Thursday, December 2, 2010

Naughty or Nice - 55

The young street walker
stood over the small bearded man.
Gritting her teeth in anger,
she dropped the smoking gun
that had been firmly grasped in her right hand.
She stumbled back in horror at the sight and screamed
“Everything would have worked out fine
if you had just stopped calling me ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’“.

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What The Hell Wednesday - Fat, but not so jolly

Apparently, it was a hugely disappointing holiday shopping day for two women in Edmond, Oklahoma. While expecting an enormous haul for their holidays, they ended up with a big fat nothing....expect for the marks on their police records.

Face it. You just can't pass on a story with a headline that reads.....

Women accused of hiding merchandise in body fat

EDMOND, OK -- Two women arrested for shoplifting used their bodies to conceal the goods. Edmond police say it was at the TJ Maxx that loss prevention officers found the duo stuffing items under their belly fat and breasts.

It was said the women took four pair of boots, three pair of jeans, a wallet and gloves; $2,600 worth of store merchandise.

Ailene Brown, 28, and 37-year-old Shmeco Thomas were arrested for shoplifting and are facing felony charges.

Officer James Hamm said, "These two were actually concealing them in areas of their body where excess skin was, under their chest area and armpits."

They also had a knife hidden in a purse that they used to cut off store security tags.

Now I wish I could remove my brain and scrub the image this story created right out of my mind. As I read this, I was constantly stopping to swallow the vomit that formed at the back of my throat and mumbling - Ewwwww. Lifting the fat under their armpits??? Bellies??? And Boobs??? ARMPITS!!!! Just how fat are these two? And who let them out of the freak show at Ringling Bros to go shopping? Oh, God! Now the who thing is replaying in my mind again. me.

Okay, now that I have that out of my system, let's review the facts. The first thing that strikes me is that they actually carry a purse (or purses). Then again, maybe they needed the purses in order to clear out space for all the stuff they planned to pilfer in their fat rolls.

The second is the shear volume of stolen merchandis: FOUR pairs of boots; THREE pairs of jeans (can you imagine the size of those jeans?); and a wallet and gloves. Why bother with the wallet and gloves? Maybe that's where the armpit folds came into play. Urrrp. Sorry, I threw up into my mouth again.

Last, can you picture the looks on the loss prevention officers' faces as they searched for the shoplifted loot? I am sure as they gagged back the up-chuck bubbling from their stomachs, one of them blurted out "What the Hell?"

Monday, November 29, 2010

One Shot - Stone Man

No super human feat this
turning man into stone.
Simple comments garbled by hardened hearing
cause an avalanche of negative emotion.
Withdrawn to the cave for companionship
of the familiar singularity,
Stone Man builds his walls.
Rock by rock.
Mortar filled.
He surrounds himself with ignorance
and self deception.
Jaw tightly shut as a concrete barrier
no words can escape to help soften Stone Man's
prison of hard headedness.

A touch.
Kind words.
Knock at the walls
and the rock exterior.
Cracks begin.
Rocks shatter to dust.
Stone Man emerges - human.

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

What a tangled Sunday 160

Neatly packed and stored eleven months ago,
they somehow emerge a tangled mess.
What exactly is it Christmas lights do
in those boxes from December to November?

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.