Just when I was thinking it was a bad week for a really good stupid criminal stories, this one popped off the page okay it was my screen because of the Nutcracker headline. I was thinking about the great innuendo I could create around that, even though I have a reputation as a pretty PG blog. So we'll just have to see how that goes.
Woman Held After Nutcracker Attack on Man
A 19-year-old Palm Bay woman faces charges after police said she beat a man with a wooden nutcracker, then slapped and bit him following an argument over messages left on her cell phone.
Brianna Del Rio was charged with battery after police were called to a residence to investigate a disturbance. Police officers arrived to find a man identified as Del Rio’s boyfriend with cuts on his face and a bite mark on his side.
Del Rio will have an Aug. 24 hearing on the charge.
Police said the couple had gotten into an argument Aug. 6 over the cell-phone messages, prompting Del Rio to attack the man, first by slapping him, then by hitting him with a wooden nutcracker and other objects.
Del Rio told police that the man held a gun to her head but officers did not find her story to be credible, reports show.
Before I start commenting on the content of this wonderful tale....I just have to wag my finger at the writer - "had gotten"? Really? You're a journalist? Had gotten? Puleeze. Just go back to school....elementary school.
Oh yeah. the story.
What did "boyfriend" write in his text? Maybe Brianna is an English student and he wrote something that included "had gotten" in the body of the text. Wait! That's my fixation. But what was it? Did he really tell her how she looked in those pants?
The she grabs a nutcracker...a big wooden nutcracker! Who keeps those big wooden nutcracker hanging around the house any time but Christmas? She must be...uh....nuts. Then she slaps and bites him. What? The nutcracker not making big enough marks on this guy?
Okay, I know, it takes two to tango or crack some nuts so I am sure boyfriend isn't totally innocent here. Back to the text. Did he send something he meant for someone else? Did he call her another person's name...? A GIRL's name? Or was he using the text break up method?
Boyfriend Text: i no i m right in front of u but this is gud bye.....can i have my nutcracker back?
I guess that might piss someone off. If that was the message and it wasn't the alleged gun at her head, how lame. I am sure Brianna said "What the Hell?" just before she began the process of giving the nutcracker back.
