Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - An Axe to Grind

Here is a post-Halloween tidbit I just couldn't resist. Yes, I know it's the week before Thanksgiving, but I can't post these stories before they are printed....if you know what I mean.

Man Arrested Over Costume Axe

AKRON, Ohio  - An Ohio man who carried a rubber prop ax into a bar before Halloween is trying to get prosecutors to dismiss an inducing panic charge.

The Akron Beacon Journal reports that 42-year-old Bill Morrison is a Halloween enthusiast who has long worked on seasonal haunted house attractions. He told Akron police he went to Corky's Thomastown bar on Oct. 16 to sell a friend the costume ax, which had red paint to make it appear bloody.

A woman who saw Morrison with the ax under his coat called 911 and said he looked suspicious.

Morrison was jailed overnight before being released on bond.

His attorney, Ed Sawan, says the charges appear to be unfounded. Akron City Prosecutor Doug Powley indicates his office is still studying the case.
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I know, this dates waaaaay back to October 16, but really, the story didn't appear on my favorite web source until today, November 22. For you readers outside the good old USofA that's my favourite web source. But enough about the somewhat tardy appearance of this article, let's talk about it.

First, I think that is an awesome Halloween axe and I wish I had one. Second, what is Bill Morrison doing hiding it under his coat? If this were his regular bar, you'd think he would come in all angry like brandishing the axe over his head screaming like a wild man asking where his buddy was. But not knowing anything about this bar, maybe Bill thought if he did that he would get shot. Ya never know.

So, he slides into the bar all coy-like with a fake axe hidden under his coat and freaks some half drunk idiot out of her bloomers. She calls 9-1-1 and poor Bill is arrested for nearly in-sighting a riot, er, I mean....inducing panic. Inducing panic? Shee-it. I think the woman who called 9-1-1 would be induced to panic if someone walked up behind her and said "Hi!"

Okay, Bill is arrested. His buddy doesn't get the axe he wanted as a Halloween prop and the police get to pose for pictures. Isn't that a cool axe? Did I say I want one? Meanwhile nosy 9-1-1 lady drives off in a drunken stupor to buzz kill someone else's fun. We will probably read about her in a later post after she blows the whistle on someone who isn't as nice as Bill and meets an untimely end with an axe that isn't fake.

For sure, as Bill was belly up to the bar, axe in hand, slugging back a few, he was caught by surprise by the Akron police and, as they cuffed him and shove him and his cool axe into the squad car, said "What the Hell?"

13 comments:

Brian Miller said...

that is a cool axe...

and while all this was going on the man in the corner sold the rest of his smack laughing at the distraction...

dont we have bigger crimes to worry about...

shakes head.

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Maybe not panic inducing, but I'm glad at least one person was slightly concerned about a giant bloody axe haha.

Steve E said...

I agree with Bloody-Bill-The-Ax-Man!
"What the hell!"

Well, Monkey man, at least you took my mind away from political debates, wars, uprisings, Iran, China, Europe jobs, oil costs, bankers making record amounts of money.

(Or maybe you didn't? Since I just mentioned them--grin!)

Caty said...

poor guy! I bet that lady goes home everynight and checks her shower for a serial killer...and that is a really cool axe!

5thsister said...

Yeah...I want a rubber ax too! Way cool. Freaked out lady? Not so cool.

The Bipolar Diva said...

Note to self: have autistic son make monkey man a way cool, fake, bloody ax.

Tina said...

My boys have a number of foam weapons such as that axe. Wait til they hear they are available with blood! There will be much envying and coveting going on here...
Tina @ Life is Good

the walking man said...

Just so you don't have to wait until Christmas to hear the end of the story, the DA has decided to not press charges against old bill for inducing a panic attack.

I want to know if the cops gave the woman a breathalyzer before she drove off?

Adsila said...

Yeah, that woman overreacted. Lay off the hard liquor lady.

Green Monkey said...

I was thinking on the same line as Brian's comment - the axe was part of a distraction (possibly drug related) or he was overcompensating for a small penis.

Granny Annie said...

In all fairness to the lady, was the axe man perhaps a postal worker?

Green Monkey said...

time for an obnoxiously long comment...

(this is one of those stories I always wanted to write). TRUE STORY... I live in a condo complex composed of 6 units. The condo is alongside a river. On the opposite side of the river is a restaurant. We all have sliding glass doors that lead to the balcony. My neighbor, a single man in his... late 20's, brings two girls over and attempts to impress them by showing them his riffle. It's a hunting riffle with a super cool scope - a laser scope. He is an avid hunter. After he shows them how cool the laser is he puts it in a locked gun safe. I am outside on my deck enjoying a bowl of wine when I see a swarm of men, dressed in black - helmets on, guns drawn. I almost spill my wine. They surrounded his unit, some scaled the walls and leaped onto the deck. Others are on the roof. They burst into my neighbors house and arrest him. Parade him out in handcuffs and stuff him into a armored truck. Because everything was in order - riffle licensed and safely stored - he was charged him with endangering the wellbeing of his female guests (or something along those lines). He was not the danger - because his gun was not loaded and there was no ammunition in the house. But the swat team put them in danger and his actions caused the swat team to arrive. (is that NUTS or what!). Turns out...across the river, in the restaurant, was a Marine who just returned from Afghanistan. Half way through his spaghetti he called the police and reported that there was a man, on the balcony, pointing a riffle at him. My neighbor was never on the balcony. I was on the balcony. I will admit, my wine glass is large but it does not resemble a riffle.

Green Monkey said...

Monkey, thanks for getting me to write that - after tweaking it (a bit) and correctly spelling the word "rifle" (I can't spell for shit)... I'm going to use it as tomorrows post and include a link back to you. Cheers~