A New Life Part IV - in 55

Days seemed like weeks.
Hours like days.
Minutes immeasurable.
The cold metal truck bed
had rattled her bones
so she thought she might never again
feel the steadiness of earth.
Yet she smiled
as she breathed in air
so sweet
it felt like heaven entering her lungs.
Eyes closed,
she willed the truck to stop.
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Here are Parts I, II, and III if you wish to play a little catch up.
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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.
If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man.
The challenge is on.
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Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.
Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160
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What the Hell Wednesday - Speed Drying?

It was another week of tough decisions - "Man walks around naked to reduce stress" (Nope. Did naked man last week); "RCMP drinking before reporting to his post at a road block to catch drunk drivers" (No one would ever believe I didn't make that one up...but he was a Canadian!?!!); "Burglar falling through a ceiling into the arms of the cops" (Sounds like a tv sitcom - bo-ring); "Couple catches on fire while syphoning gas from a Salvation Army truck" (Karma strikes so copyrights will keep me from reprinting this); or the couple who broke into a home, then told police the did so in order to have a place to "make out" (Hmmmm, too late to the party and I'm trying to keep this blog closer to the PG side of the world....for now)

So the winner is the idiot who is caught driving like a wild man and must have had an app for lame speeding excuses. Here you are -

Alleged speeder claims trying to dry car

NAPERVILLE, Ill., (UPI) -- Police in Illinois said a man pulled over for speeding told an officer he was trying to dry off his car after getting it washed.

Naperville police said Lucas Wright, 24, was pulled over at about 7 p.m. Wednesday after an officer clocked him driving about 100 mph in a 50 mph zone, the Naperville Sun reported.

Police Sgt. Lee Martin said Wright offered an excuse for his speeding that no one in the department heard before.

"He said he'd just gotten his car washed and he was trying to dry it off," Martin said.

Wright was charged with a misdemeanor count of speeding 40 mph or more over the posted limit. Martin said the car, which was still wet from its recent washing, was towed and temporarily impounded.

Maybe he should have just stuck his head out the window and said he was also trying to dry his hair. What a dufus. The sad part about this story is that Lucas Wright probably was trying to dry off his car. I mean it takes brains to make up a story about why you are speeding, but this guy....I'm not so sure.

Can you just picture Lucas looking at his car after going through the car wash and saying, "Damn! It's still wet even after them air thingies blew all over it. Well, guess I'll just have to drive real fast to get the rest of that there water offa my car." Did you ever notice that all these guys seem to talk the same way? Wonder what that is all about?

Welllll...as we have all figured out, waiting for him down the road were the police who, as Lucas sped by at 100 miles per hour, said "What the Hell?" and the chase was on.

One Shot - Tracks

Stop.

Turn around and look back.
Whose tracks are those and where have they led?
Was there purpose?
Was it leaping blindly from one opportunity to the next?
Did the tracks circle aimlessly
or sink deep clinging desperately to a single spot?
Were tracks leading forward then back?
Did knees hit the ground in surrender or prayer?
Will the tracks of the past give direction for the future?
Look back to learn the wisdom of the tracks.
Let it lead forward.
Let it meander with joy.
The end is never known.
Love and cherish the tracks along the way.

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Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

TMI Sunday 160

“Dad, why are trees dying?”

“Well, son, trees go into a hibernation mode
and chlorophyll begins to fade
leaving carotenoids as the primary pigments..."

“Huh?”
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For the original Sunday 160 post click here.

If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
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A New Life Part III - 55

Staring in amazement

at rugged basalt cliffs
running along the course
of the mighty Columbia River,
she watched scrub juniper
and rolling fields
slowly transform
into oak and pine
that reached to the sky.
Snow covered mountains
rose in the distance
inciting awe and excitement she had never before felt.
Was this her new home?
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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.
If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man.
The challenge is on.
____________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.
Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160
____________________________

What the Hell Wednesday - Aaaa! You're Naked!

This Wednesday we travel across the pond to find our best option for thieving humor. Mind you, I have a wide variety of stories to pick from, but when I saw the headline below, I said to myself, "Read no more. We have a winner." I think you will agree.
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Naked UK Car Owner Thwarts Stunned Thief

A Car thief ran off when the owner of the vehicle he was about to steal got into the car naked.

Russell Stuart, 51, was awakened when he heard his Peugeot being revved up on his driveway in the early hours, UK's The Daily Telegraph reported.

Mr. Stuart ran outside, opened the passenger door and sat beside the thief - not realizing he had forgotten to get dressed.

As soon as the thief saw Stuart, he flung the door open and made a run for it. “I just got out of bed and ran to my car, opened the passenger door and sat down,” said Mr Stuart, of Kent, southeastern England.

“I said to him, 'all right mate, where are we going then?' And he jumped out of the car and legged it. I don’t know what the guy must have thought when a large naked bloke got into the car next to him, but when your car is being stolen you don’t think about it, you just react.”

Mr Stuart drove around the town looking for the thief but, still naked, gave up after a while in case he got pulled over for indecent exposure.
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I thought the visuals created in last week's WTH were pretty darn good, but this one....don't know if I should just keep laughing or take time out to remove my brain and wash out the images.

That being said, here are a few little details that come to mind. What is a self respecting Brit doing driving a Peugeot? Shouldn't this have been an Austin Martin, Austin Healy (he drools), MG or even a Jaguar? Oh, that's right Jags aren't made in the UK anymore....well, an old one then. You know the kind that always has the hood up in the garage or is "in the shop", yah, that Jag.

So the guy disappointingly drives a Peugeot. Then something is either dreadfully wrong with the thief or the story Mr. Stuart is telling. Let's assume the thief is really stupid enough to want to steal a Peugeot and Mr. Stuart called the police after the fact to report the bare facts of this 'near' theft. That would be the only explanation for this story leaking to the press - police reports and all being public.

But why did he have to be so frickin' honest. Now I have this picture in my mind of some naked dude, all pasty white and fleshy sitting in the passenger seat of a car asking the genius thief, "Where are we going, mate?" Ballsy. Followed by the wide eyed thief jumping out the driver's side door and sprinting away from an image he will forever have burned in his brain. Mr. Stuart must have looked pretty awful naked to make the thief run for his life. He even describes himself as "a large naked bloke" - what, personal ads not good enough for this guy, so you go to the police to make a report and get more coverage? Apparently, he needed a lot of coverage.

There is not a doubt in my mind the thief was saying to himself as he looked at the naked Mr. Stuart, "What the bloody Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Don't Shoot!

The derringer fit perfectly

in her tiny hand.

She gripped it with a fury

as her temper seethed.

She ran screaming

and fired at her drunken rogue of a husband.
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For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules.
The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
_______________________

A story told to me by my mother of a confrontation between her five foot tall mother and six foot five father. My grandfather was an enormous, carousing drunk of a man who worked the oil fields of Borger, Texas in the early 1930's. He came stumbling home to the family's one room shanty a bit too late and a bit too drunk one night, angering my grandmother. She was in her early twenties and took off after my grandfather screaming and firing the two shots she had in her little derringer. Fortunately for my grandfather the little gun only had enough fire power to shoot a few sputtering yards. I am so glad my mother saw humor in life and didn't hide skeletons in the closet to be forgotten by the ticking clock of time.

A New Life Part II - in 55

The cold bed of the truck

gave way to the early warmth of a Spring day.

The family bumped and bruised

out of the freezing mountain air

and dropped down

a long road next to the widest,

most beautiful river

she had ever seen.

Although it seemed near its end,

her journey was just beginning.
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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55.
If you want to know what the hell that means visit g-man.
The challenge is on.
____________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.
Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160
____________________________

This is part two in a series about my mother's travels by truck from Wyoming to Oregon. It is set in the early 1940's as her family seeks escape from the depression to find work in the Pacific Northwest.

What the Hell Wednesday - I saw it first!

Times are tough right now and everyone wants a bargain. According to this excerpt from the Modesto Bee, some are downright ornery about getting what they want. Check out the gentlemanly interaction of these two bargain hunters.

Yard sale shopper clobbers another
with a cornbread pan in Sonora

Yard sale etiquette apparently went out the window Friday in Sonora after a 70-year-old man hit another man over the head with a cornbread pan while the two were trying to get access to the sale items.

Jon Joslin, 70, was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. The victim, Joseph Brown, 64, suffered a head laceration but refused medical treatment at the scene, according to Sgt. Jeff Wilson, spokesman for the Tuolumne County Sheriff’s Department.

According to Wilson, Joslin arrived early at the yard sale and was told he would not be allowed to buy anything until 8 a.m. because that was the advertised start time.

Brown arrived a little later, at 7:45 a.m., and apparently the two talked about how other yard sales operated differently, Wilson said.

At about 8 a.m., the two walked up a long driveway to the sale, with Brown walking ahead of Joslin.

Wilson said Joslin didn’t like this, and tried tripping Brown. Not knowing what was going on, Brown continued, and Joslin tried tripping Brown again, Wilson said.

Now aware of what was happening, Brown told Joslin to stop and an argument ensued. Brown pushed Joslin, and Joslin — who had the five-pound, cast-iron pan in his hand — hit Brown over the head with it, Wilson said.

Deputies arrived, and took Joslin into custody, Wilson said.

First of all, I love this writer and would love to give him or her full credit, but there was no byline. So, Thank you, whoever you are at the Modesto Bee for your wonderfully written article. I could tell you were biting your tongue and laughing as you wrote this. ("yard sale etiquette apparently went out the window" I love that line - very deadpan - pardon the pun.)

I just pictured these two yahoos hobbling up a long rutted, gravel drive to tables full of crap that no one really wants, but these two had to get. One guy kicking away at the feet of the fellow in front of him in order to get first take.....of what??? If you have been to a garage or yard sale you know what I mean. What is there to fight over? The cast iron cornbread pan? Happy Meal toys? A broken chair? A VCR?

But what really gets me is, Jon and Joe are all buddy-buddy when it comes to bitching about the people in charge of the yard sale for being strict on the start time. Then when the clock strikes eight it's every man for himself. These idiots are those annoying people who start knocking on your door an hour before the sale so they can have first go at anything of "value". If you've had a yard or garage sale, you know the type - parked out in front of you home, peering out of their car, drinking steaming cups of coffee, glancing anxiously at their watches and looking for the first sign of movement in your house.

Personally, I think they both got what the deserved. But I am quite sure when the pan hit Joe Brown's head he immediately thought to himself "What the Hell?"

Signs of Fall - One Shot

In a sea of green,

the vine maple cried

in streams of yellow and brown,

tarnishing lush surroundings.

Heat curled leaves

while the confusion

of an impending Fall

drained life from its extremities.

As all around the maple

bowed and curtsied breezily

in awe of this soothsayer,

the tree stood shuddering

at thought of another

cold,

hard,

naked

winter.
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Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.