Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - A horse of a different color(blindness)

In an effort to show that the good old U.S. of A. doesn't have exclusive rights to dumb stuff, we travel to England where, just like last week, our accused lawbreaker gives us a course in creative thinking.

"Colorblind" Horse Runs Red Light

BARNSLEY, England -- A British man fined $82 for driving his horse-drawn carriage while drunk said he ran a red light because the animal is colorblind.

John Mulvenna, 56, who also received a 12-month conditional discharge when he pleaded guilty in Barnsley, England, to a charge of being drunk in charge of a horse and carriage, maintained he went through the red light because his horse, Fred, is colorblind.

Authorities said Mulvenna also directed the horse the wrong way down a one-way street.

John Dobbin, Mulvenna's lawyer, said his client had consumed four pints of beer prior to the incident.

"He thought he was in a proper state to control the horse and trap," Dobbin said. "It is clear that he was not."

I'm not sure which is funnier - the fact that Mulvenna blames the running of a red light on his horse being colorblind or that there is a law for "drunk in charge of a horse and carriage? Or that he named his horse Fred, which I also think is hysterical.

Mulvenna: "Oy am sorry,  constable, sir, but me orse iss colour blind aund coo-unt tell watt colour the lawght wus. Oy've tried to train the bloody bugger, but ees a stubbun one, that Fred."

Constable: "So, Mr. Mulvenna, does your orse also have a problem reading directional sawnage? That would explain why ee wus edding the wrong woy down this street, now woo-n't it?" All Brits sound like actors from My Fair Lady, don't ya know.

It's so nice to read that we Americans don't hold exclusive rights to stupid excuses. Or doing really dumb things under the influence. Did Mulvenna think his horse would just take him home....you know...like in the movies? Drop the reigns and just let the horse head to the barn. I'm just glad the horse didn't get hurt.

But really! Blaming the horse for being color blind and not being able to tell red from green??!? Eventually this will be a great story for Mulvenna to tell in his AA meeting. "And then theya wus tha time me orse, Fred, run a red lawght and Oy blamed im instead of taken me own responsibility for me actions."

I can imagine after hearing Mulvenna blaming him for the law breaking, Fred the horse, if he could talk, would have said, "What the Hell?"

8 comments:

Autumnforest said...

Awesome dialect, dude! Yeah, that was great. Honestly, I'd rather be plowed down by a colorblind horse running a red light than the asshole in the Hummer looking for his cell phone and running the light. Even their "crimes" are more charming across the pond.

Brian Miller said...

ha. ugh...yeah, people will try anything not to take the blame for things eh? kinda scary though as hitting a horse and buggy would be a mess...

DaleTheDoll said...

You may not know it, but ventriloquist dolls are colorblind too but we're just not stupid enough to drive around a drunken-ass human.

MorningAJ said...

Oh 'eck I wish yoo lot ovvert' pond wood catch on thut not evveriwun 'ere talks lark Dick van Dyack. Baarnsli 'as it's own perfeckly gud akssent, tha' knorrs!

You've also missed the whole point. The man's lawyer was called DOBBIN! Clearly it doesn't mean the same there as it does here. It's a slang name for a horse!

Pearl said...

When I read "Dobbin", well, I was mostly present for most of a Harry Potter movie the other day, and of course now I have the picture of this man's lawyer as a wiry, big-eared servant dressed in a pillowcase...

Pearl

Tina said...

Good stuff here, MM! I agree, even having such a law cracks me up. I say Fred got lucky and survived to tell the tale. You know, "straight from the horses mouth"...
Tina @ Life is Good

Adsila said...

Drunkin' man, color blind horse..... now I have heard everything!

Evalinn said...

I wonder if he would make it to the AA meeting, with the horse being colorblind and not being able to read signs and all?