Apparently, it was a hugely disappointing holiday shopping day for two women in Edmond, Oklahoma. While expecting an enormous haul for their holidays, they ended up with a big fat nothing....expect for the marks on their police records.
Face it. You just can't pass on a story with a headline that reads.....
Women accused of hiding merchandise in body fat
EDMOND, OK -- Two women arrested for shoplifting used their bodies to conceal the goods. Edmond police say it was at the TJ Maxx that loss prevention officers found the duo stuffing items under their belly fat and breasts.
It was said the women took four pair of boots, three pair of jeans, a wallet and gloves; $2,600 worth of store merchandise.
Ailene Brown, 28, and 37-year-old Shmeco Thomas were arrested for shoplifting and are facing felony charges.
Officer James Hamm said, "These two were actually concealing them in areas of their body where excess skin was, under their chest area and armpits."
They also had a knife hidden in a purse that they used to cut off store security tags.
Now I wish I could remove my brain and scrub the image this story created right out of my mind. As I read this, I was constantly stopping to swallow the vomit that formed at the back of my throat and mumbling - Ewwwww. Lifting the fat under their armpits??? Bellies??? And Boobs??? ARMPITS!!!! Just how fat are these two? And who let them out of the freak show at Ringling Bros to go shopping? Oh, God! Now the who thing is replaying in my mind again. Aaaaaaa....help me.
Okay, now that I have that out of my system, let's review the facts. The first thing that strikes me is that they actually carry a purse (or purses). Then again, maybe they needed the purses in order to clear out space for all the stuff they planned to pilfer in their fat rolls.
The second is the shear volume of stolen merchandis: FOUR pairs of boots; THREE pairs of jeans (can you imagine the size of those jeans?); and a wallet and gloves. Why bother with the wallet and gloves? Maybe that's where the armpit folds came into play. Urrrp. Sorry, I threw up into my mouth again.
Last, can you picture the looks on the loss prevention officers' faces as they searched for the shoplifted loot? I am sure as they gagged back the up-chuck bubbling from their stomachs, one of them blurted out "What the Hell?"