Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - This Buds for ME!! If I wake up.

This week's gem is brought to you by yet another drunk. I am so glad there are people out there with drug and alcohol problems because without them What The Hell Wednesday wouldn't exist. Check out this story about a man, a car and his beer.

Man Found Asleep in Car, Clutching Bud

LORAIN, OH A 51-year-old Lorain man was cited for physical control of a vehicle, failure to reinstate and open container after police found him slumped over in his vehicle holding a bottle of Bud Light, according to a Lorain police report.

Police found Jack Tucker at 3:49 a.m. Friday in a parked, but running, vehicle. Tucker was unresponsive and holding a full, open Bud Light bottle in his lap. He was breathing and snoring and did not wake up when police shook him and yelled at him, according to the report.

Ambulance workers later arrived and used smelling salts to wake Tucker. Tucker was taken to Mercy Regional Medical Center, but because of a health condition, was served with a summons and released from the hospital. 

At least the Bud he was clutching was a bottle.

You know what I love about this story? Well, of course you don't because you're not me. I love that the police have adopted an entire new language. "Physical control of a vehicle." While sleeping?? I guess he had to physically turn the key to make it run before passing out. And "Failure to reinstate." What a fancy way to say he was so effing drunk that a freight train couldn't wake him. THEN they call in an ambulance to administer smelling salts!?! That's right, an ambulance. Making this one expensive delivery service. "Who ordered smelling salts? You wanna supersize that?"

Why can't we just go back to the days when the police would take the open container of Bud, pour it on Jack's head to wake him up and push him out onto his front lawn give him a ride home. Better yet, why didn't they just quietly reach in, turn off the car and take his keys. Maybe even leave a note -

"Hi fella. Just want you do know that we have your keys. Come get them after your nap."
Sincerely, 
Lorain Police

I know. Today we have these things called attorneys and everyone is so afraid of being sued that no one does the logical thing any more. Let alone has a sense of humor about it. Wouldn't want to offend anyone. Oh no! Just like I am sure I am not offending anyone here. If I am.....to bad. It's my blog and I'll write what I want. Neener.

Just the same, I am sure the Lorain police, tired of yelling at this drunk and shaking him, just went back to their cruiser to call in the Ambulance and said "What the Hell."

14 comments:

Titanium said...

When I worked as a medic, ETOH calls were my absolute *least favorite*. Nothing like wrangling a thrashing, biting, kicking, vomiting 'patient' down flights of stairs (public building) and on to a gurney. There were days when I seriously considered burning my uniform instead of getting it professionally cleaned/sanitized.

I'm with you on this one, Monkey Man. Time was, LEO would haul inebriates off to the 'drunk tank' for a sleepoff. Now, they get tax-payer subsidized special delivery to an overcrowded ER.

WTF just about covers it.

Autumnforest said...

Freaking hell, MM. You crack me up! I love the idea of taking the keys and make him come to the station to get them.

kkrige said...

Neener, neener! Your blog and I am going to laugh right along with you Monkey. Love that they shook him and shook him, then gave up to call an ambulance? Aren't they supposed to be trained in some kind of CPR or something? He sounded so drunk that he wouldn't have noticed if they punched him in the face, but a nice bit of smelling salts will do wonders I guess.

Brian Miller said...

snort...what a waste of a beer...i am just glad he fell asleep before he got it in drive...small graces eh?

Cloudia said...

Wah wah wah!




Aloha from Hawaii


Comfort Spiral

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Marla said...

Exactly! The thing that fries my buns is that my taxes end up paying for this nonsense. Dump his beer in his lap, toss him on his lawn and impound the car with his wife/mother/grandmother/sister (whoever happens to be the bigger nag). Then call it a night.

Mayberry knew how to handle Otis for heavens sake.

MorningAJ said...

Oh - just slip off the handbrake and push the gearstick to 'drive' then leave him to his fate! He's not going to know any better and his relatives would probably be happy to get rid of him!

budh.aaah said...

Ha right you are. And tis a sad state of things when such a case has to be handled with kid gloves because of fear of attorneys and mishandling/misuse of the law by people.

Tabor said...

I am assuming they called an ambulance because if he died in the car, they would be responsible...not him and his drinking.

the walking man said...

Your solution of taking the keys and leaving the note after locking him in his car would have been the right one. I despise that people are still so stupor stupid they have to drink until they are total morons and then drive.

Adsila said...

It is too bad the days of Andy Taylor and Barnie tossing you in an unlocked jail for the night while you sleep it off is over...

The Bipolar Diva said...

Where in the hell do you find these stories? lol

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

They'd never just leave a note like you've suggested... they can't make any money off of that!

Jannie Funster said...

Beer in cans makes me sad. Even Guiness. Not that i like Guiness. But it's bottled beer for me all the way!! Heineken my fave these days.

xo