Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What The Hell Wednesday - Live Forever

This week's edition of WTHW will be very short. You see, someone is actually paying the Monkey Man money to show up on a daily basis and perform a task for which he is suited. Okay, wise guys, I know you are going to comment on that and that alone, but please at least take the time to consider this little excerpt I took from my daily local paper - The Oregonian.

The article, "Sit-up, take notice and live longer", written by Joe Rojas-Burke, says : "Researchers tested muscular fitness in more than 8,000 Canadian men and women and tracked their survival for 13 years. Those with the lowest sit-up scores were twice as likely to die as those able to do the most sit-up."

First, I had no idea Canadians could do sit-ups without spilling their Molsons. But the BIG deal here is that you can now live forever if you do sit-ups. I mean, it says it right there - if you don't do sit-ups you are "twice as likely to die" meaning no sit-ups = death while sit-ups = eternal life. WOW! I am guessing Jack LaLane must have stopped doing sit ups.

So that's all my friends. As I am sure you are all saying to yourselves "Someone hired Monkey Man?? What the Hell?"

17 comments:

Deborah said...

no sit-ups = death ... eek, well that's me finished then!

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

So I'll be dying soon, apparently. Or wait, was that just for Canadians? How about North American beer drinkers in general?

(Congrats on the new job, MM! I presume your new job isn't doing sit-ups!)

Autumnforest said...

So, MM, you got a job throwing poo at tourists? That is what monkeys are qualified for, right? Congrats, bud!

Mister Sharaf said...

interesting

Possum said...

...for 13 years??? WTF !!!
Not 5 or 10 or whatever but THIRTEEN!

Brian Miller said...

i will be starting my sit up routine tonight...

hedgewitch said...

Did they mention that you can't drink a cold one lying down? Of course they sat up...pass out sit up--it's a natural routine.

Gratz on the gainful employment, MM Enjoy the first flush of good feelings before the soul-killing drudgery sets in next week.

Me said...

Ha. The Canadian gov't probably funded that study. There's my tax dollars at work, people! :)

And, by the way... I'm drinking a Molson Canadian *right now*. How did you know?!? :)
-C

PS - congrats on the job!

Mama Zen said...

But, I'm pretty sure that I'll die if I try to do a sit-up!

kkrige said...

I'm with Mama Zen there. Although I do accomplish a couple every day; alarm goes off, sit up, stare at clock, smash the buzzer, lie back down, alarm rings again, sit up, stare at clock...

phew, time for a nap for this tired Canuck!

Enchanted Oak said...

Sloppy writing in the Oregonian, dang it.

And yep, I'm chomping at the bit to know what gainful employment means to you.

the walking man said...

I sit up when I am not laying down.

Chris said...

Haha that's funny! Congrats on employment; I am looking for some myself!

Adsila said...

I would comment on what you are doing and getting paid for it, but I have to get back to my situps.

joanny said...

Oh this is scary -- I am starting to think like you -- I thought along the same lines. Cliches abound to make an argument strong or so it seems.

Too many projects has kept me from posting and commenting of late, so I am working my way backwards in the week...

joanny

masterymistery said...

yes, but monkey man, these days it's so easy, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Too easy. As easy as throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Can happen to anyone.

As our culture disintegrates under the weight of its own shite, we rely more and more on advertising to provide higher meaning and purpose, and to fill the gaping hole in our souls, that we ripped while trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Nine out of ten owners said their cats preferred it. Who are we to argue with that?

masterymistery at
cosmic rapture

Marla said...

Does your new job involve sit ups?