Friday, November 6, 2009

20 years

November 6, 1989 was a very significant day for me - it was my first day of a life in sobriety. As a blogger, I haven't written about my sobriety because it is personal and something I don't share with many outside of small groups of "insiders". However, I am proud of my 20 years of sobriety and feel the need to put a few thoughts into words.

I am not big on drunk-alogs, so I won't go into the how it was part of my story. I drank like a pig until the party was over, then drank some more. I drank until I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and knew alcohol was running and ruining my life. I had to stop. I also had too much pride and ego to go to treatment, so I grabbed on to the arms of chairs in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and gripped until my knuckles turned white.

I did what I was told - got a home group, a sponsor, did service work and didn't drink. I committed myself to sobriety and hoped for a better life. I learned faith.

Now, twenty years later, I am at a different stage in my life. Yes, I still go to meetings, but I am no guru. Nor do I want to be. Today, I just want to participate in and enjoy life. I don't spend time worrying about "God's will" for me or even reading the "Big Book" for that matter. I learned some time ago that meetings can take me only so far. That not all answers are there or in the books we are told to use as a guide early on. I do believe there is reference to seeking professional help in the pages of that big blue book and that is what I needed to do to help myself become whole.

I went to meetings. Put on a happy face but was miserable inside. Depressed. Angry. In denial that someone with as much sobriety as I had could still have problems. But guess what? I have this condition. It's called being a member of the human race and we all have issues we have to face. They aren't exclusive to alcoholics, although to hear some people talk in meetings you would think so. Again....News Flash! Human beings of all types have mental and physical problems and we all have to learn how to deal with them.

So does twenty years make me some sage old timer bathed in a constant warm light of serenity? No. It makes me a guy who has been to lots of meetings, is twenty years older than he was when he stopped drinking and has maybe learned a thing or two along the way. But I would hope I would be open minded enough to learn and grow over that period of time.

In sobriety I have been divorced, married, had two children who have never seen me drunk (but have seen me as a raving lunatic), lost a parent, had cancer and the chemo that goes with it and I very nearly lost my family due to stubbornness and deep seated anger. For that matter, I had lost sight of myself. Through it all I never drank and with the help of a loving wife and professional care, I rediscovered love and goodness in my life. I woke up. Life had been dark and smelled of I pulled my head out of my ass.

I also rediscovered writing. Yes, I can go on and on, but don't we all at times. I write today for me. Sometimes to release, vent - as I am doing here. Sometimes just to draw a picture. To feel the creative juices flowing again. It was a love I lost and, again with the help of my beautiful and talented wife, found anew. (Anew....pulease.)

So, CHEERS! everyone. Lift a glass of your favorite beverage (I prefer H2O) and toast to growth, happiness, faith and love of family and friends.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Fall 55

Clouds strolled by
on the wings of wind.
Dark gray on a background of pewter
with the occasional shimmer
of silver or blue.
Cold stopped the sap
from flowing through the veins
of deciduous leaves
ripping the blue
from their spectrum
and leaving only
the fires of yellow,
orange and red
to warm Fall’s chill.

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.

If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man.
The challenge is on.

Or come back on Sunday to try my Sunday 160.
If you can fill a text message, you can do this.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I can scribble in a superior fashion - I guess

I have been honored with an award from Matty in his blog Cha-Ching in which he lists a variety of awards he recently received. The award he passes on to me is the Superior Scribbler. I haven't decided if this award is for my writing or if Matty has secretly been talking to Mrs. Monkey Man who has told him my handwriting is nothing more than illegible scribbling.

Now comes the cut and paste part of this blog. I really wanted to rewrite these rules to make them mine, but truth be known I was just too lazy having been in a state of recovery from eating all my kids' Halloween candy and the hangover that goes with it. (Okay, that was a blatant plug to my last blog - the Sunday 160 - which is a basic rip off of G-Man's Flash Fiction Friday 55.)

I guess since I really didn't have anything to write about other than getting this award, I would just run on and on and see how many links I can get in to my older posts. Try this one. I wrote it when I couldn't sleep one night. Or this one which I wrote as a tribute to Mrs. MM who I love and respect to no end.

Oh, yah, the rules.

The Scribbler award comes with some rules:
• Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

My Scribbler Award winners are:
Pheromone Girl Grows Up (Be sure to link to and read her older posts as Pheromone Girl)
Adventures of One Sober Woman
Let Me Go On And On...
Green Eyed Momster (I know you've already received one of these....but not from me)
Mrs. Nesbitt's Place

So there you have it. If you haven't visited these writers, please do. If you have, please continue to do so. Thanks again, Matty, and did I mention my blog on Childhood Fear or my post that was my first stab at poetry?

Told you I was going to promote. Happy November.

The Day After

His headed pounded,
aching from the previous
night's activities.
Regrets and remorse.
But he couldn't
stop himself.
Halloween candy hangovers were a bitch.


This is a Sunday 160.
Take the Challenge if you dare.