Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What The Hell Wednesday - This Stinks

When it comes to the unusual, I just can't resist, and this theft doesn't just teeter on the unusual, it jumps right off bizarre bluffs. I mean, if you're gonna steal....make it worth while. Or make it worth me having a great time making fun of your stupidity. So as read in the Athens Banner-Herald.

Store has second deodorant theft in a week

Police in Georgia said a man attempted to steal several deodorant sticks from a pharmacy that was struck by a similar crime a week earlier.

Athens-Clarke County police said the man was caught on a security camera fleeing the store Friday with nine sticks of deodorant in four varieties stuffed into his cargo pants.

Police said the incident took place exactly one week after employees stopped a woman from stealing 12 deodorant sticks from the shelves.

Police were searching for the latest thief.

OKAY then. Stealing deodorant. If he needed it that badly, I am sure bloodhounds would have no problem following his trail. But then again, maybe it's not him with the odor issue. Maybe it's his family and he is just tired of having to put up with the smell. But nine sticks? That's either a very big family or a very big smell.

Apparently each family member has discerning tastes in deodorant - nine sticks in four varieties. This must have made for interesting conversation once the thief returned home.

Thief: "Alright, everbuddy, I went and picked up yer deodorant. Now maybe you kin stop stinkin' so much. Billy Bob, I got yer Old Spice stick right cheer and I is sure it will make you all muscly like the feller on them commercials. Daisy May, my sweet little flower, now you kin stop smellin' like them pigs. I got ya Dove 'cause I know how you likes to eat them little critters. An' Ma, I got that there Right Guard fer ya, since yer built like a guard. The rest of ya's kin just fight over what's left."

Okay, I know what you're saying "But Monkey Man, the thief is from Georgia and you have him talking like some Kentucky Hillbilly." Yes, that's right I do. I guess it's just easier for me to type "Jethro" than "Nascar". So tough knobs if you don't like it.

Oh, one more thing - This was the second deodorant theft in a week!?! Do you think they might be related? Or was there just a bit of a warm spell in that area over the past couple of weeks that had folks sweating up a storm?

At any rate, can't you just see the puzzled looks on the security guys as they watched this doofus jam deodorant into his pockets, glanced over at each other and said "What the Hell?"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Rounded Corners Do Not Make A Square

Fitted sheet,
Oh, fitted sheet
On how to fold you
I admit defeat.
I tuck and turn until I am blue
but I just cannot make a rectangle of you.

Why can’t you be like your king size cousin,
the perfect shape I can fold by the dozen.

Fitted sheet,
Oh fitted sheet.
Around my mattress you are so snug.
But when it comes to folding you
I feel I am on a drug.

Your corners they are so misnamed
and it is on them
the horrible folding is blamed.

In the closet I will put you away,
a wadded mess is how you will stay.

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.


Inspiration can come in the oddest forms. In this case, it is the obvious frustration that overcame me as I was folding laundry. Yes, I do domestic chores. I like things tidy, even in a closet. So every time it comes to folding fitted sheets I wrestle and pull and tug and fold and scream - which scares the dog - then stuff the wad into the linen closet. Should I farm this out? Can they be folded.....properly? Am I doomed to fitted sheet frustration forever?

Life is full of questions. I hope all of yours are answered.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Fly Agaric - Sunday 160

Intense rain seeping deeply into soil,
feeding creatures long left dormant.
Rising larger than life
from the spongy earth,
giving way to beauty unseen for ages.

For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.