Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - Simon Says

 I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised to see the words "drunk" or "stoned" or "DUI" in the headlines of the stories I review for this weekly funfest. After all, if these people were in their right minds they probably wouldn't be featured in articles about stupid criminals now would they? Don't answer that...it's rhetorical.

Drunk Robber Faked Out By Clerk

PALM BAY, Fla. -- Authorities in Florida say a drunk woman who allegedly tried to rob a convenience store with a toy gun was tricked by a clerk who faked the arrival of police.

Palm Bay police said clerks at a Kangaroo Express store told them Wilnelia Caraballo, 19, was wearing a clear plastic mask and carrying an "Uzi-type" toy gun when she walked into the store at 5:51 a.m. Sunday and went behind the counter.

Police said one clerk, who had been stocking a cooler at the time, spotted Caraballo behind the counter and shouted "Palm Bay police, get on the ground!"

Investigators said Caraballo, who was intoxicated, complied with the instructions and a second clerk held her until officers arrived.

Caraballo was charged with attempted armed robbery and taken to the Brevard County Jail.
I hardly see the need to comment on this story because it holds its own so well.  Intoxicated at 5:51 a.m. Wearing a clear plastic mask. Hits the dirt after a shout out by a store clerk who didn't even say "Simon Says". How dumb are we, Wilnelia? And what kind of a name is that? Your momma and daddy liked Willie Nelson so much they named you after him?

See what I mean? This just writes itself. Willienelsonia, wearing a clear mask so she won't be recognized and carrying a toy gun to be intimidating, gets her drunk self out smarted by a clerk who has the wherewithal to pretend to be the police.

First time robbing a convenience store, Wilnelsonmandelia?

Drink too much liquid courage before the heist? 

Not familiar with the rules to Simon Says?

Too stupid for words?

I'm thinking the latter, for sure.

One thing is certain and that is once Wilnelia realized she had been out witted by a convenience store clerk not to say convenience store clerks are dumb - I like my local convenience store clerk, he is a super nice guy I am sure she just mumbled "What the Hell?"


Helen said...

I am sitting here laughing out loud - to myself - and it's not the glass of wine I'm drinking!!!

Cloudia said...


Warm Aloha from Waikiki;

Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >


Cathy Feaster said...

hahaha...the image of her holding a toy uzi has me cracking up!

steveroni said...

MM, are you sure she mumbled, "What the hell?" Where she is going she'll learn a couple new words...I'm sure--grin!

Brian Miller said...

dude...haha...one more reason not to brink too much...and not to take your kids toys out of the house...

MorningAJ said...

Hey - everyone's stupid at 5.50am - but stupid AND drunk is gonna lose every time!

Julie Ferguson said...

Hahaha, thanks for the morning laugh. I almost spit my coffee.

Pheromone Girl said...

I can't imagine anyone still drunk at 5:30 in the morning. Or was she just drunk?

I wonder if her ankle bracelet had fallen off and her breathalizer was on the fritz...

Jannie Funster said...

LOL on the Wille naming. I'm in his country, ya know! I mean he lives in Austin. Or nearby.

What a sad lady. Did she start drinking real real early? Or was still up from the previous night.