Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - New Quit Smoking Program

A few weeks ago, I was considering shelving What The Hell Wednesday due to the low number of comments which I interpret as lack of interest on the part of blog readers. Then a few thoughts started playing air hockey in my head with my tiny little brain. Like: why am I being such a comment whore; Why should I care if readers like it if I get enjoyment out of it; and how can I not continue this goofy adventure into the world of the stupid and inept when there are headlines out there like these...

"Nude burglar was tripping on acid"
"Man traded borrowed car for drugs"
"Man says he was beaten with frozen meat"
"No, officer, I stole more than that"
"Man calls 911 on 'The Media'"

You see each week it is a tough call to come up with a great story because they are all so good. My WTHW choice of this week goes to this headline and story.

Wife 'snaps'. Beats her husband with rock for smoking while he was sick

Callaway, FL — A woman was arrested Wednesday morning for beating her husband with a rock, claiming she didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette because of his poor health.

“A woman can only take so much,” she told a deputy.

According to a Bay County Sheriff’s Office incident report, the couple’s 18-year-old daughter called 9-1-1 about 11:31 a.m. Wednesday when she saw her mother beating her father with a rock.

A deputy said that, when they arrived at the scene off North Lakewood Drive, he saw the victim sitting “Indian fashion” on the ground in front of the residence; he was hunched over with his hands over his head, trying to protect himself. His wife was standing behind him. She kicked him in the hip and was using a rock to hit him in the head, the report said.

A deputy told the 41-year-old woman to get off her husband a few times, but she continued to strike him and scream at him, telling him “to give her the cigarettes,” the report said.

Both husband and wife told deputies they had been suffering with the flu recently and had not felt well. The night before, they got into an argument and the woman scratched her husband’s face, the report said. When he mentioned going outside to smoke a cigarette that morning, the wife became angry and told him “he did not need to be smoking since he is sick,” according to the report.

She followed him outside and began to argue with him, then jumped on him and began hitting him in the head with “a small ceramic bird,” the report said. She grabbed other items to hit him, finally picking up a rock.

The man refused treatment by EMS. He said “he knew how to take care of himself,” the report said.

The woman was charged with aggravated battery domestic violence. She said she had been dealing with “a lot of (expletive)” for some time and “a woman can only take so much,” the report said.

She said she was upset because he had the flu and she told him not to smoke, but he went outside and smoked anyway. She added, “A person can only take so much before they snap,” the report said.

Told what she was being charged with, she responded, “Yeah, I hit him with the rock,” according to the report.

The rock was submitted into evidence.

Now THAT'S conflict resolution of the highest order. "Do what I tell you or I'll hit you with a rock". Now I know you are all saying, "Monkey Man, that was a really long story. How can you expect us to read all of that when we have 856 other blogs to read and comment on?" Well, when a story is this good you just have to go with it. Besides's my blog and I'll do what I want. But if it will make you feel better, I will keep my own comments on the story short so you can move on to more poetry and "my cat coughed up a hair ball" blogs. I know, I write and read poetry, but personally, I need more. So sets my personal record for the number of times I can use 'I' in a sentence.

Okay back to the story at hand. This story really speaks for itself but what shocks me is that this couple raised a daughter who has the where with all to call 911. With these two geniuses at the parental helm, you would think she would be too busy sucking on a bong remember this is a PG (sort of) BONG it is to bring the police to the rescue.

I also love the line "A woman can only take so much". What? Before she starts beating people with rocks? If she beats him with a rock for smoking, what does she do if he leaves the toilet seat up? Does she bring out the club? A sharp knife? "You leave that toilet seat up one more time and you'll find yourself permanently sitting every time you have to pee." I also love how the beating started with "a small ceramic bird" and ultimately led to the rock. Apparently, she really wanted to make her point.

At least he went outside to smoke. Had he been beaten for smoking inside so he knew better? Or was it just an opportunity to get away from the nagging?

As the local police pulled up and observed the situation and yard strewn with blood spattered ceramic birds, rocks and other hard objects, they surely looked at each other and said, "What the Hell?"


Bubba said...

Yes, it's hard to walk away from a feature that practically writes itself, isn't it?

I'm glad you've decided to continue. And just so you know, I often read the headlines here (believe it or not) WITHOUT commenting, because frankly some of them are so astoundingly ridiculous that there's really not much I can add.

Keep up your fine journalistic efforts, Double-M!

Sharon Day said...

What is with folks lately? The other day, I typed up some medical reports. A man threw a frozen turkey at his mother for not coming to his home and cooking it for him on Thanksgiving and going instead to the Bahamas. Another man was caught walking along the roadway with a ladder. When asked, the drunk said, "I'm looking for a tree to hang myself." This said by a man walking through the desert.
I kid you not.

Julie Ferguson said...

Glad you decided not to quit... There are so many crazy people out there and you don't know when they just might snap!

Mister Sharaf said...

nice blog

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Myrna R. said...

I must admit, I hadn't read your wednesday blog before, but if they all make me laugh like this one, I'll be sure to read and comment.

Anonymous said...

This puts the OW in Wow. Keep posting these please.

hedgewitch said...

There's an irony here--she's concerned for his HEALTH, so she beats him with a rock...what is wrong with this picture--massive concussion, coma and skull fracture are better ways to go than lung cancer? Maybe she's worried he'll take too long to die from smoking and wants to end his suffering and hold down the medical bills...I have only one question

Was this in Oklahoma?

PS I agree wholeheartedly with the "it's my blog and I'm doing what I want with it" sentiment. Only politicians have to take a poll to decide what's popular enough for them to do. ;)

joanna said...


Like Eric -- I read the captures and SIGH! not much else to say, but a sad ur stupid lot the human race,,,, I like the first one the best "nude burglar tripping on acid.." Sounds like the wife beating her husband & hubby was tripping on something as well.. what was in that cigarette I wonder? a crazy world...some of the 911 calls in Independence area are pretty funny, there was a call about two people fighting on some home owners roof top the police came and it was two raccoons.


Yarnlady said...

I'm with Eric and Joanny...but I love to read these "truths are stranger than fiction" stories....

I will say this about the story....I wasnt' surprised to see it was in florida. Why, you may ask? Well, the population of retirees are high and everyone knows if you stay married long enough you don't want your spouse to die but you sure as hell want to kill him most of the time....and the other thing that I thought.....that'll learn him!

Sandra said...

I think that your readers are lazy (yes, I include myself) so when we see words other than your own divine ones, ie. the news article, we don't want to read it, because the words are not your own divine ones. See, you shouldn't take the lower volume of comments personally, it's actually a testament to how much we love your writing.
By the way there's nothing wrong with being a comment whore.
By the way, I'm a little offended that you didn't write, "I will keep my own comments on the story short so you can move on to more poetry and "my husband runs around naked after painting the walls pink" blogs...yes, yes, I do tend to make everything about me...and your point is?...

Enchanted Oak said...

Hi,MM! I'm staying away from blogging for a few days, forcing myself to get assignments done. Look how successful I've been~! Just want you to know I love your WTH Wednesdays.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I read this one out loud to my Boerewors, to which he answered "Is that what you're going to do to me?"

"I won't beat you with small ceramic birds or rocks, I'll do a good job - yeah some serious damage".

Shadow said...

i can only shake my head... what was she thinking??? no wait. she wasn't.

Deborah said...

LOL .. this is soo insanely funny,
"A woman can only take so much". What? Before she starts beating people with rocks? !!!! LOL again :o)

MorningAJ said...

I think the reason so few people comment is that we're all speechless by the time we get to the end of them. I mean. There's only so many times you can write OMG isn't there? :)

Tabor said...

I usually read them althougt I do not often comment on them...they are sort of scary.

Maude Lynn said...

So . . . she was out of Nicorette?

steveroni said...

...and Peeps like me read Crap like that? And then even COMMENT on it? Sheeesh!--grin!

There IS some good in her--she must love birds, so quit the ceramic banging. Guess she does NOT like rocks...NOR her husband!

Now I realize why the NAPLES DAILY NEWS is no longer found at my house.
Thanks, Monkey Man!
Steve E

DaleTheDoll said...

Hey, Monkey Man, you sure those headlines weren't ones you keep in a keepsake album of all your antics?

Rachel Hoyt said...

I too love that she kept repeating "a woman can only take so much..."

So, a wife shouldn't have to deal with her husband harming himself through smoking (because it's TOO MUCH), but a husband should have to put up with beatings?! I'm confused. LOL.

Marla said...

“A woman can only take so much,”

Well, yeah! I have to admit I have thought of beating Bob with a chicken a time or two.

Caty said...

that poor guy! I'm glad you're continuing with something you (and a lot of others) enjoy =)

Unknown said...

The best way to quit smoking is using the e-cigarette compared to the others.At the morning time the lungs are relatively free of nicotine and the craving for a smoke can be curbed. If you do keep your hands off cigarette it becomes easier to forget the next one. Keeping a substitute like herbal tea or smokers lozenges can be of great help. But the best substitute is to have a glass of water and get busy with some manual work. By evening time you would automatically start feeling the difference within your own body. The freshness of a nicotine free lung would make you feel good.

smokeless cigarette

Argent said...

There have been times when I've wanted to beat someone with small hard objects - I think a small ceramic bird has just the right surreal feel to it.

I'm new to you blog and I like WFHW very much.