What The Hell Wednesday - One Tough Gator

Heroes of many types have graced these posts from stupid criminals to assorted "just plain idiots" who are continually  out to prove the human race may not have advanced as far as its technology. In today's WTH, I focus the just plain silly from a story in my local Oregonian as written by The Associated Press.

Police Battle Hard Headed Gator

Police responding to a rare alligator sighting in suburban Kansas City, took quick action to dispatch the beast, shooting it in the head, as instructed, while it lurked menacingly in the weeds leading to a pond.

It wasn't until a second rifle shot bounced off the reptile's head that the officers realized the had mortally wounded a concrete lawn ornament.

A resident of a subdivision near the pond called police that evening to report that his children spotted the alligator while they were playing in some nearby woods.

After consulting a conservation agent, who told them to kill the gator if they felt it posed a danger, one of the officers shot it twice in the head before realizing something was up.

"It didn't move," said a police spokesperson. "They inched up closer and closer and discovered is was a mock-up of an alligator made to look very lifelike."

Where do I start? This scene is so Keystone Cops, so Boss Hogg, so Barney Fife get the idea yet? have a covered all the generations? that I just had to share it. But let me start at the beginning. It was a couple of kids trespassing in a neighbor's yard that started all this - Kids! - and dad didn't verify. Dad just called 911 in whiny, panicky, little girlie voice, crying for help. 

So the cops show up and, yes, it was evening, and start sneaking up on the poor unsuspecting "reptile". Weren't they suspicious when the critter didn't skitter away at their approach? Or when it stayed still after the first shot...not writhing in death's throe? So they shoot again! Evil concrete killers.

What I want to know is how these two fine men in blue were able to shoe their faces back at the precinct. Do you think they might have been teased? Just a little? Noooo. Police would never do that to some of there own. Nope. Never.

One thing is certain and that is when the police finally got close enough to see this was no real alligator, the most assuredly said, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Cutting Strings

Parenting to the best of our ability,

we felt we had prepared him well.

Nearly 17 and a man-child,

all we saw was our little boy -

ready to take over the world.

______________

I will admit that I am biased, but that aside, 

one of the most outside the box Sunday 160's I have ever seen 

can be found on Pheromone Girls' blog. yes, it's a real link 

If you don't visit her...you are missing out. 

Really!!

_________________

If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Smoking Seduction

The burning ember glowed a rich orange 

as smoke swirled gracefully and seductively 

from the perfect pout of her ruby red lips. 

 In low light the cloudy effluence was like a spot light. 

Drawn as a moth to a flame, 

he leaned toward her and said, 

“There are laws about smoking in a public building.”

______________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join us for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - 21 and Over Only, Please

I wonder how many more readers I will get because I titled this "21 and Over Only"? Everyone out there looking for some material beyond a 'G' rating will have to check out the following story to get to the bottom of my title.

Thief proves old enough, just not smart enough

Colorado Springs - A thief walked into a corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the register. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber spied a bottle of scotch behind the counter on a shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag with the money. 

The clerk refused and reported saying "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he wanted proof. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and put the bottle of scotch in the bag. 

The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he read from the driver's license. 

They arrested the robber two hours later.

 _________

So for all of you who thought this was going to be some steamy story of sex, well, you should know me better. I may be sick and twisted, but I try not to be over the top raunchy. I leave that to others.

Now, back on topic. I just love how this clerk kept his cool and took this tool for a fool. Me? I would have been so afraid staring down the barrel of that shot gun, that I would have given the thief the money, the bottle and my shirt if he wanted it. "Just don't shoot me!"

But Mr. Cool Clerk...nope...he is either a genius or much more afraid of the authorities that would bust him for giving booze to a minor than he is of the gun. I say he is a Genius. Sizing up this idiot, whose bravado is tied up in a gun, and challenging his age. Genius! Brilliant!

Cool Clerk: "I can't give you that scotch. You're not old enough to drink."

Tool: "Am too."

Cool Clerk: "You're just going to have to prove it then. Show me some i.d."

Tool (rocking back and forth from one foot to the other as he looks over his shoulder): "You is a idiot! Can't you tell by my whisker that I is over 21?" thieves are always illiterate

Cool Clerk (authoritatively): "I.d. please."

The balls it took to go down that path. I bow to you, Cool Clerk, and your creative quick thinking. Although Tool may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer, that was some quick thinking.

As for the arrest. Wouldn't you have love to have seen the expression on the face of Tool as he opened the door to the police and stammered, "What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Remember

We feel them in our hearts. 

Mothers. 

Fathers. 

Sisters. 

Brothers. 

Friends. 

Today we speak their names 

and we remember. 

Peggy. 

Keith. 

Howard. 

Don. 

Jessie. 

Cheryl.

 ______________

If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

Free Falling 55

Scan the earth below 

looking for a proper place to land.

Concrete and open, 

treed and enclosed 

or jagged and rocky.

So many options from this heavenly perch.

How does one make 

what many would think 

is a simple decision?

Jump. 

Float. 

Fly. 

Feel the weightlessness.

Watch the earth near.

Let the wind decide.

Splat.

_________________________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join us for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - A Pointed Argument

When I am upset with service at a restaurant, I generally leave a tip that is appropriate to the level of service or if the food is not so good, I just don't come back. Some people, however, react differently as you can see by the story below.

Woman Draws Sword During Argument at Pizza Hut

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — A Louisville woman faces first-degree disorderly conduct and menacing charges after police said she took out a sword during an argument at a Pizza Hut.

According to an arrest report, Wynika Mason was causing trouble at the Pizza Hut on Seventh Street Road and police were called.

When police arrived, she began yelling at them.

Customers and employees were in the restaurant, and employees said they felt threatened by Mason’s behavior. Police were told Mason had a sword with her and began yelling and pulling it out of the scabbard. Mason’s brother said he took the sword from her and put it in the car.

Officers were given consent to search the vehicle and found the sword on the driver’s seat.

It appears the Wynika has issues with her communication skills. I don't care how bad your pizza is, you just don't go all Samurai in a restaurant....not even Benihana where they approve of great work with sharp objects.

Truth is, I have never had to unsheathe my sword over a bad meal. Bad service??? Well, maybe I
just toyed with the handle a bit to get my point across. But never released from the scabbard. Okay, I exaggerate - I don't even own a sword.

What really puzzles me is why are they letting her into the restaurant with a sword? Wouldn't you either ask her to take it back to her vehicle or immediately call the cops right after she walks in, slams her sword on the counter and orders up a combo with "NO ANCHOVIES, DAMMIT!" Maybe, just maybe we have anger issues here. Hmmmm? I guess I'd be angry, too, if my parents named me Wynika. Always having to pronounce it for people. Always having to spell it. Perhaps that was the issue here. After she ordered her pizza they asked her name and replied, "Could you spell that for me?" after she gave it to them. Then she went ballistic. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Fortunately, her brother was there to separate her from the sword so nobody got hurt. Poor guy having to follow his sister around to keep her out of trouble. What a life.

One thing is certain, when Wynika pulled out her sword and began threatening people with it, a chorus of voices from every patron in the store sang out"What the Hell?"

Sunday 160 - Never Good-bye

Do we ever really say good-bye?

Emptying our mind of thoughts,

memories and emotion?

We miss the talk, the touch

and the person

but we never truly say good-bye.

__________________________

 

If you wish to take the Sunday 160 challenge, here are the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses EXACTLY 160 characters (including spaces).

2. Keep on schedule - post after 8:00 PM Pacific Time on Saturday.

3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.

(Be sure to mention you have posted a 160. Provide a link if you can)

4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160 writer.

____________________

55 - Is Spring Here?

Fog embraced the tree-covered hills 

and crept to the flat of land. 

Relentlessly choking color 

with its monotonous gray. 

Stealing depth 

and obscuring images 

from even the best of sight, 

its cold dampness chilled the core 

yet left life-giving moisture for shrouded 

no longer greenery. 

With winter like presence, 

Spring was suffering an identity crisis. 

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This was the 55 I scheduled to post for last week.
Written on a day that was not very spring-like.
Apparently the Gods are Monkey Man readers
and chose to make me eat my words because since
last Friday, we have had wonderful Spring weather
in beautiful Portland, Oregon. Glad they have a sense of humor.
____

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
_____________________________________________________

If you think Micro Fictions are fun. 

Come join us for a Sunday 160.

A challenge using exactly 160 characters

in a story, poem or writing of your choice.

What The Hell Wednesday - Curb Your Dog

As a dog lover, I am easily drawn into a story involving one of our canine buddies. However, after reading the story below, I am not so certain there was a REAL dog involved or if this was simply the kid who used the old "The dog ate my homework" excuse at school and took it to court.

Chihuahua Gets Blame For NY Bomb Scare

CENTRAL ISLIP, N.Y.  - A dog that wasn't quite housebroken may have indirectly been responsible for a bomb scare at a New York courthouse.

The trouble began Friday when 19-year-old Melvin Ruffin arrived at a court complex in Central Islip following a long bus ride from his home in Bellport. According to Ruffin, during the trip another passenger's Chihuahua urinated on his backpack. So, he stashed the wet bag in some bushes while he went inside to answer a disorderly conduct citation.

While Ruffin was in court, a retired police officer saw the bag and alerted security. Ultimately, the bomb squad was called in. Officers used a robot to determine that the bag didn't contain anything harmful.

Ruffin was let off with a warning to be more careful next time about where he left his stuff.

Is this a happy ending??? I guess it is, except young Melvin didn't get a bill for setting off the security emergency. He clearly had experience in this matter....after all he was at the courthouse on a disorderly conduct citation. Isn't hiding a dog urine soaked bag in the bushes kind of disorderly in itself? Especially in this age of paranoia.

There are a couple of unanswered questions here. Like....What is a chihuahua doing running around loose on a bus? And....How can such a small dog wet an entire back pack? That's one full bladder.

Me thinks dear Melvin may have been hiding his backpack for some other reason, but we may never know. Clearly the "not quite housebroken" Is that like not quite being pregnant? chihuahua was the only dog involved here....no drug sniffing dog appears to have been called to the scene. Nor a bomb sniffing dog. In either case, they would have probably tried to mark their territory over the previous mark. In which case the backpack might as well have been blown up because you could never remove that stink. 

Note to Melvin - Dude! Carry the bag in with you held at arm's length between the thumb and forefinger with your nose averted. At least the courthouse security might then ask about it and give you a chance to deal with it properly instead of hiding it suspiciously in the bushes. Does this kid kid have any reasoning power at all? Oh yeah, he was there on a disorderly conduct charge. Melvin is a regular brainiac.

So I wonder who said it first - The bomb squadder who opened the backpack to find a pee soaked sandwich, an empty baggy and unread school books or Melvin as he left the courthouse only to find his backpack being groped by local officials. Regardless, one or the other determinedly said "What the Hell?"