Merry Christmas to all

Christmas preparation was slow and precise

Trying to assure all turned out real nice

As he counted out gifts for all round the world

In his beard and his mustache his fingers they twirled

Then boarding his sleigh on one thing he did dwell

 Did he remember to spray on that new present smell

Merry Christmas to all.

Intermission

When I first started this blog I included a playlist. This song was first on my list. Please enjoy my all time favorite band while I ponder the future.

Sunday 160 - The End

It had been a coaster ride of emotions – 

happy, 

sad, 

angry, 

funny, 

depressed, 

inspired – 

but the time had come 

for the ride to end. 

Stay inspired 

and 

good bye.

________________________

 This is the last Sunday 160 I will host. I began writing Sunday 160's as a way to commit myself to a weekly blog post. Now the time has come to take a break. Thank each and every one of you for participating at some time over the past couple of years.

-30-

55 - Charmed

His life seemed charmed. 

The right job was there when he needed it. 

People came into his life at just the right moment. 

Even when finances looked desperate, 

money would arrive. 

He felt like he had it all 

and it all led to this very moment in time. 

Now, all he could do was smile.

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.
_____

What The Hell Wednesday - Little Old Lady My Ass

A number of What The Hell Wednesdays have featured heroes who have thwarted crimes. I love those and wish I could find more, but they just don't show up as frequently as just plain old activities by the criminally stupid which is a redundancy. 

59 Year Old Woman Chases Down Purse Snatcher

LONGVIEW, Wash.  - A 59-year-old woman chased down a purse snatcher who was fleeing on a bicycle in Longview pulled him to the ground and grabbed back her purse.

Two witnesses detained the man until officers arrived.

According to court documents filed this week, the theft took place in a Safeway parking lot last Friday. The woman chased the bicyclist about 15 feet.

The purse contained $62 and five credit cards.

A Cowlitz County Superior Court judge found probable cause to charge 29-year-old Mark Grendahl Jr. of Longview with five counts of second-degree theft. He was held Wednesday evening in the Cowlitz County Jail on $25,000 bail.

__________________________

I am thinking the purse snatcher should have learned how to ride a bike before he decided to use it as a getaway vehicle. What was this guy....12....I know...I know, I read it....he was 29.....going on 12. But caught after going only 15 feet??? That's hardly the length of an SUV. 

I don't like that the article makes 59 sound old. I know some 59-year-olds who are in better shape than 29-year-olds, not to mention a ton smarter. Smart enough to know they can outrun a klutz trying to hop on a bike and try to speed away. 

Hey, Mark! How did it feel when that 59-year-old knocked you off your bike? You like road rash? Bet you weren't wearing a helmet either. Leave some scalp on the parking lot? I hope the police used the old kind of Bactine that really stung when you put it on as they cleaned up his scrapes and scratches.

So, cheers to you - 59-year-old woman - for kicking ass and taking names. You are my new hero until the next one comes up on line.

I can just see Mark's surprised face as he looked up from under his bike and saw he just got taken down by a woman old enough to be his mom. I will also bet you he said, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Pie to the Tenth Power

None could bake pumpkin pie 

the way she could. 

Rich, yet light. 

His mouth watered 

at the thought of it 

sliding down his throat 

like God dressed in silk pajamas.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Burdened

Struggling to get a full grip with his situation, 

he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

Gasping for air under the extreme crush, 

he was panicked over the constraint. 

How would he extract himself from this situation? 

Then he heard, 

“Get off your father’s back, you two. 

You know he gets claustrophobic.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.
_____

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

What The Hell Wednesday - An Axe to Grind

Here is a post-Halloween tidbit I just couldn't resist. Yes, I know it's the week before Thanksgiving, but I can't post these stories before they are printed....if you know what I mean.

Man Arrested Over Costume Axe

AKRON, Ohio  - An Ohio man who carried a rubber prop ax into a bar before Halloween is trying to get prosecutors to dismiss an inducing panic charge.

The Akron Beacon Journal reports that 42-year-old Bill Morrison is a Halloween enthusiast who has long worked on seasonal haunted house attractions. He told Akron police he went to Corky's Thomastown bar on Oct. 16 to sell a friend the costume ax, which had red paint to make it appear bloody.

A woman who saw Morrison with the ax under his coat called 911 and said he looked suspicious.

Morrison was jailed overnight before being released on bond.

His attorney, Ed Sawan, says the charges appear to be unfounded. Akron City Prosecutor Doug Powley indicates his office is still studying the case.

_____________________

I know, this dates waaaaay back to October 16, but really, the story didn't appear on my favorite web source until today, November 22. For you readers outside the good old USofA that's my favourite web source. But enough about the somewhat tardy appearance of this article, let's talk about it.

First, I think that is an awesome Halloween axe and I wish I had one. Second, what is Bill Morrison doing hiding it under his coat? If this were his regular bar, you'd think he would come in all angry like brandishing the axe over his head screaming like a wild man asking where his buddy was. But not knowing anything about this bar, maybe Bill thought if he did that he would get shot. Ya never know.

So, he slides into the bar all coy-like with a fake axe hidden under his coat and freaks some half drunk idiot out of her bloomers. She calls 9-1-1 and poor Bill is arrested for nearly in-sighting a riot, er, I mean....inducing panic. Inducing panic? Shee-it. I think the woman who called 9-1-1 would be induced to panic if someone walked up behind her and said "Hi!"

Okay, Bill is arrested. His buddy doesn't get the axe he wanted as a Halloween prop and the police get to pose for pictures. Isn't that a cool axe? Did I say I want one? Meanwhile nosy 9-1-1 lady drives off in a drunken stupor to buzz kill someone else's fun. We will probably read about her in a later post after she blows the whistle on someone who isn't as nice as Bill and meets an untimely end with an axe that isn't fake.

For sure, as Bill was belly up to the bar, axe in hand, slugging back a few, he was caught by surprise by the Akron police and, as they cuffed him and shove him and his cool axe into the squad car, said "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Little Girl Lost

Alarms kept her in a state of constant alert. 

Uncertainty crushed thoughts 

of potential adventures. 

What ifs ruled the day. 

It was sad how anxiety ran her life.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - It's History

His hand nervously hovered over the button. 

He had been waiting 

for someone else to make the final call, 

not wanting to be responsible 

for what would be an historic event 

that would affect millions of lives. 

As the clocked ticked down, 

the button was pushed. 

History forever linked him to - 

The Heidi Game.

________________________________

On this date in history, Dick Cline, an NBC programmer hit the button that switched from the November 17, 1968 okay this is Thursday’s date and this is a Flash Fiction Friday but I’m going with it Oakland Raiders versus New York Jets football game to the movie Heidi. With only 65 seconds left in the game, the Jets kicked a field goal to give them a 32-29 lead. After commercial break, the network went to their originally scheduled 7:00 PM airing of the movie Heidi. What fans across America missed after that was two touchdowns by the Oakland Raiders in a span of nine seconds. So many irate fans called NBC after game results were flashed on the screen 20 minutes later, that their switchboard yes, switchboard…this was 1968, remember! literally blew a fuse. Even emergency lines were clogged for hours and you thought Katrina was a disaster. Final score Raiders - 43 Jets - 29 NBC - 0.

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Soy Suit

There is nothing like reading about the incarcerated complaining about their conditions. Let alone suing over them. Check out this story about an "entitled" prisoner.

Prisoner Sues over Soy Meals

CLERMONT, Fla. – A Florida inmate is suing the state’s prison system for pulling the pork from his meals.

Eric Harris, a 32-year-old convicted pedophile who is serving a life sentence, suggests Lake Correctional Institution’s policy of serving a vegan diet is seriously affecting the quality of his life sentence.

The Weston A. Price Foundation, a special interest group against soy products, will pick up the case’s legal expenses, and announced it has class-action ambitions including other prisoners, prison guards and taxpayers.

The foundation began receiving complaints from Florida prisoners in 2009, when cooks replaced 60-70 percent of meat in meals with soy substitutes. They claimed to suffer from a myriad of health problems, including chronic constipation followed with debilitating diarrhea and vomiting, passing out, heart palpitations, and rashes.

Harris said it’s cruel and unusual punishment.

Joellen Rackleff, a Department of Corrections spokeswoman, said meals are half soy and half poultry. Serving all meat means the $47 million food budget would double.

Currently, Florida feeds inmates three meals per day for $1.70 per inmate. Rackleff said the department should be mindful of taxpayers who pick up prisoners’ bills when making their meals and offers alternatives to soy.

U.S. courts have said in the past that prisons have to serve nutritious meals, not pretty ones or those that comply with a prisoner’s idea of home cooking.

Rackleff said meals meet those standards and comply with federal nutrition guidelines.

____________________

Every time I read one of these stories there is always one thing that just leaps off the page at me. With this story, it is the idea that a pedophile is complaining about the quality of his life sentence. Hello! You're a pedophile! You're lucky someone hasn't killed you already....sicko. They should just let you starve. Stop complaining about the food. You have sentenced kids to lives of therapy. 

On top of this sick f@%k complaining about his food, we have a foundation coming to his aid. A Foundation. Do they know who they are supporting??

The Weston A. Price Foundation states on its web site "They're happy because they eat butter" and "Cod Liver Oil: Our most important superfood". No strange issues there. Apparently, the foundation and the child molester agree on one thing - eating soy is cruel and unusual punishment. So be it! Is prison supposed to be a vacation?

You really have to hand it to Florida though, feeding an inmate three squares a day on only a buck seventy. All in the interest of being responsible to its tax payers. Go Florida. Have they ever thought that it was the mystery meat and not the soy causing all the physical symptoms? Eat your swill and be happy, inmates. Jeez.

The judge who read the suit pedo-filed by the inmate, surely shook his head in disgust and said, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Confined

In the dark, damp space 

he struggled 

as he twisted his body 

into the only position 

he felt would give him 

any sort of leverage. 

He hated working under the sink.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - It's all in the name

“You know, I remember the good old days when you could go to the store and buy prunes. I loved the taste of prunes and all their leathery goodness. I miss them. What ever happened to prunes?”

“Prunes. All you ever talk about is prunes. Why don’t you shut up and eat your dried plums.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Coping With Teaching

As I read through potential candidates for What The Hell Wednesday, it is the headlines that draw me into stories. And when I see the words "School" and "DUI" in the same headline....I know I have a winner.

Teacher Arrested for DUI in School Parking Lot

A Lee County teacher is accused of driving under the influence and deputies say she crashed into another car in her school's parking lot.

Deputies say on Thursday morning, the Dunbar Middle School, school resource officer called to report a minor crash that happened in the parking lot.

The crash involved teacher Christine Murgueytio's white Kia and another parked car.

The SRO told deputies that Murgueytio might have been impaired because an eyewitness had said that she was stumbling and that her speech was "thick tongued."

When deputies arrived and spoke the teacher, she was asked if she had been drinking or taking any drugs.

According to the arrest report, she replied that she had only taken one Ambien Wednesday night.

When asked to take a field sobriety test, she agreed but asked to do so in the back of the parking lot so that her coworkers and students would not see it happening.

Based on the results of those tests, she was placed in custody and asked to give a breath sample.

And as the deputy was gathering her things from her car, according to the arrest report, he found two beer cans in her lunch box next to some uneaten plums.

Murgueytio also agreed to give a urine sample, which was then placed into evidence.

She was then taken to the Lee County Jail, but has since been released on bond.

___________________

At first glance, you might think this teacher is drunk first thing in the morning because she  has to deal with junior high kids. But in reality, it's because she drives a Kia. I mean, really! Who wouldn't start chugging beers on the way to work if you had to be seen in a Kia. Isn't that just nothing more than an imitation Honda? Or Toyota?

Or maybe she drinks because she has an unpronounceable name that she has to spell all the time.

Regardless, if she'd eaten the plums no one would have noticed. For sure she would have then been more regular. Oh.....that's prunes? I mean, dried plums? I know they no longer like to market them as prunes.

But she didn't eat the plums and they did notice. No doubt because she was playing bumper cars in the parking lot and staggering around looking for more beer checking out the damage. Then she tries to blame her "thick tongued" speech on an Ambien she had taken. Who knew Ambien smelled like beer?

At least they had the decency to take her out by the school's smoking section to make her do the field sobriety test so the kids couldn't see. Wouldn't want to scare those innocent, impressionable little minds now would we. But that didn't stop the cops from tossing her in the back seat of a squad car and carting her off to jail.

Even as the kids were cheering from their classes, teachers were pondering "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Are you ready?

Gray skies pressed down coldly overhead, 

crying drizzling tears 

upon hunched shoulders 

and umbrella-covered heads. 

It was a great day to watch college football.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Who here can write?

“We’d heard you are a good writer and we would like you to write some content for our new web site,” said the marketing director.

“I’d love to,” replied the lowly salesman. “I have some great ideas about 2D bar code use. But tell me, do I have to limit my story to 55 words?”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - TV Addiction Hurts

Even in my own home town I am not safe from idiocy...and this wasn't the only story featuring brain cell deprived in my neck of the woods. The story I'm not going to share here is one about the drug dealers who placed "Heroin for sale" fliers around their neighborhood. Needless to say, they got busted and so did this guy.....

Man Breaks into Home to Watch TV

PORTLAND, OR - Police in Oregon say a man broke into a home in Portland to watch television.

The Oregonian reported that 32-year-old Jason Leon Bastrom faces charges of criminal trespass after the homeowner called police.

Police say Bastrom let himself in through an unlocked front door early Sunday and sat down on the couch to watch television. They say the homeowner alerted authorities, and then sent over a family member who lived nearby.

Authorities say the family member confronted Bastrom and struck him in the head, knocking him unconscious. Authorities took Bastrom to the hospital to be treated for injuries before booking him into the Multnomah County Jail.

__________________________

What first comes to my attention is this guy broke into a house on Sunday morning....in the fall....during football season....to watch TV.  Me thinks his own TV must have been on the fritz, so he decides to break into a house to catch a little pre-game. Maybe looking for insight before he calls his bookie.

What did he do? Walk from door to door in this neighborhood twisting door knobs until he found one unlocked? He probably has a masters degree. Just sayin'.

My curiosity is piqued by the "nearby family member" who "struck him in the head and knocked him unconscious". "Family Member" either has fists of steel or packs a cast iron skillet and TV addict guy had to be carted off to the local hospital for treatment.  Probably pouring out blood like Chuck Wepner. For those too young to remember, Chuck was a fighter known for three things - nearly beating Muhammad Ali, being the basis for the movie "Rocky" and having the nickname Bayonne Bleeder.

Poor homeowner, so frightened they had to call in reinforcements and no doubt pissed because they couldn't watch the game on their TV. What a shame.

Can you imagine starting to walk into your living room to take in NFL on Fox and seeing a stranger already tuned in? I know I would immediately have to say, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Lost

Wandering aimlessly, 

he refused to believe 

he could be lost. 

Food & water – gone. 

He teetered 

on the brink of panic 

and then remembered 

it was only a corn maze.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Implants?

“Did you read about the Danish study that concluded radiation from cell phones doesn’t increase the risk of cancer or tumors in the brain?”

“Yah, I suppose now cell phone manufacturers will try to figure out a way to implant phones directly into our heads.”

“Well, that’s one way to do away with butt dialing.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - What a Bunch of Bologna

What The Hell Wednesday has posted a number of stories that fall under the category of "This can't possibly be true", but I am here to tell you that this one is the topper. I only ask one question with this report - "Why?"

Bologna Smuggler Caught at Border

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- A New Mexico resident has been cited after federal officials say he tried to smuggle 76 pounds of bologna into the U.S. from Mexico by hiding it in a spare tire.

U.S. Customs and Border Protection said last week that the eight rolls of Mexican bologna were discovered aboard a truck at an El Paso port of entry on Friday.

According to officials, officers detected an anomaly in the appearance of a Ford F-150 as it arrived at the Paso Del Norte international crossing port. Agents scanned the spare tire with a "Buster" density meter.

When they opened the spare tire, officials said agents found the bologna hidden inside

The driver was assessed a $1,000 civil penalty and was released.

_____________

Really? Bologna? Oscar Mayer not good enough for you? Something extra special hidden in the Mexican bologna? Longer lasting than putting air in your spare? Why not just declare it?

Oh! You say you can't bring prepared meat from Mexico into the US? Then that must be some pretty tasty bologna. Or just cheap. Then again, it's not so cheap when it costs you a civil penalty of $1000.00 or $13,526.56 Mexican Pesos for those keeping track of the monetary exchange across the border.

But for me it just keeps coming back to bologna. Bologna? Do you know what's in that stuff? It's like a flattened hot dog. Does that tell you enough? It's finely ground "sausage" with lard added to it. Yup. Lard.

Can you just image what goes into bologna where processing plants don't have the FDA breathing down their necks? Makes me gag just thinking about it.

But I do get a real chuckle out of picturing the looks on the border patrols' faces when they open up a spare tire thinking "Huge drug bust....great glory for us" and they find.....bologna....76 pounds of bologna. There is no doubt in my mind they literally screamed "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Naked Fall

Ominous hues of black and gray 

rolled through the skies 

with grim ferocity 

sucking even the brightest 

of fall colors 

from the trees, 

leaving them to feel naked.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Death at Dinner

The family stood over the lifeless form in disbelief. 

Where there had once been the clatter of plates 

and an animated chatter of dinner conversation, 

there was now stunned silence. 

Seconds seemed like hours 

until a voice piped in, 

“You can play dead all you want, 

but it won’t get you out of washing dishes.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Just Desserts

While this isn't the first time someone has run afoul with the law for a "food fight" - see my previous WHTW's titled "That Steak Packs a Punch" and "Tatter Tussel" - I am sure it also won't be the last. Just the same, this story carries an oddity the other two don't...

Woman Arrested For Cupcake Attack

CHICAGO - A Chicago woman arrested on a domestic battery charge allegedly hit her husband over the head and pelted him with cupcakes, police said.

Chicago police said they were called to a home Saturday night in the Brighton Park neighborhood on the Southwest Side of the city and officers arrived to find the husband with smudges of icing on his head and body, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday.

The husband told police he feared for his safety.

Police said the woman admitted to throwing the cupcakes and used "a very aggressive tone" when speaking to officers.

Dawn Montesdeoca, 60, was arrested on a misdemeanor count of domestic battery. Cook County Circuit Judge Adam D. Bourgeois Jr. ordered electronic monitoring for the woman.

________________

I love that this food fight happened in Cook County. That is so appropriate. But my guess is that Dawn may not have been such a great cook. I mean, how else could this fight have started?

Husband: "Dawn, these cupcakes taste like sh#* and they're so heavy we could hurt someone with them. When are you gonna learn how to bake?"

Dawn: "Great idea....Catch."

So put yourself in the position of being the police who show up at this domestic disturbance and find a guy covered with icing and cake bits. How do you keep from laughing? I mean really. I would have almost bit my tongue in two suppressing even a giggle. Then in their report they actually write that Dawn used "a very aggressive tone" with them. Uh, yah. At least she didn't throw more of her crappy cupcakes.

Not to mention that husband is probably lucky Dawn only picked up cupcakes. But what's next? How will this escalate the next time her cooking is complained about? Husband can only hope she doesn't cook with a cast iron skillet. Or bake pies....you know....rolling pin.

One thing is more than certain, and that is when the Chicago police shared this story back at the precinct house more than one of their peers pronounced between laughs, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Old Haunts

Sitting quietly at her table, 

she felt a presence 

and began her order. 

Turning to her server, 

she saw no one was there 

and a shivering chill rushed through her.

______________________________

Mrs. MM and I are on our way to celebrate our 19th anniversary in a small town in the beautifully scenic Columbia Gorge. While there we intend to enjoy a meal at The Baldwin Saloon which is said to be haunted. We are most excited about it. I hope you all have a good weekend. I won't be stopping by to read your 160's until after our return, but I will stop by.
Thanks in advance for playing along with the Sunday 160.

_______________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Fall Creeps

The lone leaf loosed the grasp

of its wooden perch

and drifted slowly to their feet.

Huddled close,

as the evening’s chill

sucked the last warmth

from the day,

they felt the shift to Fall

in the full moon’s cool illumination,

the smell of drifting fireplace smoke

and the haunting hoots of an unseen owl.

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Nice Doggie

I have to admit, I very nearly skipped putting together a What The Hell Wednesday this week, but when I saw this story, I just had to share. It also had one my all time favorite attributes....it's short.

Kind K-9 Encounter Ends In Arrest

If you have marijuana in your pocket, it's not a good idea to pet a patrolling police dog.

The Binghamton Press & Sun Bulletin reports that 48-year-old Kelly Simpson was busted Wednesday after he stopped to pet K-9 Tarah, who was on foot patrol with her handler in Endicott.

Police say Tarah smelled marijuana and alerted the officer.

Simpson was charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation, and released on an appearance ticket.

___________________

See....short. Just like the foresight of the idiot who just had to pet the dog. What was he thinking??? Oh, that's right, thinking isn't part of the process for one Kelly Simpson.

Did he think there's that word again that he would get over on the policeman? Did he think and again that police dogs are only used to out run criminals and grab them in their teeth? Did he forget like he ever knew that a dog's sense of smell is it's strongest sense? Or was he just plain stupid...rhetorical question, people...rhetorical...we all know the answer.

Of course since I never inhaled, I wouldn't know, but apparently the use of marijuana dulls the mind. Or again, Kelly is just plain stupid. Or both? Votes??

All of the above it is.

For certain, Kelly must have been frightened when the K-9 started "altering his handler". I am sure as the dog pushed its nose into Kelly's marijuana lined pocket, he screamed, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Heartless

As the coroner made his “Y” incision 

and opened the cadaver’s chest, 

his assistant gasped, 

“He has no heart.” 

“He was a Wall Street CEO…

he didn’t need a heart.”

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Damn Modern Music

“I just don’t like the music 

played on the radio these days. 

Half the time, 

I can’t understand the words. 

The music I grew up with 

was so much more interesting 

and told an intricate 

and fascinating story. 

AND today's lyrics are so repetitive.”

“I have four words for you, Dad. Cream - I’m So Glad.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Hang up and drive

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may already know how I feel about those who talk on their cell phones while driving. If you don't know, then go read THIS....but put down your phone first. In the spirit of "Get off your damn cell phone and drive" I found this little gem. Okay, so it's not so little. It may be one of the longest articles I have regurgitated, but if it weren't good it wouldn't be here.

Ex-Cop Reporting Drunk Diver Told To Hang Up

CALGARY - Following a suspected drunk driver who was weaving all over the highway near Okotoks, retired Mountie Rob Laird grabbed his cellphone and dialed 911.

But Laird said he was shocked when after taking his information, the RCMP dispatcher told him to hang up and stop following the suspect SUV as Laird was breaking the province's new distracted driving law.

"In all my years (of policing) I never saw anyone drive like this," said Laird, who was an RCMP officer for 10 years in Okotoks, High River and Calgary.

"Completely over into the left-hand lane forcing vehicles to take the ditch and shoulder, then back again and down into the other ditch where I thought 'he'll end it here and roll it' but this went on for a long ways.

"Finally we pulled up to a traffic light by Okotoks and stopped so I wrote the license plate down and phoned 911.

"I told the girl I was going to witness a fatal accident."

After giving the dispatcher the plate number and a description of the vehicle, Laird said he was told not to follow the vehicle any longer as he was breaking the law himself.

"She said 'are you on hands-free?' and I said 'no, I'm not' and she says 'sir, I want you to hang up because you are breaking the law and I want you to cease following that vehicle.'"

Laird didn't listen, however, and after hanging up, said he followed the SUV to Black Diamond.

"I watched him get out and stagger and fall and grab his golf clubs out of the trunk and stagger into the house and basically get away with this crime," he said.

Given the gravity of the situation, Laird said the police should have been more worried about a potential drunk driver than his holding a cell phone to his ear.

"My understanding of the law is if you are calling about an emergency, you can use your phone," he said.

But that's not entirely true, explained RCMP spokesman Tim Taniguchi.

"It basically says the use of a cellular phone or other communication device (is allowed) for contacting an emergency response unit by an individual driving or operation a vehicle," he said.

"What we do is if a person calls from a vehicle using a wireless device, that's a contact, we get sufficient information to effect a police response."

Taniguchi said police got enough information from Laird -- the license plate, vehicle make and color -- to begin investigation, which is now ongoing.

"We cannot allow the driver to follow a vehicle while on a phone because that's going against the legislation," he said.

"The best situation would be to have a hands-free device or allow a passenger to use the phone and relay information." 

 _______________

So who's the bad guy here? We have three parties all of whom is that right? If it isn't I know someone out there will correct me seem to be teetering on the edge of wrong. Okay, so drunk, weaving, careless idiot driver is  NOT on the edge but waaay over. The other two, however, are clearly in that area of two rights - one trying to be more right than the other - are not necessarily right.

But before I get into that....Okotoks?? Who names these towns? Oh yeah, Canadians. Now back to my story.

Ex-cop just can't stop being a cop. Dispatcher is so rigid with rules she probably can't go to the bathroom without a handbook. These two were on a collision course with one trying to be more right and law abiding than the other. So much so that the drunk gets away. He even has time to get his golf clubs out of his trunk. Saaaay! I wonder if the SUV driver was the same guy caught drunk driving in a golf cart in Massachusetts - you know...the one someone called police about to say a clown stole a golf cart? Naaah. Couldn't be.

But to add insult to injury, we get a lesson on what is legal and what is illegal about using a "non-hands-free" cellular device while driving. Gee, common sense says if you have doubt don't. Which brings me to another point - common sense doesn't appear to be so common any more. So sad.

Without a doubt, when ex-cop and dispatcher hung up from talking with one another, they simultaneously said, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Zombie Hangover

Alone and afraid 

as footsteps crept ever closer, 

she hoped they wouldn't find her. 

Then a voice grunted, 

"Zombie Walk was last Friday. 

You can stop hiding now.”

____________

I had so much fun clicking through the list of Zombie Walk participants, 

I just couldn't get out of the mood. I had to write another Zombiesque post. 

Happy October all.

______________________________

If you want to play along with the Sunday 160. Here are the rules.

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

Post Apocalypse 55

The long war had finally ended. 

Disease and violence 

had taken its toll 

through the entire apocalyptic event.

A new world of normalcy now prevailed. 

In a small recovering town, 

a bell jingled 

with the opening of a door 

as the bent shopkeeper slowly grunted, 

“Whut kin Ah git fur ya?” 

“Brains,” 

came the reply.

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall
in  combination with Zombie Walk

hosted by Ghost Hunting Theories.

For more 55's pay G-man a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
For a list of Zombie Walk participants
check out the list below.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

______________

Zombie Walk Participants

Ghost Hunting Theories
Above the Norm: Bizarre Arizona
Zombies Everywhere
Holly's Horrorland
Little Gothic Horrors
Anything Horror
Katy Bennett Horror Writer and Poet
Bubba's Place
Horror Smorgasbord
Gnostalgia
Monkey Man
Words and Music
Red Shoes Chronicles
The Wolf's Eyes
My Day in a Sentence
Pixie's Horror Galore
Strange State
The Misadventures of HalloweeNut
Halloween Blues
Kweeny Todd
The California Blogging Massacre
Horror Shock Lolipop
Vanessa Morgan
Improbable Frontiers
No Really, You Can Eat It
Art By Living Dead Girl Nicole
Two Gory Chicks
A Dust Bunny in the Wind
A Ghoul's Best Friend
Zombies Are Magic
Cherry Neko Saves the World
Tall Tales
At the Mansion of Madness
The Haunted Rose
The Rotting Zombie
Halloween Overkill
Out of the Shadows
Creepy Glow Keyhole Gallery
Creepy Glowbugg
Bifocal Univision
Haiku-Koo-Koo
Sherry Soule
Anchors and Roses
Paranormal Researchers Group
Whispering Pines History
Lovely Miss Megs
Sean Thomas Fisher's Blogwash
Rise and Fight
Stump Town Horror
LoliClown's Little Blog of Horror
Zombies Can't Love
Books and Beyond
The Grave Bandits
Screaming Goregasms
Lazy Daisy Life
Icky Monster
Pretty in Fiction
Ivy's Closet
Justine's Halloween
Annie Walls
Just Johnny

What The Hell Wednesday - Simon Says

 I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised to see the words "drunk" or "stoned" or "DUI" in the headlines of the stories I review for this weekly funfest. After all, if these people were in their right minds they probably wouldn't be featured in articles about stupid criminals now would they? Don't answer that...it's rhetorical.

Drunk Robber Faked Out By Clerk

PALM BAY, Fla. -- Authorities in Florida say a drunk woman who allegedly tried to rob a convenience store with a toy gun was tricked by a clerk who faked the arrival of police.

Palm Bay police said clerks at a Kangaroo Express store told them Wilnelia Caraballo, 19, was wearing a clear plastic mask and carrying an "Uzi-type" toy gun when she walked into the store at 5:51 a.m. Sunday and went behind the counter.

Police said one clerk, who had been stocking a cooler at the time, spotted Caraballo behind the counter and shouted "Palm Bay police, get on the ground!"

Investigators said Caraballo, who was intoxicated, complied with the instructions and a second clerk held her until officers arrived.

Caraballo was charged with attempted armed robbery and taken to the Brevard County Jail.

 _______________

I hardly see the need to comment on this story because it holds its own so well.  Intoxicated at 5:51 a.m. Wearing a clear plastic mask. Hits the dirt after a shout out by a store clerk who didn't even say "Simon Says". How dumb are we, Wilnelia? And what kind of a name is that? Your momma and daddy liked Willie Nelson so much they named you after him?

See what I mean? This just writes itself. Willienelsonia, wearing a clear mask so she won't be recognized and carrying a toy gun to be intimidating, gets her drunk self out smarted by a clerk who has the wherewithal to pretend to be the police.

First time robbing a convenience store, Wilnelsonmandelia?

Drink too much liquid courage before the heist? 

Not familiar with the rules to Simon Says?

Too stupid for words?

I'm thinking the latter, for sure.

One thing is certain and that is once Wilnelia realized she had been out witted by a convenience store clerk not to say convenience store clerks are dumb - I like my local convenience store clerk, he is a super nice guy I am sure she just mumbled "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Superstition

The fastidious ritual 

would give him 

control over the destiny 

of his hated rivals 

and place victory 

in his hands. 

His wife thought 

face paint looked ridiculous.

______________________________

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________