Thursday, June 10, 2010

Aromatherapy 55

The aroma hit me in the face
like a bag of angel feather.
It was ambrosia – applewood smoked bacon,
fresh cut fries
and hand packed
Angus beef burgers
in a chili
that was all meat and no beans.
As I leaned in to take a bite
a voice said,
“Look, fella, order your own food.”

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.
If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man.
The challenge is on.

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Theme Thursday - Candy Encounter

Blinking through sleep encrusted eyes, I rolled to a groggy awareness of the empty spot beside me.

Memories started flooding back like Starbursts swirling in the Milky Way. She was the type of eye candy that only Hershey, Pennsylvania could produce. Lips painted an irresistible candy apple red, licorice black hair cascading across her creamy white shoulders like chocolate from a fountain and a body with all the curves of dime store candy jar. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and wanted her the way a child desires the soft gooey middle of a Tootsie Roll Pop.

As she walked my direction she said with breath as sweet as peppermint, “Hi, you Big Hunk. I could just eat you up.”

I immediately knew this will be like taking candy from a baby.

“Hi, yourself,” I replied to this walking confection. She was a Hot Tamale. I offered her a Caramel Appletini.

"Sweet", she said licking her lips the way one runs their tongue over a lollipop. I melted like a Baby Ruth in the hot sun.

She finished her drink and said, "Let's blow this candy stand and pop over to Mike & Ikes for some Lemon Drops." I couldn't say no, I am a sucker for girls and girlie drinks. "Look," I said, "you're lucky you caught me on Pay Day. I got a 100 Grand, baby."

Mike & Ikes had oldies night. We drank and danced to songs like Candy Man, I Want Candy and Lollipop until our legs felt like salt water taffy. We wobbled out to my ride. I palmed some Sen Sen, gave the full Chicklet smile and hit her with a Cracker Jack Kiss.

"Oh Henry," she Snickered. "You are truly Red Hot." We headed back to my place on 5th Avenue for more Lemon Drops. That's the last thing I remember. In the empty space on the bed was a note -

"Sorry. You were more Zero Bar than Goodbar."


This is a Theme Thursday post.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

What the Hell? Wednesday (Has anyone seen my rabbit?)

This week’s “What the Hell? Wednesday” finds us going back to Salem, Oregon where the rednecks are hard at work again. Check out this article written by The Oregonian contributor Lynne Terry:

Salem, OR –

A Salem man was arrested after allegedly having his dog kill a rabbit in front of four girls at a city park.

The children were watching the bunny hop in the grass at Woodmansee Park, known for its population of feral rabbits, said Lt. Dave Okada, a Salem police spokesman. The man, who was walking his Doberman pinscher without a leash, told it to go after the rabbit.

Witnesses told Salem police the man smirked and laughed when the dog grabbed and killed the rabbit as the children cried.

Investigators later identified the suspect as Luke Kishpaugh, 33, and arrested him at home. He was booked into the Marion County Jail on allegations of aggravated animal abuse and was barred from Salem Parks, Okada said.

It’s not clear what happened to the dog
. – The Oregonian, June 3, 2010

I hardly know where to start on this one since there is so much stupidity and so many innocent victims. First and foremost, we have kids scarred for life. I know, some of you may be saying, “Monkey Man, this was nature at work. Dogs kill rabbits.” Uh, no! Not without some slack jawed idiot yelling, “Sic ‘em, Brutus and shake some blood on those dumb kids.” I am sure this was no killer rabbit. If it was, a dog wouldn’t have been enough to stop it. We all know a Holy Hand Grenade is the only true method to dispatch such a creature.

The second innocent in this is the dog. He will now be branded a killer and most likely put to death because his owner trained him without conscience. Men who train dogs in this fashion are only trying to make up for lack of penis size. The dog is just being a dog by trying to please his owner. Not knowing it was misguided.

The last victim is the rabbit. Normally I wouldn’t have much sympathy for a feral rabbit because if it weren’t the dog it would have been a coyote or a car or whatever, but since those creatures breed like, well, rabbits - one less won't make any real difference.

The good thing is this guy is now in custody where his fellow inmates will be asking, “Whadda ya in for?” To which Mr. Lackofcommonsense will have to reply, “For killing a rabbit.” At which point the laughing inmates pick themselves up off the floor and draw straws to see who is going to be the first to violate this dirt bag. An easy task because he doesn’t have his dog there to protect him.

I am sure parents and police alike stood around in that park, looked at each other and said “What the Hell?”

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Honest or not - 160

The question was simple.
But like answering -
“Do these pants make my butt look big?”
I recalled the difference between
rigorous honesty
and vigorous stupidity.

If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules.

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
Visit at least one other Sunday 160.