What The Hell Wednesday - This Stinks

When it comes to the unusual, I just can't resist, and this theft doesn't just teeter on the unusual, it jumps right off bizarre bluffs. I mean, if you're gonna steal....make it worth while. Or make it worth me having a great time making fun of your stupidity. So as read in the Athens Banner-Herald.

Store has second deodorant theft in a week

Police in Georgia said a man attempted to steal several deodorant sticks from a pharmacy that was struck by a similar crime a week earlier.

Athens-Clarke County police said the man was caught on a security camera fleeing the store Friday with nine sticks of deodorant in four varieties stuffed into his cargo pants.

Police said the incident took place exactly one week after employees stopped a woman from stealing 12 deodorant sticks from the shelves.

Police were searching for the latest thief.

OKAY then. Stealing deodorant. If he needed it that badly, I am sure bloodhounds would have no problem following his trail. But then again, maybe it's not him with the odor issue. Maybe it's his family and he is just tired of having to put up with the smell. But nine sticks? That's either a very big family or a very big smell.

Apparently each family member has discerning tastes in deodorant - nine sticks in four varieties. This must have made for interesting conversation once the thief returned home.

Thief: "Alright, everbuddy, I went and picked up yer deodorant. Now maybe you kin stop stinkin' so much. Billy Bob, I got yer Old Spice stick right cheer and I is sure it will make you all muscly like the feller on them commercials. Daisy May, my sweet little flower, now you kin stop smellin' like them pigs. I got ya Dove 'cause I know how you likes to eat them little critters. An' Ma, I got that there Right Guard fer ya, since yer built like a guard. The rest of ya's kin just fight over what's left."

Okay, I know what you're saying "But Monkey Man, the thief is from Georgia and you have him talking like some Kentucky Hillbilly." Yes, that's right I do. I guess it's just easier for me to type "Jethro" than "Nascar". So tough knobs if you don't like it.

Oh, one more thing - This was the second deodorant theft in a week!?! Do you think they might be related? Or was there just a bit of a warm spell in that area over the past couple of weeks that had folks sweating up a storm?

At any rate, can't you just see the puzzled looks on the security guys as they watched this doofus jam deodorant into his pockets, glanced over at each other and said "What the Hell?"

Rounded Corners Do Not Make A Square

Fitted sheet,
Oh, fitted sheet
On how to fold you
I admit defeat.
I tuck and turn until I am blue
but I just cannot make a rectangle of you.

Why can’t you be like your king size cousin,
the perfect shape I can fold by the dozen.

Fitted sheet,
Oh fitted sheet.
Around my mattress you are so snug.
But when it comes to folding you
I feel I am on a drug.

Your corners they are so misnamed
and it is on them
the horrible folding is blamed.

In the closet I will put you away,
a wadded mess is how you will stay.
__________________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

__________________________________

Inspiration can come in the oddest forms. In this case, it is the obvious frustration that overcame me as I was folding laundry. Yes, I do domestic chores. I like things tidy, even in a closet. So every time it comes to folding fitted sheets I wrestle and pull and tug and fold and scream - which scares the dog - then stuff the wad into the linen closet. Should I farm this out? Can they be folded.....properly? Am I doomed to fitted sheet frustration forever?

Life is full of questions. I hope all of yours are answered.

Fly Agaric - Sunday 160

Intense rain seeping deeply into soil,

feeding creatures long left dormant.

Rising larger than life

from the spongy earth,

giving way to beauty unseen for ages.
____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

Tribute to Galen - 55

Ever so meticulous in his work,

his mind focused on the tiniest details.

Working sinew, bone and flesh

until he knew all of mankind

would benefit from his loving labors.

An original.

The leader in his field.

Neither gaping sword wound

nor lion claw laceration

could deter him from his duties.

Galen: Father of Anatomy.

_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - He'd Stand Out In a Crowd

This week's What the Hell Wednesday offers up an excerpt from the Boston Globe making fun of a report from Harvard University. I guess when you are consistently referred to as one of the most prestigious universities in the United States, you may be scrutinized. So check this out.

Harvard puts out warning after robbery - Ooops!

Harvard University officials are warning students, faculty, and staff to be vigilant and take precautions, after an armed robbery early Thursday in historic Harvard Yard.

A male unaffiliated with the university was robbed at gunpoint by an unknown male as he walked through the yard near Thayer Hall, a freshman dormitory, about 2:45 a.m. Thursday, an advisory posted on the university police department’s website said.

The robber was described as a Hispanic man in his 20s, 55 feet 9 inches tall with a thin build, facial hair, and dark clothing, including a black baseball hat.

Well now. This fella shouldn't be too hard to find. Perhaps he is the long lost son of the 50' Woman. For those of you born after 1958, and there are many of you, check out this trailer.



If nothing else, you would think the guy wouldn't have to stoop (groan) to petty thievery and would be a sure thing on the Harvard basketball team. Assuming he could fit inside the gym.

Of course, there is always the chance the description was in error. But this is Harvard! They are too smart to make mistakes....riiiight!?! In any case, if it were a typo, I am sure they will have no trouble identifying the suspect - Hispanic, 5'9", facial hair...very unusual look for someone of Hispanic descent.

Regardless, if you ran into this guy near Thayer Hall on the Harvard campus, you would look up and up and up and say "What the Hell?"

Winter Warnings - A One Shot

A soft focus enveloped the city
with the illusion of a gel covered lens.
A smoky shroud obscured structures,
leaving the tallest of lights hanging
as misty glowing orbs in the sky.
The cold steam released a shiver
to penetrate
even the most heavily bundled.
It was at once
a beautiful mystery to behold
and an ominous warning
of harsher days ahead.
While the distorted radiance
of a rainbow of lights
cast no shadow,
it was still an announcement
of winter’s looming imminence.
_______________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

Spinning Sunday 160

The world was spinning out of control.
Nausea was overwhelming.
How could it have come to this?
I’ll never let my children
talk me into tilt-a-whirl ride again.
____________________

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

My Muse Blew a Fuse - 55

Looking for inspiration

in even the most mundane activities,

he was stumped.

A leaf holding for dear life

in spite of the wind twisting it from its branch.

Silver streaks of rain rat-a-tatting on a window,

obscuring the gray monotony beyond the glass.

For want of a 55 he strained his mind and got nothin'.
______________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.
For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - Myspace now has bars

Have you ever run into one of those stories that makes you feel good about yourself. You know, the kind that let's you say "At least I'm not THAT bad off." Well, this is one of them. Seems a young lad in Florida has to have his Myspace access not matter where he is. Makes my blog addiction seem mild.

Teen Burglar's Myspace Gave Him Away

A Florida teen was arrested Sunday evening after deputies found a computer logged onto his Myspace account in a home that had been burglarized, according to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office.

The Sheriff's Office says a caretaker for the home on Sugarloaf Key reported the burglary. Preparing to remove hurricane shutters from a door, the caretaker saw someone sitting on the living room couch.

Deputies arriving at the house found no one inside, but they did find a back window open, empty soda and food containers, and some marijuana on a coffee table. The deputies also found a bedroom computer turned on and logged into the Myspace account of Robert Rupp, 18, of Big Coppitt Key, the Sheriff's Office said.

Rupp was found a short time later walking around the neighborhood with two screwdrivers in his pockets. Rupp told a deputy he had been in the house because it was cold outside, authorities said.

Rupp was charged with burglary, possession of burglary tools and theft.

How low can you go? Breaking into a home that was boarded up to protect it from a hurricane and living the high life literally like no one was ever going to come back. But back to my original reason for picking this story for my WTHW - Granted, I spend time reading and writing blogs. To the point that Mrs. MM says I should get a life. Just because she has one, doesn't mean that I should be forced to get one too.

This is where I can say "See! At least I don't break into houses to use their computers because I can't be away from Blogger for more than a few hours at a time. There are people out there with much worse problems.....really!" I know, she won't go for it, but it's worth a try don't you think? Okay, now I'm just trying to convince myself. So back to young Mr. Rupp.

I just love how he figures he's got a few days or so to make himself at home. Smoke a little weed. Eat some free food. Make use of free internet. Life was looking pretty good. Then....Creak....Thud....Bang....plywood comes off the covered windows and it's back to looking for another place to "get out of the cold". Cold!?! In Florida? What does that mean....65 degrees?

Jeez, fella, put on a pair of long pants and suck it up. Go to the library. Log on to Myspace and stay our of jail. Than again, there is no free food or smoking in the library. What a dope. He left the computer on to his Myspace page AND he forgot his pot. Bet he didn't even leave a thank you note.

One thing is certain. As police showed up and young Robert Rupp jumped out the back window, he was thinking to himself "What the Hell?"

One Shot - Starting Over

The cold penetrated his skin
with the shocking chill
of immersion in ice water.
Eyes squinting
to keep light
from making a new day reality,
he stumbled across the room
and brushed back
the heavy fabric curtains.
Through the cloud of dust
that exploded between him
and the window
he could see
only an oppressive gray sky
crashing with the weight of depression
down upon the world.
Shivering in disbelief,
he shuffled back toward the warm
inviting blankets of his bed
and thrust himself back in his cocoon
hoping if he tried again later
his world would change.
________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.