Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Rounded Corners Do Not Make A Square

Fitted sheet,
Oh, fitted sheet
On how to fold you
I admit defeat.
I tuck and turn until I am blue
but I just cannot make a rectangle of you.

Why can’t you be like your king size cousin,
the perfect shape I can fold by the dozen.

Fitted sheet,
Oh fitted sheet.
Around my mattress you are so snug.
But when it comes to folding you
I feel I am on a drug.

Your corners they are so misnamed
and it is on them
the horrible folding is blamed.

In the closet I will put you away,
a wadded mess is how you will stay.
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Inspiration can come in the oddest forms. In this case, it is the obvious frustration that overcame me as I was folding laundry. Yes, I do domestic chores. I like things tidy, even in a closet. So every time it comes to folding fitted sheets I wrestle and pull and tug and fold and scream - which scares the dog - then stuff the wad into the linen closet. Should I farm this out? Can they be folded.....properly? Am I doomed to fitted sheet frustration forever?

Life is full of questions. I hope all of yours are answered.

21 comments:

Susannah said...

This made me laugh, it was only today that I was trying to fold one too! Yes, a wadded mess is how it ended up. I loved this, thanks for putting my feelings into words. :-)

Jeannette said...

Maybe you meant it this way... or maybe it's all the Christmas posts I've been reading...

but I read your poem in the tune of O Christmas Tree. lol I love this poem.

Caty said...

ah, I feel your pain. I have yet to figure it out, and wadded it shall stay.

Autumnforest said...

I have to laugh because I was just trying to do that every thing only moments ago and cursing.

G-Man said...

It's a good thing that this wasn't toilet cleaning day Eh?

Brian Miller said...

haha. i hate folding fitted sheets...a wad is my way as well...fun write..

The Digital Looking Glass said...

LMAO! This made me giggle! Actually you CAN fold a fitted sheet and have it look, well, reasonable. But try doing it with a sheet any larger than a twin and you can just forget it! At least I can just forget it!

Great poem!

T-Dear

kkrige said...

Wonderful! haha! Now who do you think invented that unfoldable mess? damn them

Matty said...

Oh man, you said it so well. Folding that thing is one frustrating debacle. I usually try and then wind up just scrunching it all up into a ball.

gospelwriter said...

you are so not alone... thanks for the chuckle

PattiKen said...

Oh, I feel your pain! Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one totally bumfuzzled about this.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Monkey Man.

kavisionz said...

hahaha.. been there, felt that!! And trust me, at that moment, I wasn't the one laughing..

An awesome write, MM! And to top it, you put in rhymes... tooooo good!!

MorningAJ said...

I've tried a variety of ways and have to admit that none of them really works. Though I find if I kind of turn them half inside out and tuck one lot of corners into the other I can fold them up with all the elastic on the inside and pretend it isn't there. Then I fold the whole thing inside the matching pillowcases so that you can't see it anyway when you open the cupboard!
OCD? Me? ;)

One Stop - The Place For Poets, Writers and Artists said...

this made me smile..i am with you on that...everything should be neat and tidy in that cupboard...and then...what the hell!!!! Open my wardrobe will tell a tale or two about me...

thanks for linking in with OSW

pete

Mona said...

LOL! My feelings exactly! :)

Eric Alder said...

I've also encountered those unruly fitted sheets, but I've worked out a way to fold them almost neat - which is about as good as it gets.

First, lay the sheet out flat(-ish)on the bed. Fold in half width-wise and tuck the corners that meet into the corresponding corners.

At the fold, pull the corners inward (triangular), so there's basically a straight edge up to the 'stuffed' corners.

Fold down the stuffed corners just shy of the center fold. Then fold again laterally, etc.

The idea is to put the corners inside so you're working with relatively straight edges outside.

I'd still rather deal with fitted sheets than try to figure out how to make a flat sheet fit the mattress.

Eric Alder said...

Morning AJ's method also works well, especially if you're in a hurry.

(But some of us are just too anal to use that technique)

Fay's Too said...

I could tell you how to fold a fitted sheet, but then I'd have to turn in my ovaries. (It's a secret) Funnypost

shewriting said...

fitted sheet, oh fitted sheet...lol, that was beyond cute! I feel your pain!

Shashi said...

I enjoyed it... its so beautiful.
Thanks for sharing..

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

Marla said...

Good one, MM.


I actually love folding fitted sheets. I seem to have a knack for making them perfect little squares that fit into the cupboard like a charm. Maybe you just need a lesson.