Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sunday 160 - Puleeze!


"Do you come here often?" he asked
as gin sloshed out of his glass.
"The nerve," she answered
as she backed slowly away
from the drunk.
"This is the ladies room.”
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160
 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.
____________________

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Revealed - 55




Hiding behind a mask of words
from a vivid imagination,
he kept people at a distance.
To trust was to allow vulnerability.
Anonymity was a safe home,
a place to hide,
yet reveal in bits and pieces
while speaking from the heart:
 his true source
of feelings and soul.

Read me and know me.

________________________


This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge

write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160
___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.
I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - New Quit Smoking Program

A few weeks ago, I was considering shelving What The Hell Wednesday due to the low number of comments which I interpret as lack of interest on the part of blog readers. Then a few thoughts started playing air hockey in my head with my tiny little brain. Like: why am I being such a comment whore; Why should I care if readers like it if I get enjoyment out of it; and how can I not continue this goofy adventure into the world of the stupid and inept when there are headlines out there like these...

"Nude burglar was tripping on acid"
"Man traded borrowed car for drugs"
"Man says he was beaten with frozen meat"
"No, officer, I stole more than that"
"Man calls 911 on 'The Media'"

You see each week it is a tough call to come up with a great story because they are all so good. My WTHW choice of this week goes to this headline and story.

Wife 'snaps'. Beats her husband with rock for smoking while he was sick

Callaway, FL — A woman was arrested Wednesday morning for beating her husband with a rock, claiming she didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette because of his poor health.


“A woman can only take so much,” she told a deputy.


According to a Bay County Sheriff’s Office incident report, the couple’s 18-year-old daughter called 9-1-1 about 11:31 a.m. Wednesday when she saw her mother beating her father with a rock.


A deputy said that, when they arrived at the scene off North Lakewood Drive, he saw the victim sitting “Indian fashion” on the ground in front of the residence; he was hunched over with his hands over his head, trying to protect himself. His wife was standing behind him. She kicked him in the hip and was using a rock to hit him in the head, the report said.


A deputy told the 41-year-old woman to get off her husband a few times, but she continued to strike him and scream at him, telling him “to give her the cigarettes,” the report said.

 
Both husband and wife told deputies they had been suffering with the flu recently and had not felt well. The night before, they got into an argument and the woman scratched her husband’s face, the report said. When he mentioned going outside to smoke a cigarette that morning, the wife became angry and told him “he did not need to be smoking since he is sick,” according to the report.


She followed him outside and began to argue with him, then jumped on him and began hitting him in the head with “a small ceramic bird,” the report said. She grabbed other items to hit him, finally picking up a rock.


The man refused treatment by EMS. He said “he knew how to take care of himself,” the report said.


The woman was charged with aggravated battery domestic violence. She said she had been dealing with “a lot of (expletive)” for some time and “a woman can only take so much,” the report said.

She said she was upset because he had the flu and she told him not to smoke, but he went outside and smoked anyway. She added, “A person can only take so much before they snap,” the report said.

Told what she was being charged with, she responded, “Yeah, I hit him with the rock,” according to the report.

The rock was submitted into evidence.

Now THAT'S conflict resolution of the highest order. "Do what I tell you or I'll hit you with a rock". Now I know you are all saying, "Monkey Man, that was a really long story. How can you expect us to read all of that when we have 856 other blogs to read and comment on?" Well, when a story is this good you just have to go with it. Besides that....it's my blog and I'll do what I want. But if it will make you feel better, I will keep my own comments on the story short so you can move on to more poetry and "my cat coughed up a hair ball" blogs. I know, I write and read poetry, but personally, I need more. So sets my personal record for the number of times I can use 'I' in a sentence.

Okay back to the story at hand. This story really speaks for itself but what shocks me is that this couple raised a daughter who has the where with all to call 911. With these two geniuses at the parental helm, you would think she would be too busy sucking on a bong remember this is a PG (sort of) blog...so BONG it is to bring the police to the rescue.

I also love the line "A woman can only take so much". What? Before she starts beating people with rocks? If she beats him with a rock for smoking, what does she do if he leaves the toilet seat up? Does she bring out the club? A sharp knife? "You leave that toilet seat up one more time and you'll find yourself permanently sitting every time you have to pee." I also love how the beating started with "a small ceramic bird" and ultimately led to the rock. Apparently, she really wanted to make her point.

At least he went outside to smoke. Had he been beaten for smoking inside so he knew better? Or was it just an opportunity to get away from the nagging?

As the local police pulled up and observed the situation and yard strewn with blood spattered ceramic birds, rocks and other hard objects, they surely looked at each other and said, "What the Hell?"

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

One Shot - Wrong Bait


The line floated weightlessly through the air
with the grace of a cloud drifting in the wind.
A flip of the wrist sent it whipping back and forth
as if chasing an unseen foe.
Teasing above calm waters,
the line hoped to entice an unwitting victim.
It would
float,
touch,
tease
yet quarry scattered
like birds from a hungry feral cat.
When would we learn to stop casting aspersions?
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.
__________________________________

Monday, January 3, 2011

Microfiction Monday - This won't hurt a bit



With gas prices continuing to escalate,
Texaco decided to sell a product
that would make it easier
for us all to accept the “circumstances”.


I jumped into this meme from Susan at Stony River.
If you want to play along, pay her a visit.
All you need is the ability to write a short story
in 140 characters (she accepts less).

However, if you like a more exacting challenge.
Try my Sunday 160 - a microfiction using EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Sunday 160 - The Burn


An excruciating heat penetrated his tissue.
He wasn't sure he would survive the burn.
But he knew for certain
he always had to have his chili on New Year’s Day.
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160
 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.
____________________

Thursday, December 30, 2010

55 for Luck

A moment of panic overcame him
as he lost sight of her in the crowd.
Time was running short
and he dare not miss his opportunity.
He searched madly,
knowing she would be hard not to see.
She stood out.
As the clock struck twelve
theirs was a good luck kiss for the New Year.
_________________________

Happy New Year to All!


This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge

write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160
___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.
I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What The Hell Wednesday - Oh Canada!

It seems that What The Hell Wednesday has primarily focused on the good old US of A with a foray or two into Europe I really don't keep track of that kind of detail so if you want to verify, just hit my WTHW archives. So today we visit our fine and friendly neighbors to the north who brought you Molson, Arctic air currents with tons of snow and my friend at Absolutely Narcissism. Really...she is VERY funny and you should go see her.

Drunken Snowmobiler Taunts Police

Mounties say a man was so drunk he thought it would be a good idea to taunt police by spinning his snowmobile around a parking lot while swearing at officers.


Selkirk RCMP say the bizarre incident began around 12:30 a.m. Friday in a hotel parking lot in Petersfield, north of Winnipeg.


The man finally fell off his snowmobile right in front of officers in the midst of his antics, said RCMP.


Police arrested a 35-year-old man from the Rural Municipality of St. Andrews and impounded a 2011 Polaris snowmobile.

Imagine that....a drunken Canadian. Will wonders never cease...eh? Okay, yes, I am stereotyping, but that is just part of the fun of What The Hell Wednesday, it give me free reign to get obnoxious. You know, to be an ugly American. We are soooo good at it.

What I really love about this story is the drunken snowmobiler is riding in circles around the mounties. For some reason this brings to mind the scene in Indiana Jones where the giant of Arabic decent see I can be politically correct brandishes his sword as Indy pulls out a gun and shoots him. Can't you just picture the mounties shaking their heads, pulling out their pistols attached around their necks ala Dudley Dooright and firing away until the bullet riddled snowmobile falls silent. Snowmobiler should have known you done bring a knife to a gun fight.

But in reality, snowmobile guy ends up being so drunk that he falls off the vehicle at the feet of the RCMP. Classic. This is right out of a McKenzie Brothers movie, eh? What was he yelling at the cops? "Eff off you hosers!"? I just wish my imagination was so vivid that I could make this stuff up, but....this is a true story.

I am sure the Mounties looked at the fallen snowmobiler at their feet, shook their heads and said "What the Hell, eh?"

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

One Shot - Fate

Face to face for the first time
yet souls that had been together
for an eternity
connected,
safe,
familiar.
Feelings open and honest
brothers and sisters,
husbands and wives,
lovers
from another time and place
few gain this opportunity
and fewer still understand and follow.
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.
__________________________________

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Sunday 160 - Aftermath


 A glow of spent happiness filled the air.
 Ribbons and wrap littered the floor
 as satisfied smiles
 long lingered
 across the faces
 of Santas of all ages and sizes.
_____________________

For the original Sunday 160
 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160)
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.
____________________
 
Hope all your Christmases were full of happiness and joy.