Man Steals Inebriate Service Van
ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Anchorage police say a city van used to pick up inebriated people was taken on a joyride by a man suspected of drunken driving.
The Anchorage Daily News reported that 35-year-old Donny H. Weston was arrested after police say he got into a Community Service Patrol van parked with the keys in the engine. Police say social workers were attending inebriated people when Weston got into the van.
Police say Weston drove the van for a significant distance, including driving against traffic, and he eventually crashed the van into a bus and ditched it.
The van is part of a city program that picks up inebriated people and shuttles them to sleeping center.
Police say the inebriated men in the back of the van didn't notice the joyride.
Okay! Someone needs to hit the old thesaurus and find out a substitute word for Inebriated! How about - Bombed, Smashed, Plowed, Sh!*faced, Loaded, Plastered, Sloshed, Stewed, Wasted, Tight - I mean really....there are lots of choices other than "Inebriated". Guess they just like to be politically correct at the Anchorage Daily News. (Notice how I left this wide open for all of you to add your two cents worth....as I am sure you will. Yeah. Go ahead. Get Creative. I know you want to.)
A couple of points stick out for me in this story. First, I guess only in Alaska do they leave the keys in the engine. Cars must be different there. Personally, I leave my keys in the ignition. Who edits this stuff?
Second, the van shuttles the "inebriates" SAY IT!! Drunks! Bums! to a "sleeping center". Again...stop with all the PC crap....it's a drunk tank. They go there, sleep it off and then the local talent tries to get them to go to AA which is a great idea, except....you can't tell a drunk when to stop. They have to figure it out on their own....do it for themselves not because someone wants them to quit. Ooopps. Was I preaching?
So Donny goes joy riding in the drunk van with passed out drunks in the back. What a riot. If only those boys in the back had some semblance of consciousness they might have had some fun. Or crapped their pants...one.
I know for certain that if one of them would have "awakened" when Donny crashed into the bus he most assuredly would have said, "What the Hell?"