Tuesday, January 25, 2011

5 X 10 - A One Shot

Shoulders hunched,
back bent
under the weight
of seemingly endless hospital bills,
he stood with glazed eyes
staring without focus
at the nothing life had become.

Gone.
His love of 43 years.

Gone.
The house of love they built.

Gone.
His happiness.

Gone.
His energy to make a new life.

Now he stared at his past,
rolled down the door,
clicked the padlock closed
and walked away.

His life reduced to a five by ten storage space.
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29 comments:

Autumnforest said...

Wow. I wonder if anyone would miss me like that? The imagery was so clear. As a psychic, I feel as if I tapped into someone's life. That's quite a talent, buddy.

anthonynorth said...

A sense of desolation in this. Excellent write.

LauraX said...

ok, now my heart has dropped down below my feet and deep into the snow. Beautiful, and so so sad.

dustus said...

Seems the fate of many, due to illness, to find what little space they can possibly afford— after skyrocketing medical bills steal any hope for a relatively good life. Great one, MM

Brian Miller said...

dang. harsh reality...there but for the grace...came close once...nice one shot monkey...

Daniel Jay said...

Departing, and loss are two very different things to all of those involved. Staring without focus is something that does not occur lightly, and this line struck me hard, made me think of moments that I have done this. Not moments that I take lightly - I like poems that do this to me. Glad to have stopped by -

Daniel.

heathergracestewart.com said...

Beautifully done. Succinct, yet poignant. I won't forget this one.

Jannie Funster said...

I'm with Laura on my heart dropped down. So sad. So well told, so much in just a few poignant sentences.

xo

Larry said...

Wow been there and done that lot my better half to a divorce. This post really opened my eyes to things

G-Man said...

I feel much better now!!!



(Great Job)

f82bfat said...

How very sad. Something about storage places has always been a downer to me. I guess this is just one reason why. Depressed now.

Adsila said...

Sadly, I can relate to some of what was written.

booguloo said...

I could tell you a story, but this one says it all for both. Great write.

Shadow said...

this is profoundly sad.

Possum said...

Ditto Brian's there but for the grace sentiments.
Beautifully balanced piece of writing MM.

the walking man said...

Snapshot of a harsh reality for some. What I liked about it is you could have given the subject an ending but you didn't. You left it to each individual to assume what the next step is. The hopeful will see one or two, the cynical one or two different ways. Yes I liked this one a lot.

Linda said...

I could feel the sadness and despair. Nicely written.

hedgewitch said...

Stark and all too real. This is happening every day in one of the most prosperous countries on earth while tiny countries with nothing like our resources provide a health care system to all that makes bankruptcy and eviction due to astronomical, unpayable medical bills impossible. Sad.

PattiKen said...

This is wonderful. You've really presented the desolation one often sees in the eyes of a spouse whose lifelong love has died.

Margaret Bednar said...

Very moving. Makes one stop and pause. And give thanks!

Caty said...

too sad and too many people going through this now...nice write, MM :)

Mama Zen said...

Monkey Man, this is SO good. And, so heartbreakingly sad.

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

I hate storage facilities - mostly sad stories behind them.

Nice One Shot, MM!

Sandra said...

Beautiful prose, as I would expect from you. ...but come on, it's fricken January and we're all suicidal enough! Next time think happy thoughts happy thoughts!

Claudia said...

ouch - this hurt!

kavisionz said...

OUCH!! That's quite a loss! He must have had so many memories in his home...
Gee.. I hope he copes with this...

Very well written, MM... powerful, and very moving indeed!!

kkrige said...

a chill across the spine. Well written, but a topic too sad and real. I am with Sandra on the happy thoughts for January boat!

joanny said...

so sad MM -- 5 x 10, well written but sad...

joanny

Steve Isaak said...

Stunning, effective work. The emotional is lent additional heft by excellent concrete images (too many poets think that ethereal-only is the way to go - it's not).

Perfect piece.