, they don't need it from me. Besides, religion is not my thing.

So here is my list of ten things I like followed by ten blogs I will pass this on to.

ONE: Chocolate - I LOVE chocolate. Dark. Milk. With bacon. With sea salt. With ginger (or Mary Ann). It is so good and the best thing about chocolate is that if it rots out all your teeth, you can still eat it because you don't need to chew it. Just put a piece between your tongue and the roof of your mouth and let it melt. Oh man, better stop now.

TWO: My Big Stupid Dog "Ezmond" - He is a pit bull and the sweetest most obedient dog I have ever had. The breed has a bad rap.

THREE: Disc Golf with my son - I used to throw Frisbee with buddies in the 'quad' during college. Usually loaded out of our gourds. Now my son and I get a bit of exercise and bonding all in the name of never letting him win. I am incorrigible.

FOUR: Football - You know how I said I have a life on weekends, well, this is it. Watching football. I twitch. I flinch. I have so much body movement watching it on tv you would think I am on the field. It is a wonderful waste of time.

FIVE: My chiropractor - With all the frisbee disc golf, I need a good back crackin' every now and then.

SIX: Sunday 160 - Okay this is a blatant plug for a micro fiction I host, but what the hell. I like it. Check out this week's. Right here.

SEVEN: Oatmeal Cookies - Preferably with raisins, but always and most often after begging Mrs. MM on bended knee for a late night sugar fix. (Yes, there are times when chocolate just won't do the trick.) Last night was nirvana - Monday Night Football and homemade oatmeal cookies. She is so good to me.

EIGHT: Bacon - (Are you noticing a common thread weaving through this meme?) Who doesn't like bacon? Everything is better with bacon....even bacon. I have had Bacon Chocolate, Bacon Salt, Bacon Explosion and the list goes on. Do check out the recipe I link to on the Bacon Explosion....it's heart stopping. I double up on my statin after eating that stuff.

NINE: Electricity - Without electricity I wouldn't be writing this wonderful blog, reading all of your wonderful blogs, cooking bacon or oatmeal cookies, watching football or doing any number of things that keep me fat and lazy. Yes, E-lec-tri-city, we love it.

TEN: Books - Okay, this was also on Kelley's list, but it is true. I love reading and I love books. For those who live in my area you are no doubt familiar with Powell's Books. For those who aren't, follow the link. We are blessed to have an internationally renown book store in our great city. People come from all over the world to explore, read and buy. It is awesome.

And now ten blogger to pass this on to. Mind you, you don't have to write this "ten things I like" deal if you don't want to, but I want to recognize you as newer blogs I follow and enjoy.

The Caterpillar Uprising
Absolutely Narcissism

Live Dream Love

Butts and Ashes

The Jannaverse

Ghost Hunting Theories

Unknown Mami

Is that a promise or a threat?

From Ashes to Beauty

Laughing Monkey Stick

Well, I guess now you know everything there is to know about me. Thanks for allowing me to expose myself, Kelley. Hope you enjoyed. Also, I don't think I have ever in my two year bloggy life included as many links as I have in this post. It was exhausting. See you for What the Hell Wednesday. (Guess I still needed another link and more shameless promotion.)