Sunday 160 - Winding Down

The last hot breath of summer 

rushed from the hills 

to the valley below. 

Warming with all its might 

the cool air 

left by fall's stealthy visit 

the night before.

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1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

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55 - It is upon us

Hypnotically entranced before the sacred alter, 

he murmured in a slow inaudible tone. 

He rocked in a rhythmic pattern 

as family members leaned in 

to try to make sense 

of what they perceived 

as a meticulous mantra. 

Finally someone said, 

“Would you please 

step away from the television? 

College football season doesn’t start until Saturday.”

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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Quit Clowning Around

 Last week may have brought you one of the dumbest criminals on record, but this story brings the just plain goofiest....and I love goofy stuff. Here's hoping you do to.

Golfer Mistaken for Clown

BATAVIA, N.Y. - A Massachusetts man whose colorful golf attire was briefly mistaken for a clown outfit has been charged in New York with driving a golf cart while drunk.

The Genesee County sheriff says they got a report that someone dressed as a clown was operating a stolen golf cart in the western New York town of Batavia on Sunday night. Deputies found 37-year-old James Straub, of Stoneham, Mass., driving along a road.

He wasn't dressed as a clown - just wearing some colorful clothing after an outing at Terry Hills Golf Course. But deputies say he was intoxicated.

Straub pleaded not guilty in town court to a misdemeanor count of driving while intoxicated and a lesser charge of refusing to take a breath test. He didn't have a lawyer at his initial appearance.

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I must say that I am shocked no....not that someone mistook golf attire for a clown outfit that a golfer was intoxicated. Really, now. Golf is an intense sport.....just like softball. As a matter of fact these sports are so intense and involved the participants require multiple breaks for the libation and smoke of their choice.

Have you ever seen a football, basketball or soccer player stop in the middle of a game Note I didn't mention baseball to smoke and drink? Oh, wait. Europeans play soccer, er, futball so there may very well be smoking and drinking during matches. I know there are in the stands...how else would you explain hooliganism??? You never hear about that sort of thing in the states. What? A brawl in San Francisco when they played the Raiders?? Impossible.

Back to the story. I am so easily distracted. Picture, if you will, James Staub in the 19th hole after his round of golf. Beertender says "Buddy, hand over those car keys, you're too drunk to drive." To which James replies, "F.U. I doan need no stinkin' car to get outta here," runs out to hop in a golf cart and races off into the evening only to be caught in an O.J. Simpson slow motion chase with the local sheriff.

Lights pulsating in signature red and blue. Siren screeching out a staccato Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Sheriff walking next to the "speeding" cart all the while thinking "This guy really is a clown," while drivers in cars pass by looking at the scene and asking themselves, "What the hell?"

Sunday 160 - Calm Down Irene, Please

Under the comfort and warmth 

of calm blue Pacific Northwest skies 

he counted his blessings 

and hoped those same skies 

would soon appear 

on the eastern seaboard.

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1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

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55 - Exercising Discipline

Shaking his head back and forth 

in utter disbelief, he said, 

“I’ve been using these exercise videos 

for more than a week 

and I’ve actually gained weight. 

I just can’t figure it out.” 

To which his wife eagerly replied, 

“Maybe if you actually DID the exercises 

instead of just watching, you might see some results.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - GPS Jewelry

Sometimes even I am amazed at the stupidity of some criminals and I read any number of articles in order to find one that truly qualifies as a candidate for my What The Hell Wednesday. What follows, from our friends at The Associated Press, may possibly be a story of the dumbest dumb criminal yet.

GPS Places Suspect at Scene of Crime

MARLOW — A man wearing an ankle monitor as a condition of his release on bond has been arrested after the monitor placed him at the scene of the theft of oilfield equipment.

Stephens County Sheriff Wayne McKinney says Lonnie Nunley was arrested Friday after a deputy and the owner of the stolen equipment saw some of the items in the back of Nunley's truck parked outside his home. McKinney says Nunley denied stealing the equipment — but the ankle monitor placed him at the oilfield at the time of the theft.

The GPS monitor was placed on Nunley in July as a condition of his release on bond after he was charged with stealing about $300,000 in equipment from other oilfields in southwest Oklahoma.

I mean really, dude. Were you not listening when the courts strapped that ankle bracelet on you? When they told you it was a monitor? Were you just going "Nya, nya nya nya....I can't hear you."?  And what's this about leaving the stolen items in the back of your truck.....in front of your house? Can't afford a $3 tarp? What a idiot! yes, I meant to say "uh idiot".

Then you deny stealing anything right to the faces of the property's owner and the police. I guess that's the thing about stupid people, they think that everyone is just as dumb as they are. "I din't steal that thar stuff off'sir. Sum buddy mussa put it der."

At which time the office notes the jewelry on your ankle and says "We'll see about that."

But really! Oil field equipment? Really? Since I'm not from Oklahoma, but that other 'O' state that cuts down trees to ruin the environment as opposed to drilling for oil, I don't understand the sharp reasoning behind this theft. Gonna go drill for your own oil, Lonnie? Gonna try to sell it back to the original owner? Gonna hold it for ransom?

Whatever. Stupid is as stupid does and I am sure when he was shown a print out of his recent locations he shook the beans out of his ears and said, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Silent Love

Face to face and hand in hand. 

They sat in silent conversation. 

Neither having to speak a word. 

Both knowing what the other felt. 

Love didn’t need to be chatty.

______________________________

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - The Legend

Parting his lips slightly, 

he curled the edges of his mouth 

and revealed his dazzling smile. 

He winked at his admirer, 

who, not surprisingly, 

winked back. 

Ever the charmer 

and always humble 

he thought to himself, 

“I’ve still got it,” 

when a voice from behind him said, 

“Quit worshipping yourself in the mirror, will ya.”

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join me for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Just Another Nut

Just when I was thinking it was a bad week for a really good stupid criminal stories, this one popped off the page okay it was my screen because of the Nutcracker headline. I was thinking about the great innuendo I could create around that, even though I have a reputation as a pretty PG blog. So we'll just have to see how that goes. 

Woman Held After Nutcracker Attack on Man

A 19-year-old Palm Bay woman faces charges after police said she beat a man with a wooden nutcracker, then slapped and bit him following an argument over messages left on her cell phone.

Brianna Del Rio was charged with battery after police were called to a residence to investigate a disturbance. Police officers arrived to find a man identified as Del Rio’s boyfriend with cuts on his face and a bite mark on his side.

Del Rio will have an Aug. 24 hearing on the charge.

Police said the couple had gotten into an argument Aug. 6 over the cell-phone messages, prompting Del Rio to attack the man, first by slapping him, then by hitting him with a wooden nutcracker and other objects.

Del Rio told police that the man held a gun to her head but officers did not find her story to be credible, reports show.

Before I start commenting on the content of this wonderful tale....I just have to wag my finger at the writer - "had gotten"? Really? You're a journalist? Had gotten? Puleeze. Just go back to school....elementary school.

Oh yeah. the story.

What did "boyfriend" write in his text? Maybe Brianna is an English student and he wrote something that included "had gotten" in the body of the text. Wait! That's my fixation. But what was it? Did he really tell her how she looked in those pants?

The she grabs a nutcracker...a big wooden nutcracker! Who keeps those big wooden nutcracker hanging around the house any time but Christmas? She must be...uh....nuts. Then she slaps and bites him. What? The nutcracker not making big enough marks on this guy?

Okay, I know, it takes two to tango or crack some nuts so I am sure boyfriend isn't totally innocent here. Back to the text. Did he send something he meant for someone else? Did he call her another person's name...? A GIRL's name? Or was he using the text break up method?

Boyfriend Text: i no i m right in front of u but this is gud bye.....can i have my nutcracker back?

I guess that might piss someone off. If that was the message and it wasn't the alleged gun at her head, how lame. I am sure Brianna said "What the Hell?" just before she began the process of giving the nutcracker back.

Sunday 160 - Wish upon a star

He remembered gazing 

into the night skies as a boy 

wishing upon white threads of light 

streak across the heavens. 

Now he just wished the pollution wasn’t light.

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If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

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