Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What the Hell Wednesday - This Sucks

Last week I mentioned the dilemma I had in having to choose between two pretty dang good stories and only teased a story about a woman beating her boyfriend with a vacuum cleaner. Well, friends, here it is in all its gory, er, I mean, glory.

Vancouver
Woman arrested in attack with vacuum

A 41-year-old man suffered massive head injuries when is girlfriend allegedly struck him several times with a vacuum cleaner, the Clark County Sheriff's Office reported.

Michelle D. Hawn, 37, of the Hazel Dell area was booked into the county jail on accusations of first degree assault/domestic assault, said Sgt. John Horch, a sheriff's spokesman.

Deputies were called about 5:50 p.m. Tuesday to a residence in the 10800 block of Northeast Highway 99. They found an unconscious man with a bleeding head wound.

Todd Proetel was listed in critical condition without regaining consciousness at Southwest Washington Medical Center.

Noelle Crombie, The Oregonian

So why is she beating him with a vacuum cleaner? Did she come home to some illicit and slightly twisted love affair between her boyfriend and the vacuum? Or was it just the nearest object for her to use as a weapon?

Michelle - "Oh my God, Todd. What's with the wig and lipstick on the vacuum cleaner?"

Todd - "What vacuum? You know I don't do no woman's work around the trailer."

Michelle - "What vacuum! The one attached to your zipper, you freak. Here. If you love that vacuum so much let me get it a little closer to you."

Todd - "Aaaaaaa. That's not what I had in mind."

I don't know about any one else's history with vacuum cleaners, but my vacuum isn't light, even when it's not attached to someone's appendage. This Michelle must be one strong lady to be able to swing a vacuum AND make contact. I am sure there may be some major league baseball teams who might want an interview after she gets out of the pokey.

There are two things I am very sure of about this story. The first is that alcohol was involved. I mean, really, how could it not. The second is the reaction of the police upon entering the "residence" and seeing a man beaten bloody with a vacuum cleaner. They looked at each other and simply said, "What the Hell?"

If you came here looking for my One Shot Wednesday...scroll down.

13 comments:

MorningAJ said...

There's an old saying about "no woman ever shot a man while he was doing the housework". So he obviously wasn't cleaning carpets with it! :)

Do you have Henry cleaners over there? I could probably just about lift one of those and smack someone's head with it if I was angry. They even have a convenient handle......

anthonynorth said...

This is what happens when you reverse suction. You come to blows ;-)

A Daft Scots Lass said...

lol @ anthonynorth

Nothing sucks like Electrolux or is that nothing fucksyourhubby up like Electrolux.

Go Gurlfriend!

Brian Miller said...

dang...were there pictures of this vacuum swinging lady...

Subby said...

I woulda said th' same thing...I mean, it's not every day you see someone done in by a Hoover...

...but I wonder if her first shot was a "sucker" punch..?

Tabor said...

Ah, the clue must be in the brand of vacuum.

Mona said...

I was thinking the same. Where did she get all that strength to swing a vaccum cleaner!

PattiKen said...

Yikes. Well, at least she hit him in the head. Could have been worse.

william said...

very interesting, must have been all she had handy, could have been worse, like a knife or a plate.. thank you for visiting me, very kind ..

Wild Rose said...

Haha this was a funny write and had the same question someone posed..Where did she get the strength to swing the vacuum cleaner? Thanks for stopping by my blog as well :)

Shadow said...

yikes! i'd have picked many a household item as being a potential weapon, but not a vacuum cleaner... shows what i know, hee hee heeee

Tina said...

Yes, definitely alcohol. Perhaps a teeth count is in order as well It's just you gave us such a vivid image of this...I saw toothless man...

Marla said...

Another good argument for keeping me away from the vacuum. I could seriously hurt someone.