What The Hell Wednesday - Stupor Hero

This week we find ourselves back in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where bumper stickers like "Keep Portland Weird" and "Friends Dont' Let Friends Drink Starbucks" proliferate. Self proclaimed independent thinkers all.

Well, it appears the home of Grunge has started a new craze - Superhero Mania. Check out this story as taken from a European news source. 

"Superhero" Guardian of Seattle Breaks Nose - But Won't Stop Fighting Crime

The masked crusader, who likes to call himself the Guardian of Seattle, got into a little local difficulty and had his nose broken while trying to protect his beloved city.

And the incident has prompted police to urge him and other self-styled saviors to hang up their capes before anyone gets seriously hurt.

‘Does Superman get his ass kicked?’ one detective – quite fairly – asked. ‘These people should not be called superheroes.’

Phoenix Jones – who parades around wearing tights, a mask and a skin-tight rubber suit with a bulletproof vest – was hurt while bravely (or stupidly) trying to break up a fight with a man who was armed with a gun.

But he insisted his injury won’t put him off fighting crime.

‘If police aren’t here, criminals feel free to run wild in my city,’ the father of two said. ‘And I’m not going to stand for it.’

Mr. Jones insisted he endangered his life ‘with a reason and a purpose’ and claimed he and other caped crusaders all had a military or martial arts background and knew what they were facing.

His eight other colleagues revel in the monikers Thorn, Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88 and Penelope.

He is often driven around the city by a mystery woman; she doesn’t bother with superhero garb.

Just what we need....another gang. I mean really, that's what this equates to as far as I'm concerned. "Wait! Why so serious, Monkey?," you ask. Okay, you're right I'll lighten up and get back to my usual sarcasm. How else can I get that feeling of superiority?

First, what is the difference between vigilantism and Superhero behavior other than insanity wearing a costume? There are a bunch of these idiots vigilantes losers 'superheroes' running around, not just Mr. Jones....I love that. And did you check out those names??? Does Thunder 88 hit people with his piano? Does Catastrophe wear a mounted feline backside on his head? Get it 'Cat-Ass-Trophy'. Then there's No Name who doesn't include creativity among his not so super powers.

But don't worry about these guys and gals, they have backgrounds in martial arts and the military which makes them impervious to bullets and knives or whatever else real criminals have in their arsenal. Reminds me of the movie Mystery Men or that not so new flick Kick Ass.

The story says that Jones has two kids. Can you imagine the first time Daddy shows up in the living room wearing the costume shown in the photo below? Those kids must have looked at each other and said "What the Hell?" Upon which the Guardian of Seattle promptly washed out their mouths with soap.

Phoenix Jones (L) and No Name (?)

preparing to shoot bad guys with their fully loaded fingers.

Good luck guys.