Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - The KFC Test

I just love the inner workings of a drunks mind and this story is a classic brought to you from down under. I also like this story because it's short which means some of you ADD-ers out there might even read it.

Melbourne drunk driver on way to 'test teeth' at KFC

A woman caught drink-driving has told Melbourne police she was on her way to try her new teeth on fried chicken. The 55-year-old from St Kilda East was caught outside the Prahran Police Station on Friday night and recorded a reading of 0.052.

It was her second offense in 10 years and she received an automatic loss of license. Police say the woman said she had decided to drive because she wanted to try out her new false teeth on KFC.

First off, I would like to say that I always thought of Aussies as big drinkers and accepting of that fact as a nation. But then again, maybe that's just one of those good old American bred stereotypes. We are so good at that. Well, if you are big drinkers and proud of it, then what are you Aussies doing taking in this poor woman when she only blows a .052??? Here in 'Merika we don't get hauled in until we blow a .08 and even then you are considered a lightweight if that's all you can muster out of your nightly binge. Plus second offense in ten years and they yank your license?? Maybe we could learn something from these folks.

What I didn't realize and what is the real story here, is that all new dentures need to pass the KFC bite test to be approved for use - in Australia anyway.

"Oy, mate. Oi see ya got a new setta choppas theya. Ya wanna take a bite a this shrimp from my bawbee?"

"Nao way, mate. Oi'm off to KFC to see if they'll hold up ta thawt bit o' leathah they call chickin. But fust Oi need ta stop off at the local waterin' hole to tank up on a bit of anesthetic."

Remember, this is Australia and that's the way they talk. At least I didn't make them sound like a bunch of hillbillies. That seems to be my fall back accent. You might be saying to yourself, "Jeez, Monkey Man, can't you do better than that?" You try typing an accent....it's not as easy as you might think and it plays hell with spell check. 

I digress. 

At least the woman had an excuse for driving under the influence, but it probably didn't prevent the Prahran police from looking at one another after she uttered her KFC reference and saying in their best Australian accent "Whawt the Ell?"

16 comments:

Titanium said...

I'm no Aussie, but it sure sounds like you nailed the accent perfectly!

Testing a new set of falsies at KFC? Priceless. I mean, her logic was flawless- if that leath-ah doesn't break 'em in for ya, dunno what will.

Good one, MM.

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Ekkstra krispay, mate!

(Can you imagine a stuttering Aussie? LOL!)

Autumnforest said...

Now, remember KFC doesn't want to be associated with that "fried" (whisper) word. The lady went in search of her "KFC chicken--not fried, but good for you, happens to be crispy and dipped in hot oil, but we won't call it fried-chicken" treat.

Brian Miller said...

haha...that skin can get pretty crispy you know...lol at autumnfrost comment...

Josh Hoyt said...

I like the small print. Great job!

Me said...

Ha! I think you did a *great* job of the Aussie accent. Well done!

Definitely a unique excuse for DWI, too...

Mama Zen said...

Well, you certainly wouldn't want to subject your real teeth to that old bird!

Steve E said...

Wall, ah dunno 'bout y'all in Amerika, but heeer in Flow-ree-duh, we use Gator skin, dipped in oil, NOT fried, of course--grin! And that's only if we can hide some G-skin from them shoo companies.

Good "What-The-Hell" job, Mr Monkey Man!
I been where that lady was, but didn't have those false teeth yet...

PEACE!

Cloudia said...

hey Mate!





Warm Aloha from Honolulu


Comfort Spiral

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Sandra said...

OMG Mr. Le Monkey I am crying! Crying with laughter! That written accent was so legible I could hear it in my head (despite the other voices in there).
Please though, I must hear the fall-back hillbilly one or my life will never be complete!

the walking man said...

Seriously .05? You could blow that after using Listerine to rinse your mouth out with. WTH?

budh.aaah said...

Hahaa it does sound totally Aussie and not hillbilly. Spot on.

Deborah said...

What I didn't realize and what is the real story here, is that all new dentures need to pass the KFC bite test to be approved for use - in Australia anyway ... LOL
you couldn't make these thing up!

Kelley said...

This really made me laugh out loud! I was very impressed with your ability to type out the accent. I loved the "Oi'm" and "Oi". Ha!

MorningAJ said...

KFCs are a bit tough then.....

Dr. Heckle said...

G'day mate! Crickey kangaroo koala Foster's funnel web spider!

Am I speaking Australian yet? Well, I gave it a go...