Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - Walmart Wars

The dumb burglar and drunken driver kick was getting a bit old, so when I saw the headline below, I was completely taken. Apparently, so was the tip of someone's finger.

Woman Has Fingertip Bitten Off In Walmart Love Triangle Tiff

A Florida Walmart worker who suspected her co-worker of sleeping with her husband was arrested after she allegedly attacked the other woman and bit off part of her finger at the supercenter's parking lot.

Clodia Coicour, 43, was arrested Monday on a charge of aggressive battery with great bodily harm causing permanent disfigurement for the bloody brawl at an East Naples Walmart.

The victim told Collier County deputies that she was leaving work around 7 a.m. when she was suddenly attacked by Coicour near her car.

She told police Coicour threw a spicy substance — possibly pepper spray — in her face, which burned her eyes before Coicour set upon her and bit off the tip of her right ring finger.

Coicour later told deputies that she attacked the woman because she'd heard a rumor she was having an affair with her husband, who also works at Walmart.

The husband and the victim denied the affair to police.

So this encounter is nothing less than Jerry Springer goes to a Walmart parking lot. Without the security. I am especially enamored with the charges of "aggressive battery with great bodily harm causing permanent damage". Boy is that a mouthful....no pun intended. Okay, pun intended and a bad one at that, but sometimes I just can't resist. But "aggressive battery"? What battery isn't aggressive? "Sure I bit off the tip of that slut's finger, your honor, but I didn't do it in an aggressive way."

Then again, maybe  Ms. Coicour what kind of name is that? was just hungry. Or she had a nail biting habit that got a bit out of control. I am sure it had nothing to do with an alleged nefarious affair. After all, the husband and the victim deny the affair and I am sure they are telling the truth. Folks that have affairs are always truthful to their spouses about that sort of thing. Really!

Well, at any rate, you all know what comes next. The Collier County Deputies, as they stepped out of their squad car and saw the bloody face of Ms. Coicour and the finger tip being spit from her mouth probably looked at one another and said, "What the Hell?"

13 comments:

00dozo said...

Well, seeing it happened in Naples, it could have been worse. The woman could have bit off a nipple. (O.K. - mine was less punnier than yours.)
;-)

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Get that finger outta your mouth!
You don't know where it's been! LOL!

(Only at Wal-Mart, MM!)

Brian Miller said...

there are more than prices falling at walmart...finger tips, IQ levels...

hedgewitch said...

Puts a whole new flavor on 'giving someone the finger..." as it were. One can only be glad the woman didn't end up like Rahm Emmanuel. And as far as cheating sig others go, some have found a chainsaw way more effective at eliciting both the true story and cleaving appropriate body parts. and *that* is aggressive battery. ;-)

Mama Zen said...

At least it wasn't a passive aggressive battery. I really hate those.

Pheromone Girl said...

Loved the "giving someone the finger..." comment, Hedgewitch. Awesome.

But the big questions is - did her husband come home that night? I don't think I would...

Adsila said...

Another nail-biter, or rather finger...

Titanium said...

Bite her finger? Yeah, that'll teach her.

That had to have been the sloppiest little she-fight of the morning.

I give this one two thumbs up, MM! Yeah. 'Cause ain't nobody biting on my phalanges.

Autumnforest said...

See? This is the very reason WalMart isn't promoting their female employees. Tsk tsk

Caty said...

"sure I bit off the tip of that slut's finger, your honor, but I didn't do it in an aggressive way"...that line was hilarious!

the walking man said...

And there is another really good reason to stay away from Wal-Marts. They hire cannibals.

Cameron said...

k, one of my bff's lives in naples, must make sure she is in tact!

How are you Mr. Monkey!?!?!? I have been a terrible bloggy friend. Thank you so very much for popping by to say hi and relating to my first year parenting experience :) :)

I hope that life is well for you and i will visit again soon!!!

Cameron

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