Tuesday, August 16, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - Just Another Nut

Just when I was thinking it was a bad week for a really good stupid criminal stories, this one popped off the page okay it was my screen because of the Nutcracker headline. I was thinking about the great innuendo I could create around that, even though I have a reputation as a pretty PG blog. So we'll just have to see how that goes. 

Woman Held After Nutcracker Attack on Man

A 19-year-old Palm Bay woman faces charges after police said she beat a man with a wooden nutcracker, then slapped and bit him following an argument over messages left on her cell phone.

Brianna Del Rio was charged with battery after police were called to a residence to investigate a disturbance. Police officers arrived to find a man identified as Del Rio’s boyfriend with cuts on his face and a bite mark on his side.

Del Rio will have an Aug. 24 hearing on the charge.

Police said the couple had gotten into an argument Aug. 6 over the cell-phone messages, prompting Del Rio to attack the man, first by slapping him, then by hitting him with a wooden nutcracker and other objects.

Del Rio told police that the man held a gun to her head but officers did not find her story to be credible, reports show.

Before I start commenting on the content of this wonderful tale....I just have to wag my finger at the writer - "had gotten"? Really? You're a journalist? Had gotten? Puleeze. Just go back to school....elementary school.

Oh yeah. the story.
What did "boyfriend" write in his text? Maybe Brianna is an English student and he wrote something that included "had gotten" in the body of the text. Wait! That's my fixation. But what was it? Did he really tell her how she looked in those pants?

The she grabs a nutcracker...a big wooden nutcracker! Who keeps those big wooden nutcracker hanging around the house any time but Christmas? She must be...uh....nuts. Then she slaps and bites him. What? The nutcracker not making big enough marks on this guy?

Okay, I know, it takes two to tango or crack some nuts so I am sure boyfriend isn't totally innocent here. Back to the text. Did he send something he meant for someone else? Did he call her another person's name...? A GIRL's name? Or was he using the text break up method?

Boyfriend Text: i no i m right in front of u but this is gud bye.....can i have my nutcracker back?

I guess that might piss someone off. If that was the message and it wasn't the alleged gun at her head, how lame. I am sure Brianna said "What the Hell?" just before she began the process of giving the nutcracker back.


Pheromone Girl said...

Ooh. I could explain it - just let me text him.


Or something to that effect. Sheesh. What did he say in his text. "Bring me a turkey pot pie, bitch?"

Pheromone Girl said...

I'm first? Me? Who never blogs? How do I rate... let me text my husband and find out.


Monkey Man said...

Well, I would say you rate pretty darn high. Like maybe 11.

Cloudia said...

you da NUT, LOL!

Aloha from Waikiki;

Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >

Dianne said...

A nutcracker is a woman's best friend.

Thanks for the attention to my blog, entry Slight of Hand.

Keep us laughing,

King of New York Hacks said...

LOL. Nutcraker ?? Noted !! lol

The Bipolar Diva said...

I think I'll keep a nutcracker handy, you know, just in case.

MorningAJ said...

I think maybe the nutcracker was symbolic.

'Nuts' IS a euphemism over there isn't it?

Brian Miller said...

symbolic nutcracker...haha...guess he is living the Suite life now...we have like 180 nutcrackers in the house...i may be in trouble...

Deb said...

Too funny. Some strange stories out there... And as far as "had gotten" - I've seen it used before, it is informal English but many still use it. It doesn't sound right at all..... lol

Enchanted Oak said...

I had gotten my coffee this a.m. and satten down when I read this nutty thing and gotten a good laugh. I was just wondering, though; where does it say he texted her? Maybe like my phone plan, a text costs 20 cents each, and he frugally left voicemail messages in English which she could not understand. Aural English is difficult when one is gotten used to visual text.

Unknown said...

Too friggin' funny. I work in Graduate Admissions and you'd think since students are applying for GRADUATE admissions they would spell correctly and speak well, not so much!!!


Janna said...

At first when you referred to it as a "nutcracker attack", I was thinking of something else entirely.
It could have been worse. :)