Tuesday, July 12, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - New Twist on Drunk Driving

Sometimes I have to do quite a bit of research to find just the right story for WTH Wednesday. Other times there are so many good choices it is difficult to pick just one. This was one of those weeks. Do I choose the story of the brother and sister going to jail for fighting over a sandwich? Must have been a really good sandwich. The woman hitting a man in the head with a frying pan after he refused to let her use his razor? Come on, now. what man in his right mind would? Or the story about the dude who posts a video on Facebook showing him careening over garbage cans with his car? Thereby assuming everyone of his "friends" has no common sense just like him.  While these were tempting, I chose this story......

Man Steals Inebriate Service Van

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Anchorage police say a city van used to pick up inebriated people was taken on a joyride by a man suspected of drunken driving.

The Anchorage Daily News reported that 35-year-old Donny H. Weston was arrested after police say he got into a Community Service Patrol van parked with the keys in the engine. Police say social workers were attending inebriated people when Weston got into the van.

Police say Weston drove the van for a significant distance, including driving against traffic, and he eventually crashed the van into a bus and ditched it.

The van is part of a city program that picks up inebriated people and shuttles them to sleeping center.

Police say the inebriated men in the back of the van didn't notice the joyride.

Okay! Someone needs to hit the old thesaurus and find out a substitute word for Inebriated! How about - Bombed, Smashed, Plowed, Sh!*faced, Loaded, Plastered, Sloshed, Stewed, Wasted, Tight - I mean really....there are lots of choices other than "Inebriated". Guess they just like to be politically correct at the Anchorage Daily News. (Notice how I left this wide open for all of you to add your two cents worth....as I am sure you will. Yeah. Go ahead. Get Creative. I know you want to.)

A couple of points stick out for me in this story. First, I guess only in Alaska do they leave the keys in the engine. Cars must be different there. Personally, I leave my keys in the ignition. Who edits this stuff?

Second, the van shuttles the "inebriates" SAY IT!! Drunks! Bums! to a "sleeping center". Again...stop with all the PC crap....it's a drunk tank. They go there, sleep it off and then the local talent tries to get them to go to AA which is a great idea, except....you can't tell a drunk when to stop. They have to figure it out on their own....do it for themselves not because someone wants them to quit. Ooopps. Was I preaching?

So Donny goes joy riding in the drunk van with passed out drunks in the back. What a riot. If only those boys in the back had some semblance of consciousness they might have had some fun. Or crapped their pants...one.

I know for certain that if one of them would have "awakened" when Donny crashed into the bus he most assuredly would have said, "What the Hell?"


steveroni said...

Don't they remove the keys from the Vee-Hicle where you live?

Monkey man, you were stating a fact--not preaching. Two things in life we must do alone: die, and....stop drinking.

Liked this post a lot, 'Man...

Brian Miller said...

hehe...there is some irony in all this you know...smacking my head...

Cloudia said...

looney and alliterative!

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Deborah said...


the walking man said...

So what was the sandwich story about?

Unknown said...

This post has me laughing harder than any other I have read today. Or yesterday for that matter! I was cracking up. LOVED the push for the writer to use another word besides inebriated. Hahaha!! DRUNK BUMS is better!!

Sharon Day said...

It would be more convenient if he stole a cop car since he'd be riding in one in just a while.

Claudya Martinez said...

You can't make this stuff up.

Julie Ferguson said...

It is a good thing he didn't kill anyone. The drunken bum in the back probably thought he was on a Disneyland ride.