Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - Stupor Hero

This week we find ourselves back in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where bumper stickers like "Keep Portland Weird" and "Friends Dont' Let Friends Drink Starbucks" proliferate. Self proclaimed independent thinkers all.

Well, it appears the home of Grunge has started a new craze - Superhero Mania. Check out this story as taken from a European news source. 

"Superhero" Guardian of Seattle Breaks Nose - But Won't Stop Fighting Crime

The masked crusader, who likes to call himself the Guardian of Seattle, got into a little local difficulty and had his nose broken while trying to protect his beloved city.
And the incident has prompted police to urge him and other self-styled saviors to hang up their capes before anyone gets seriously hurt.
‘Does Superman get his ass kicked?’ one detective – quite fairly – asked. ‘These people should not be called superheroes.’
Phoenix Jones – who parades around wearing tights, a mask and a skin-tight rubber suit with a bulletproof vest – was hurt while bravely (or stupidly) trying to break up a fight with a man who was armed with a gun.
But he insisted his injury won’t put him off fighting crime.
‘If police aren’t here, criminals feel free to run wild in my city,’ the father of two said. ‘And I’m not going to stand for it.’
Mr. Jones insisted he endangered his life ‘with a reason and a purpose’ and claimed he and other caped crusaders all had a military or martial arts background and knew what they were facing.
His eight other colleagues revel in the monikers Thorn, Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88 and Penelope.
He is often driven around the city by a mystery woman; she doesn’t bother with superhero garb.

Just what we need....another gang. I mean really, that's what this equates to as far as I'm concerned. "Wait! Why so serious, Monkey?," you ask. Okay, you're right I'll lighten up and get back to my usual sarcasm. How else can I get that feeling of superiority?

First, what is the difference between vigilantism and Superhero behavior other than insanity wearing a costume? There are a bunch of these idiots vigilantes losers 'superheroes' running around, not just Mr. Jones....I love that. And did you check out those names??? Does Thunder 88 hit people with his piano? Does Catastrophe wear a mounted feline backside on his head? Get it 'Cat-Ass-Trophy'. Then there's No Name who doesn't include creativity among his not so super powers.

But don't worry about these guys and gals, they have backgrounds in martial arts and the military which makes them impervious to bullets and knives or whatever else real criminals have in their arsenal. Reminds me of the movie Mystery Men or that not so new flick Kick Ass.

The story says that Jones has two kids. Can you imagine the first time Daddy shows up in the living room wearing the costume shown in the photo below? Those kids must have looked at each other and said "What the Hell?" Upon which the Guardian of Seattle promptly washed out their mouths with soap.
Phoenix Jones (L) and No Name (?)
preparing to shoot bad guys with their fully loaded fingers.
Good luck guys.

20 comments:

Me said...

This story disturbs me more than many others you've posted, and I'm not sure why. Maybe because most of the WTH losers kind of find themselves in a muddle created by a lack of forethought...and these guys have put a WHOLE LOT of forethought into their actions. They have costumes, for pete's sake. That's just not right.

Silver said...

No smoke? lol

I just like to send you my love and to say thank you for your friendship. It has been a pleasure!

I am leaving my blogs for good. Just like to make some last stops first.

Hugs,
Silver

Brian Miller said...

i need to find the website...there is a whole group of these self styled superheroes....craziness...

Mister Sharaf said...

very nice

Steve E said...

(Deep voice). Hello. This is Superman speaking, ad I approve of this ad paid for by ygdshl mgjl; rd etc.

Usually I travel as my alias, Steve E, a weak, milquetoast, violin-playing dude who tries to act normal...but not too much!

Thanks, MM!

You raised some nice daughters, the baby and the 18-year-old...OH!, they are the same "Daddy's Little Girl"!

Stranger said...

Holy Moly! Just last week my husband sent me an article from the UK's The Sun about Seattle's Phoenix Jones, the Superman of the People.
I don't know how I feel about it. Yeah, it's crazy to have non-supers out there trying to be super heroes, but the fact that they are out there trying to make the world a better place is sort of, well, endearing. They're nuts and weird, but they are out there trying to make a difference. Right?
Ignore me, though. I'm a comic book geek. I used to fantasize about becoming one of Professor Xavier's gifted few (X-men reference). Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for my super-mutant powers to manifest. I will not be out there saving the world from crime and evil without a decent super power and kick-ass costume to protect me.
Thanks for blogging this story. I very much enjoyed it.

Shadow said...

speechless, once again...

joanny said...

MM

Seattle is getting weirder then Portland...

joanny

MorningAJ said...

OK. I know I'm English so I miss some of the US references. I've read it all, twice. And the comments. And I have just one question..........


Why shouldn't I let my friends drink Starbuck's?

the walking man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mama Zen said...

"parades around wearing tights, a mask and a skin-tight rubber suit"

In my neck of the woods, that's just begging for an ass kicking.

Always Write said...

What about when daddy gets a bullet???

Super Psycho!!!

Stick to your java Seattle

moondustwriter said...

Ok this guy is too old to tie a towel around his neck and buzz around Seattle.

It's sad tho if the police aren't keeping crime down

smiles

JH said...

I'm sticking with Batman, Spiderman and ummm Wonder Woman or have they all retired. You know the real crime fighters. "a broken nose" gees... loser but good story

hedgewitch said...

Sounds like all the bats are not in the Batcave up in Seattle...

moondustwriter said...

so when does the 55 go up amigo??

Caty said...

wow..and I thought that was only for those not so funny comedies they try and show at the theater...

The Bipolar Diva said...

Ok, so I'm not that invincible!

Nessa said...

He'd be more of a hero if he stayed home and raised his children with sanity.

Classic NYer said...

Haha! This is fantastic... it's a brave new world out west isn't it? In New York our psychos just mutter to themselves and beg for money...