Tuesday, November 9, 2010

One Shot - Starting Over


The cold penetrated his skin
with the shocking chill
of immersion in ice water.
Eyes squinting
to keep light
from making a new day reality,
he stumbled across the room
and brushed back
the heavy fabric curtains.
Through the cloud of dust
that exploded between him
and the window
he could see
only an oppressive gray sky
crashing with the weight of depression
down upon the world.
Shivering in disbelief,
he shuffled back toward the warm
inviting blankets of his bed
and thrust himself back in his cocoon
hoping if he tried again later
his world would change.
________________________

Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

37 comments:

moondustwriter said...

What a great (and sad)study of depression. Nice expression - I think those 160s are making you quite the writer

Smiles from the Moon

anthonynorth said...

This is so perfectly worded, fitting for the subject of depression.

Autumnforest said...

Beautiful. Apparently, he still has a ray of hope, he did check outside the window just to see if the world had changed. There is hope. Beautifully done!

Timoteo said...

Was this written on a Monday? lol

lakeviewer said...

You do produce with these challenges, touching more and more heights. This poem stands as a sample of all your good work.

Brian Miller said...

you know there are days...and i hope for this one a new day dawms that is not so bleak...smiles. nice one shot monkey!

Asobime said...

Been there...excellent portrayal of depression...or lack of hope.

Haunting, too.

Lady Nyo

PattiKen said...

Great job portraying the crushing weight of depression, MM. This sounds like one of those days when it's just too difficult.

Tina said...

You speak my language. Depression is such a hard road, especially when so many misunderstand our malady...nicely done, Monkey Man!

TALON said...

So very real...depression is like cocooning yourself against...well, against everything really.

I like the hope there, too, that maybe the reality will change into something less grey in the future.

Unknown Mami said...

Sounds a little familiar.

Adam White - Poet said...

Nice. Something I can identify with.

Katherine said...

Monkey you delivered exactly what depression can be like for some people. I think it's wonderful that you left a glimmer of hope within this one though because things usually do start to look somewhat better outside those heavy drapes, eventually. Sometimes it's just a matter of time & the will to defeat the dreaded black dog. It's great that he keeps on trying.

SuziCate said...

and thrust himself back in his cocoon
hoping if he tried again later
his world would change. - unfortunately many of us have been there...good word choices in your descriptions.

Titanium said...

Often, the answer lies in remaining in the cocoon long enough to allow the process to finish. Emerge too soon, on the wrong day, and those delicate wings may not yet be completely constructed. Wise man he- crawling back inside might have been the best possible choice.

Mama Zen said...

I know exactly how he feels!

signed...bkm said...

This is an excellent write and the feeling...that feeling that if I just sleep...when I wake the world will change...Wow, know that feeling....Very well done...bkm

G-Man said...

MM....
You've outdone yourself!
This was a Masterpiece...G

Tammy said...

Sounds like one of those icy winter days here by the ocean. Brr. Nothing feels better on those mornings than the warmth of the flannel blankies retaining the heat.

Beachanny said...

I'm glad I read the comments. I liked it and didn't even get that it was about depression (as in clinical). I just know when it's cold in Texas and I don't have any place to go, I often look out at a gray sky and back to a warm bed and think...ah....yes, more sleep...and I'm happy. So maybe I'm saying it works on a completely different level as well or that my brain has gone to mush tonight and I should read more tomorrow. Enjoyed it neverthless and thought it was good imagery!

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

what a sad feeling... of not feeling anything but despair. Powerful!

kkrige said...

the cloud of dust on the curtains leads on to believe that your protagonist has risen in a while. A sad reflection that has struck many a chord in people. I think you penned this well MM

poemblaze said...

You include so many sensory descriptions in this poem! Great job.

budh.aaah said...

sad and bleak. loved reading it.

Deborah said...

Brilliantly written.

Steve said...

Oh too relatable scenario. Good work!

Melissa Campbell said...

Warm beds are good to go back to on a rainy day, when the skies and even the curtains are heavy. Great imagery!

gautami tripathy said...

I can totally relate to this...

certainity of the uncertainity

gospelwriter said...

oh I so know that feeling - very true to life in the depressed lane, your poem

Nick Rolynd said...

Oh, the imagery gives me such sad feelings. Very depressed tone. The deep emotions are conveyed really well.

Really great one shot!

Pete Marshall said...

spot on...excellent write...nothing more needs to be said...pete

kavisionz said...

Uh ohh... I hope his world changes.. and so does he!
What a wonderfully put observation!! Gee.. when one feels glum, everything around too appears dreary..doesn't it? So maybe things WILL indeed change once he changes (just a bit)

Superb One shot!!
Cheers..

liv2write2day said...

I could taste this guy's depression. Strong writing.
Victoria
(sorry I missed the 160--I was away)

Shashi said...

I enjoyed the story and your thoughts about it and then the poetry was perfect.. I liked it. thanks for sharing...

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

Caty said...

Unfortunately, I've had many of those mornings...felt the emotion in this one

Marla said...

I've slept in that bed. Excellent, MM.

Nessa said...

Wonderful poem - each detail perfect for the feeling and situation.