Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What the Hell Wednesday - Ankle Bracelete? What Ankel Braceler?

After reviewing a few of my past WTH posts, it became abundantly clear that many of them have been located here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. So I feel the need to share the spotlight with the rest of the country. Specifically with my dear friends in Michigan....and you know who you are. Michiganders - this post is to show your area has criminals just as dumb as ours.

Parolee wearing electronic tether
robs Mr. Pizza in Ypsilanti Township, police say

A parolee still wearing a GPS tether was arrested late Wednesday after police say he robbed an Ypsilanti Township pizzeria at gunpoint and fled into a heavily wooded area.

Washtenaw County Sheriff's Sgt. David Archer said a man entered the Mr. Pizza in the 800 block of Ecorse Road at 11:05 p.m. His face was partially concealed, and he ordered the clerk to empty the cash register at gunpoint, Archer said.

Deputy John Cratsenburg was several blocks from Mr. Pizza when the call came in. He noticed a man riding a bicycle matching the description of the robber, a sheriff's summary said. When the man saw Cratsenburg, he got off the bike and ran.

Sgt. Dave Egeler spotted the man in the area and gave chase into the wooded area, where he and other officers were able to take the man into custody, reports said.

Police recovered the handgun and the cash taken in the robbery, Archer said.

The 43-year-old Washtenaw County resident is scheduled to be arraigned Friday on charges of armed robbery and using a firearm to commit a felony.

Police said he is currently on parole and was wearing an electronic tether, but the details of his past conviction were not immediately available.
(G-man: note the Maize & Blue tribute here)

Many thanks to Amilie Nash of for bringing this juicy story to light. Also, thanks so much to the forefathers who named towns and counties in Michigan. I just love the way Ypsilanti rolls off the tongue. I could say it for hours and never get bored. Ypsilanti. Ypsilanti. Ypsilanti. And Washtenaw! There's another beauty.

We have a few of those names here in the Pacific Northwest like Skookumchuk, Wahkiakum and Pollywallydoodle - okay we don't have a Pollywallydoodle, but I love being the source of bad song brain worms. Try getting that one out of your head now.

Alright, back to our criminal. Surely this guy must love prison. Why else would he go robbing pizza parlors while not only on parole, but while wearing an "electronic tether" that has a GPS. Was he not listening when they explained to him what that device was and how they would use it?

Reminds me of that old cartoon of the guy training his dog. In one panel he says "Sit, Ginger, sit. Good girl, Ginger. Good Sit," and in the second panel the dogs hears "Blah, blah, Ginger. Blah, blah, blah Ginger. Blah, blah." I am certain that is exactly what this idiot stick heard at his parole hearing - blah blah blah blah blah. Genius.

Best yet. Just where was he going to hide? He had a GPS attached to him. Maybe if he gnawed off his leg he might have gotten away, but then he would have left a trail of blood. Dogs can follow blood.

One thing is very certain here and that is right after the cops saw his ankle jewelry, they looked at each other and said "What the Hell?"


Matty said...

Thank goodness for stupid criminals. Makes the job easier.

the walking man said...

This one is even stupider Ferndale is a suburb of Detroit where as Ypsilanti (IPSYLANTI) is the home of Eastern Michigan University, a college known for producing teachers.

Brian Miller said...

haha. i have a good friend who minitors bracelet wearers..she has some funny stories...

Nessa said...

This reminded me of the son of friends who robbed the house of another friend - on a night when it snowed. Foot prints right to his door.

Shadow said...

too dumb to realise they shouldn't be criminals. but i suppose the cops need to get their laughs in too...

One Prayer Girl said...

People never cease to amaze me. Things like this always remind me of the title of Art Linkletter's show some time ago - PEOPLE ARE FUNNY!

They are. :)


Deb said...

Those names are priceless! But yeah, how do you hide with a GPS band around you? Lo-jacked' up!

Katie said...

You so funny!

Unknown said...

Dang it! I just left a long comment and somehow lost it. I just was saying that this post cracked me up! Perhaps my favorite part was the town talk! I want to be a professional street namer when I grow up and then pray I get moved up to towns with my next promotion. Down in mah neck udda woods (Texas), we have a town called "Cut-n-shoot". That's right! I said "Cut-n-shoot!"

On another note, thanks for your visits to my silly blog! Your comments are always so appreciated. I look forward to reading what you have to say. I especially liked when you got into character with me, Nadine & Flo. :)

Sandra said...

"Michiganders - this post is to show your area has criminals just as dumb as ours"...although the entire post gave me great pleasure...'cause who doesn't love a story about a dumb convict, I have to give you credit for making equal the criminal playing field by pointing out that some are as dumb as others. Of course in Canada, our criminals are very smart, so smart that a life sentence here means maximum 25 years.

Rosaria Williams said...

Hey, this can start a new blog contest, can your criminals outsmart our criminals?

HulaBuns said...

I'm a former Michigander who went to school in Ypsi (as us locals like to call it). This is hilarious. Although, I'm sure there are plenty more (dumb criminals) where this one came from. :)

joanna said...


I know not what to say to such crazy thinking.... but will leave you with this quote with a gal who shares you initials.

"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?"
— Marilyn Monroe


DaleTheDoll said...

I'm always saying, humans are stupid.

Marla said...

I wonder if he ended up with the grill cheese grandma.