55 - St. Patrick's Meh!

Saint Patrick’s Day? 

He could care less. 

Wearing no green, 

he feared no pinch. 

Green beer was of no interest. 

March 17 would come and go 

just like any other day. 

His thoughts on this day 

would be much more focused 

and moment to moment. 

Eat. 

Sleep. 

Take a walk. 

Poop. 

It's a dog’s life.

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.

___________________________

Want yet another micro fiction challenge?

Write a Sunday 160.

Try It! 

If you have the courage.

Like a text message,
the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment on your blog.

I admit I'm lazy on Sunday mornings, so please be patient.

What The Hell Wednesday - Monkey Pillows

How could I resist this story? It has a monkey in it! Nuff said.

Woman goes to court with tiny monkey in bra

AMHERST, Va. - A woman turned a few heads when she walked into a rural Virginia courthouse with a tiny monkey clad in a pink-and-white dress tucked in her bra.

The woman brought the palm-sized marmoset to Amherst County Courthouse on Thursday for a hearing in Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. Officials apparently didn't notice the monkey until the woman went to an office to complete some paperwork.

The woman said the seven week old marmoset was purchased on line and required constant attention.

The monkey's clothing, however, was specially made.

THIS is exactly why people shouldn't be allowed to buy exotic pets....they try to use their cuteness as an advantage in court. So this woman is in the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. Perhaps her story in court was so shaky that she had to have some sort of distraction away from what she was saying. A bit of court obfuscation perhaps.

Ms. Monkey Bra - " So you see, your honor, I did not purposely hit my husband with that frying pan, I was simply flipping a pancake and the pan slipped out of my hands and hit my husband in the head.....thirteen times."

What 'You Honor' heard - "So you see, you honor, blah, blah, blah, (is that a monkey in her bra?) blah, blah, blah, thirteen times."

Then again, maybe Ms. Monkey Bra is very proud of her boobs and just wants to draw attention to them, so she parades around with a marmoset sticking out of her cleavage. Regardless, I am sure Your Honor took one initial look at those cute little monkey eyes and that pink dress and said "What the Hell?"

One Shot - In Memorium - Parade of Love

One year ago today, my Mother passed away after a lingering battle with congenital heart disease. As a tribute to her in the days leading up to her last breath, I wrote the following and posted it the day of her death.

In memory of her, I am re-posting today and sharing with the followers of One Shot Wednesday who have been supportive of my writing. Many thanks to you all.

Parade of Love

A parade of love marched by the sole reclining spectator,
stopping to play music of love and memories.
Only soft groans allowed the parade to know
how appreciated was each and every member
of the march of adoration.
All wanted her breathing in the life they had to give.
All wanted her to rise up and march in the parade
To lead them as she had done for her entire life.
To play with them.
To laugh at their occasional off key performances.
To make palpable the love always given so freely.
To smile and cry with them.
To make each and every one of them feel special and unique.
This was her talent.
This was the ingredient the parade sought
to find to fill the void left by its leader of levity and mirth and love.
The parade wanted what it could no longer have.
Knowing it needed to move on.
Knowing it needed to allow the reclining figure peace.
Knowing it needed to let go.
As the last marcher passed to touch,
to talk,
to say good bye,
the last note was played.

Peggy Lou Fix
August 10, 1930 - March 15, 2010

We love you, Mom.

Sunday 160 - Time Confusion

As his eyes opened, 

he found himself dazed and confused. 

His mind in a thick fog, 

he began searching. 

He knew the hour he lost 

had to be around there somewhere.

_________________________

If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

Stained - 55

He watched as the red spot on his chest 

spread and darkened on his stark white shirt. 

He had felt nothing. 

Heard no warning. 

Disbelief overcame shock. 

“Why?” he asked himself. 

Why had he worn a freshly laundered white shirt 

when he knew he would be up to his elbows 

in a condiment filled burger?

_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.

___________________________

Want yet another micro fiction challenge?

Write a Sunday 160.

Try It! 

If you have the courage.

Like a text message,
the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.

I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

What The Hell Wednesday - This Buds for ME!! If I wake up.

This week's gem is brought to you by yet another drunk. I am so glad there are people out there with drug and alcohol problems because without them What The Hell Wednesday wouldn't exist. Check out this story about a man, a car and his beer.

Man Found Asleep in Car, Clutching Bud

LORAIN, OH — A 51-year-old Lorain man was cited for physical control of a vehicle, failure to reinstate and open container after police found him slumped over in his vehicle holding a bottle of Bud Light, according to a Lorain police report.

Police found Jack Tucker at 3:49 a.m. Friday in a parked, but running, vehicle. Tucker was unresponsive and holding a full, open Bud Light bottle in his lap. He was breathing and snoring and did not wake up when police shook him and yelled at him, according to the report.

Ambulance workers later arrived and used smelling salts to wake Tucker. Tucker was taken to Mercy Regional Medical Center, but because of a health condition, was served with a summons and released from the hospital. 

At least the Bud he was clutching was a bottle.

You know what I love about this story? Well, of course you don't because you're not me. I love that the police have adopted an entire new language. "Physical control of a vehicle." While sleeping?? I guess he had to physically turn the key to make it run before passing out. And "Failure to reinstate." What a fancy way to say he was so effing drunk that a freight train couldn't wake him. THEN they call in an ambulance to administer smelling salts!?! That's right, an ambulance. Making this one expensive delivery service. "Who ordered smelling salts? You wanna supersize that?"

Why can't we just go back to the days when the police would take the open container of Bud, pour it on Jack's head to wake him up and push him out onto his front lawn give him a ride home. Better yet, why didn't they just quietly reach in, turn off the car and take his keys. Maybe even leave a note -

"Hi fella. Just want you do know that we have your keys. Come get them after your nap."

Sincerely, 

Lorain Police

I know. Today we have these things called attorneys and everyone is so afraid of being sued that no one does the logical thing any more. Let alone has a sense of humor about it. Wouldn't want to offend anyone. Oh no! Just like I am sure I am not offending anyone here. If I am.....to bad. It's my blog and I'll write what I want. Neener.

Just the same, I am sure the Lorain police, tired of yelling at this drunk and shaking him, just went back to their cruiser to call in the Ambulance and said "What the Hell."

Sunday 160 - Alone at the end

Machines whirred and beeped

as fluids dripped into his body.

Groggy and alone

with no one to advocate on his behalf,

he was a very frightened 79-year-old child.

_____________________

If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

Dare I? - 55

With his mouse gliding over a pad 

in a series of furious click, 

he searched his archives 

for just the right file. 

It was a tricky assignment, 

but he knew he was up to the task. 

The only question that kept on repeating in his mind was – 

“Was it plagiarism to recycle his own 55?” 

____________________________ 

No! This is not a recycled 55 

yanked from my archives 

because of lack of creativity. 

I do well enough on that front 

without reaching for some used bit of copy.

But I have to be honest. 

The thought crossed my mind. 

However, since I didn't act on it.
Well, that makes this fiction.
____

Just trying to follow the rules, G.

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.

___________________________

If you want yet another challenge

write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message,
the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

___________________

I promise I will read your 160 and post a comment.

I will admit I'm lazy Sunday mornings lazy, so please be patient

What The Hell Wednesday - Tater Tussle

Each and every one of us has had an argument or two with a loved one, but never, ever, ever have I heard of an argument like the one below escalating  into a situation involving police. Come on people. How about some basic conflict management here?

Spud Spat Spurs Mother-Daughter Skirmish

Port Clinton, OH - Sheriff's deputies went to the mother's West Harbor Road home Thursday morning, where a woman said she and her daughter got into a fight over cooking a potato for a family member, a deputy's report said.

The woman said her daughter spit in her face and punched her in the arm, and she suffered two "superficial" scratch marks that emergency crews treated at the scene.

The daughter told deputies her mother threatened her with a 9-inch scrub brush, so she had no choice but to grab her mom's arm to avoid being struck. A male relative in the home confirmed the mother "held the brush in a threatening manner," the report said.

The man told deputies the women kept arguing after the fight, so he went to bed. Deputies chose not to charge either woman.

Soooo, this happened in the morning, did it? Then why was this a fight about a potato and not an egg? Oh!?! You say it was like morning as in just after midnight morning? I am sure they were both quite sober. Then again, if you are trying to snack at that time, couldn't you find something a little easier to cook? Who gets the baked potato munchies anyway.

But back to my original statement. Why did someone bother to call in the police? They didn't even pull hair. It was a battle of well chewed finger nails and a 9-inch scrub brush....or should that be a DEADLY 9-inch scrub brush that witnesses say was being brandished in a "threatening manner". I don't know about you, but that sounds very scary. You've seen the damage a scrub brush can do to left over food....YIKES! Those things could clean you to the bone.

While this story makes for great WTHW fodder, I do believe our American police forces have better things to do with their time and REAL crimes to follow up on. I really would understand if these men in blue just walked away from the entire scene saying nothing more than "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Too Late Warm

Standing alone

gnarled and bent

in the freezing cold.

Wind cutting to the core.

Waiting for Spring’s

healthy green coat

that too late

would warm freezing limbs.

______________________

_____________________

If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________