Last week I mentioned the dilemma I had in having to choose between two pretty dang good stories and only teased a story about a woman beating her boyfriend with a vacuum cleaner. Well, friends, here it is in all its gory, er, I mean, glory.
Woman arrested in attack with vacuum
A 41-year-old man suffered massive head injuries when is girlfriend allegedly struck him several times with a vacuum cleaner, the Clark County Sheriff's Office reported.
Michelle D. Hawn, 37, of the Hazel Dell area was booked into the county jail on accusations of first degree assault/domestic assault, said Sgt. John Horch, a sheriff's spokesman.
Deputies were called about 5:50 p.m. Tuesday to a residence in the 10800 block of Northeast Highway 99. They found an unconscious man with a bleeding head wound.
Todd Proetel was listed in critical condition without regaining consciousness at Southwest Washington Medical Center.
Noelle Crombie, The Oregonian
So why is she beating him with a vacuum cleaner? Did she come home to some illicit and slightly twisted love affair between her boyfriend and the vacuum? Or was it just the nearest object for her to use as a weapon?
Michelle - "Oh my God, Todd. What's with the wig and lipstick on the vacuum cleaner?"
Todd - "What vacuum? You know I don't do no woman's work around the trailer."
Michelle - "What vacuum! The one attached to your zipper, you freak. Here. If you love that vacuum so much let me get it a little closer to you."
Todd - "Aaaaaaa. That's not what I had in mind."
I don't know about any one else's history with vacuum cleaners, but my vacuum isn't light, even when it's not attached to someone's appendage. This Michelle must be one strong lady to be able to swing a vacuum AND make contact. I am sure there may be some major league baseball teams who might want an interview after she gets out of the pokey.
There are two things I am very sure of about this story. The first is that alcohol was involved. I mean, really, how could it not. The second is the reaction of the police upon entering the "residence" and seeing a man beaten bloody with a vacuum cleaner. They looked at each other and simply said, "What the Hell?"
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