Just Because...

I have made a few observations that I want to share. They all begin with....
Just because....
...you own an expensive car doesn't mean you know how to drive.
...your hair and nails are perfect doesn't mean you look skinny.
...your dog will fit in a purse doesn't mean it can't walk.
...your signal works doesn't mean you should leave it on for 10 miles.
...you are alone in your car doesn't mean people can't see you pick your nose.
...you own a cell phone doesn't mean everyone wants to hear your conversation.
...you have a bluetooth ear piece doesn't mean you look any less crazy talking to yourself.
...your children can run free in a restaurant doesn't mean they should.
...your S2000 may look like a sports car it's still a Honda.
...your daddy was president and you went to an Ivy League school doesn't mean you have a brain in your head.
...you know the words to a song doesn't mean you can carry a tune.
...you can play softball at 40 doesn't mean you are an athlete.
...you have your turn signal on doesn't mean you can merge into my lane without looking.

I was going to add "Just because you can make a list doesn't mean you can write." but I would have been dissing myself and a number of very entertaining blogs I keep up on. I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you will add a few of your own.....just because.

Breathtaking 160

He held his breath and stayed silent.
His heart felt like it was beating as
loud as a drum. Footsteps drew closer.
Playing hide and seek was quite exhilarating.

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This is a Sunday 160.
Take the Challenge if you dare.

Fifty Five???

As nearly sixty people each week (or is that 55 on average) offer up their creative thoughts in fifty five words, I wonder to myself, “Is anyone really counting the words on every submission?” First, who would be so obsessed? Second, is everyone that honest? Who would really know if this is fifty four or

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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.

If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man. The challenge is on.

Or Try my Sunday 160.

Is this offensive??

Last Friday I showed up at work wearing a short sleeved, black button front shirt with the Playboy bunny logo over the right pocket and the words "Talent Scout" over the left pocket. Fun shirt that gets great reaction.

Unfortunately, one of the reactions I got was being asked to go home and change my shirt because it was inappropriate and would send the wrong message to people about our company. While I am still trying to figure out what that inappropriate message might be, you should know that most of my clientele are young or youthful creatives - graphic designers, hip slick and cool ad execs and very casually dressed buyers who also deal with the designers and "look how cool I am" ad execs. (Okay, maybe I'm being a bit harsh on the ad execs, but I used to be in that role when suit and tie were the dress code of the day. I hope Goodwill is making a bundle off my old suits.)

Now mind you, I'm not so ticked off about being asked to change. After all, there are people out there who would no doubt fly into a sexual frenzy at the mere sight of the Playboy Bunny logo. That surely was Hugh Hefner's intent when creating it back in 1953. No, changing my shirt wasn't the issue. It was the fact that I was brought into someone's office and given the inappropriate attire speech in front of a coworker. What am I a five year old.

"Now, Monkey Man. The other children are getting very excited over the suggestive clothing you are wearing. We are all in agreement it is most harmful to us and we will soon begin effing each other in every possible orifice because we have no self control and are being whipped into distraction by the hypnotic effect of the logo on your shirt." WTF!?!??!! (Okay - I paraphrase).

So being a company man, I took this to human resources and expressed my dissatisfaction at being singled out for my clothing when we have no dress code other than "Don't wear open toed shoes in the plant", "Keep hair and jewelry out of the machinery" and "Don't stand in a bucket of water while operating electrical equipment"....you know....the usual. I especially pointed out being called to the carpet in front of someone else. I just want to make sure we do things by the book around here and that management manages people with respect.

Am I asking too much?

Stop That Whining

They whined and bickered

until she could stand it no longer.

"Stop it or I will bitch slap

the three of you," she hollered.

Her husband and kids stood silently.

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This is a Sunday 160.
Take the Challenge if you dare.

Death for their kind

Fog drifted across the casting pond

as the sun drug itself up

over the shoulder of Mt. Hood

painting the sky a fiery pink.

Fall hung in the morning air

so thick it left its sweat

on windows and windshields.

The same wetness it would excrete on leaves

holding the cold morning air

and sucking the blue from their veins.

Leaving them to only hold

the yellow, red and orange hues

that spelled death for their kind.

While beautiful to most,

it was the end of the time

of living beauty for trees.

Now they would stand naked

to the cold for months

awaiting the warmth

and gentle color pallet of Spring.

55 in Fear

It permeated the room.

Curling and twisting

as if it had a mind of its own,

leaving nothing

but destruction in its wake.

Children ran screaming.

Adults cringed in fear

as nausea overtook them.

Alone, I stood before the beast.

“Please,” I pleaded.

“Stop feeding the dog table scraps.

You know it makes him fart.”

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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.

If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man. The challenge is on.

Or Try my Sunday 160.

Radiation Man Part II

Back in early September I had a PET/CT scan and wrote about the whole episode. Included was reference to the follow up meeting with Dr. Oncology to review the results of the scan. Well, that meeting was Wednesday and it went as I would have expected.

Upon arriving, Nurse Sue, who is just about the most wonderful person in the world, had me step up on the scale (weight within two pounds of a year ago) then took my pulse (68 bpm) followed by blood pressure reading. I always like to guess my blood pressure and since I was five minutes late to the appointment, I figured it would be a bit high for me at maybe 132 over 86, but Sue must have a calming effect because it was 110 over 72. Not bad for a stress driven guy like me. Anyway, a great start - vitals good.

We (Mrs. Monkey Man was with me, which was most probably the real reason for the calm) were hustled off to Room number one to wait for Dr. Oncology. While there we confirmed with Nurse Sue the list of meds I take on a daily basis - a statin for cholesterol, a multi vitamin and fish oil - I am so boring.

That done, we continue waiting for Dr. Oncology. While we wait I ponder what I wrote about him and his fondness for bare breasted Brazilian women in thongs. I really should have portrayed him in a better light. So when Dr. Oncology walks in, I ask him where he would like to go on vacation any place in the world and money were no object.

His first question to me is "With kids or without." Smart man. Guess that's why he's a doctor.

"Without." I say.

To which he replies, "How long a vacation." he takes his conversations seriously.

"Two weeks," is the answer.

"My brother in law recently went to Bali and enjoyed it. Even though it takes forever to fly there. Is this an exploring vacation or a relaxing vacation." he asks.

I'm thinking, does this guy know how to relax....all these questions and it's so rhetorical. "Whatever you want," is my response.

He decides he would like to go to Australia and Bali to explore and perhaps mix in a bit of relaxation. So my apologies to Doc O for giving everyone the idea he was some kind of letch. He is apparently a loving husband and hard working father.

That cleared up we get to the point. The technicians who analyze PET/CT scans noticed one area that seemed somewhat in question but not so much that they even wanted to take another look.

Translated into my speak -No sign of any new cancer. This makes Mrs. Monkey Man very happy. Maybe tonight she will sleep.

When are words not words?

For several days now I have been saving the words from the Word Verifications sometimes required to post a comment. I was saving because I had this brilliant idea that I would give some of the more interesting of the words definitions. Oh, how original, I thought, then while reading "I won't be doing THAT again" by Greeneyed Momster I followed a comment by one of her followers to Unknown Mami and on her September 10 post titled "Fragmented Fridays" there it was - MY IDEA. It may have only been one word, but it was the same idea.

Deflated, I was on the edge of throwing away the sheet with those dozens of word verifications I had written down. Okay, it was only 31, but it represented such hard work and all those tedious hours reading and commenting on blogs in order get a decent amount of verifications, I just couldn't throw them out. So with all due respect to Unknown Mami, I proceed.

There won't be 31 definitions - I am just not that bright and creative and most of the words just sucked. But there should be enough to keep us entertained and perhaps to generate a bit of creativity on the part of my fellow bloggers. You are a very creative bunch.

Here are a few definitions for your perusal:

• Untat - Removal of unwanted ink, preferably by laser.


• Swayss - A relatively long distance from one point to the next. "It swayss from here."


• Entab - Placement of dividers between section of a written document.


• Sconing - The search for just the right breakfast biscuit.


• Fezotypt - How the logo and official ranking information is placed on a Shriners hat.


• Hydrads - Advertising at the bottom of swimming pools.


• Bloefysh - The face a fat guy makes when he puts his lips on glass and blows air.


• Boelestro - A bowl of chocolate to keep the PMS at bay (special thanks for Mrs. Monkey Man)


• Phyri - When certain redhead, to whom I am married, gets naughty.


• Mendin - The sounds coming from a bar on any given Sunday afternoon during football season.


• Subso - When you aren't even feeling so-so.


• Subpr - Public relations done poorly. Most likely from the back of a van.


• Breangl - An angel made out of cheese.


• Pitud - Description of the confidence you feel when you find out what the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter equals.


• Capsy - The unbalanced feeling one gets when wearing too many hats.


• Atesstr - A teacher too lazy to teach but constantly hands out quizzes. Or when your child pushes your buttons.


• Hotkir - The newest and most sought after white wine.


• Hopha - The rebranding of an old line union boss' family name.

So that about wraps it up. Others on the "I almost gave a definition to that" list are sking, ityrounz, ratmet, capha and rargs. But I am running out of energy and Mrs. Monkey Man deserves what energy I have left.

Just as Unknown Mami did in her blog, test yourself to write a definition. Use one of my unused, rewrite one I wrote or come up with your own new Word Verification Word. Come on in, the water's fine. It's bingis.

The Mountain

A mountain loomed before them.

At first its mere presence made them

and their task seem insignificant.

Undeterred, they stayed on task.

The kiss was passionate.

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This is a Sunday 160.
Take the Challenge if you dare.