Wednesday, October 6, 2010

What the Hell Wednesday - Would you like soup with that?


While we had fun at Michigan's expense last week, this week we return to the beloved South where drinking and driving appears to be a way of life. You may remember our friend who stole a tractor for a beer run. If not, just refresh your memory with this look at a past post - Put Down the Beer and the Gun. Or if you're just too excited to review, then get on with it and check out how Grannie tries to sweet talk the police in Ocala, Florida.

Cop: Grandma in DUI offered sandwich


OCALA, Fla., Oct. 2 (UPI) -- A police officer in Florida says a grandmother tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by offering to make him a grilled cheese sandwich.


If Elsie Wright O'Conner, 65, tried the ploy, it did not work. She was arrested Thursday night and charged with driving under the influence, the Ocala Star-Banner reports.


In his report, Marion County Deputy Calvin Batts said he responded to a call about an erratic driver and pulled O'Conner over. He said he smelled alcohol on her breath and found two Skyy vodka bottles in her Cadillac sport utility vehicle, one empty and one half-full.


O'Conner failed a field sobriety test, Batts said. At the county jail, her blood-alcohol level tested at more than three times the legal limit of 0.08.


"Come on now, I'm a grandma, can't you do something for me since I'm not that bad," Batts said O'Conner told him. "I could have brought you back to my house and made you a grilled cheese sandwich."


Wait a minute!!?! I thought vodka was the odorless alcohol. Maybe Grannie O'Conner thought so too. But at three times the legal limit for blood alcohol level, there just might be a slight smell of booze. Jeez, I'm guessing the bottles found in the vehicle weren't your airline size bottles. Which means grannie can toss 'em back with the best of 'em. Takes me back to my drinking days when a fifth was just the right sized drink. Glad I don't have to suffer that any more.


So, I digress. Don't you just love her approach?


Deputy Batts: M'am? Have you been drinking?


Grannie O': Maybe just a touch, officer. But not enough to make me forget my manners. My momma always said "If a gentleman pulls you over for crossing the center line, be sure to offer him a grilled cheese sandwich."


Now you would think being in the South the offer would be just slightly more ethnic, like cookin' up a mess 'o grits or servin' up some sweet potato pie or hush puppies or some such stereotypical Southern comfort food. But a grilled cheese sandwich???


Don't get me wrong. I love a good grilled cheese sandwich and pride myself as the world's best grilled cheese sandwich maker, but c'mon...this is the South. Let's get creative. Then again, what kind of a southern name is O'Conner. It's a wonder she didn't offer him up corned beef and cabbage.


Anyway you look at it, I am sure Deputy Batts professionally refrained from laughing, then turned and asked himself...."What the Well?"

13 comments:

Matty said...

Now if she had offered me Phillies tickets.....just sayin'.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Yes please, hot soup.

MorningAJ said...

Grilled cheese? I'd have given it serious thought.......

Tabor said...

I am afraid that your photo overshadowed it all. That looked delicious and I am not a huge fan of grilled cheese.

Possum said...

Classic!! lol

Brian Miller said...

i might have a hard time passing up that sandwich...

Deborah said...

For some reason corned beef and cabbage had me LOL, very funny!!!

clean and crazy said...

i'm with brian, i haven't had bread in three months man, a sandwich would have hit the spot, escpecially if it looked anything like the picture you posted, my mouth is watering

Eric Alder said...

The real horror is that the grilled cheese sandwich was just the start of her evil plot.

While he was busy eating the sandwich, she planned to 'slip into something more comfortable' and then... well, I think you can guess the rest. (Shudder!)

Thank goodness the cop turned out to be lactose-intolerant!

Caty said...

I think once you get passed Georgia, Florida begins to get a little "northernized" I visit there a lot and it doesn't remind me of the good ole' south that I live in :) So grilled cheese was probably the best she could come up with...

betweenhearts75 said...

I think its still early enough for lunch! LOL! Nice writing too...now I'm hungry! ;) ~April

Unknown Mami said...

Great, now I want a grilled cheese for breakfast.

Marla said...

He passed up a grilled cheese from a Southern Granny? Damn Yankee!