Give me a break, Kelley.

So there I am sitting around minding my own business (wasting time) reading up on blogs I blew off over the weekend. (Yes, I do try to have a life outside of the blog0sphere - Mrs. MM would otherwise divorce me) when BAM Kelley at Kelley's break room hits me in the face with this big green blogger award.

Okay, so that's not really how it happened. What I was doing was reading her fine, funny blog about how this award asks her to write about ten things she likes. I am laughing and having a good time until I see my name on a list. Yup. There it is - Monkey Man - and I'm thinking "Shit, I have only been reading and commenting on her blog for a few weeks now. Did I tick her off and now she is getting back at me?"

So I graciously accept the "Award" and thank all the appropriate people keeping religion and higher deities off the list. There are enough sports figures, actors and rappers thanking them, they don't need it from me. Besides, religion is not my thing.

So here is my list of ten things I like followed by ten blogs I will pass this on to.

ONE: Chocolate - I LOVE chocolate. Dark. Milk. With bacon. With sea salt. With ginger (or Mary Ann). It is so good and the best thing about chocolate is that if it rots out all your teeth, you can still eat it because you don't need to chew it. Just put a piece between your tongue and the roof of your mouth and let it melt. Oh man, better stop now.

TWO: My Big Stupid Dog "Ezmond" - He is a pit bull and the sweetest most obedient dog I have ever had. The breed has a bad rap.

THREE: Disc Golf with my son - I used to throw Frisbee with buddies in the 'quad' during college. Usually loaded out of our gourds. Now my son and I get a bit of exercise and bonding all in the name of never letting him win. I am incorrigible.

FOUR: Football - You know how I said I have a life on weekends, well, this is it. Watching football. I twitch. I flinch. I have so much body movement watching it on tv you would think I am on the field. It is a wonderful waste of time.

FIVE: My chiropractor - With all the frisbee disc golf, I need a good back crackin' every now and then.

SIX: Sunday 160 - Okay this is a blatant plug for a micro fiction I host, but what the hell. I like it. Check out this week's. Right here.

SEVEN: Oatmeal Cookies - Preferably with raisins, but always and most often after begging Mrs. MM on bended knee for a late night sugar fix. (Yes, there are times when chocolate just won't do the trick.) Last night was nirvana - Monday Night Football and homemade oatmeal cookies. She is so good to me.

EIGHT: Bacon - (Are you noticing a common thread weaving through this meme?) Who doesn't like bacon? Everything is better with bacon....even bacon. I have had Bacon Chocolate, Bacon Salt, Bacon Explosion and the list goes on. Do check out the recipe I link to on the Bacon Explosion....it's heart stopping. I double up on my statin after eating that stuff.

NINE: Electricity - Without electricity I wouldn't be writing this wonderful blog, reading all of your wonderful blogs, cooking bacon or oatmeal cookies, watching football or doing any number of things that keep me fat and lazy. Yes, E-lec-tri-city, we love it.

TEN: Books - Okay, this was also on Kelley's list, but it is true. I love reading and I love books. For those who live in my area you are no doubt familiar with Powell's Books. For those who aren't, follow the link. We are blessed to have an internationally renown book store in our great city. People come from all over the world to explore, read and buy. It is awesome.

And now ten blogger to pass this on to. Mind you, you don't have to write this "ten things I like" deal if you don't want to, but I want to recognize you as newer blogs I follow and enjoy.

The Caterpillar Uprising
Absolutely Narcissism

Live Dream Love

Butts and Ashes

The Jannaverse

Ghost Hunting Theories

Unknown Mami

Is that a promise or a threat?

From Ashes to Beauty

Laughing Monkey Stick

Well, I guess now you know everything there is to know about me. Thanks for allowing me to expose myself, Kelley. Hope you enjoyed. Also, I don't think I have ever in my two year bloggy life included as many links as I have in this post. It was exhausting. See you for What the Hell Wednesday. (Guess I still needed another link and more shameless promotion.)

Sunday 160 - Fall's Cold

A golden eye squeezed open

and greeted the misty morning haze

with a shiver, unable to shake the chill.

Even a fiery display of color

couldn't warm fall’s cold.
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For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
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There are a few Oregonians out there who will recognize this setting.

For those of you from other areas, this is Mt. Hood.

Just an hour from downtown Portland.

Flash Fiction 55 - Beached

Skeletal remains picked to the bone

from days or weeks

of bobbing and tossing

in the surf

finally landed

on a deserted shore.

Nearly unrecognizable extremities

reached out in awkward directions
for the answer to the question –

Why?

Why had I been torn

unmercifully from my home?

Why now just a discarded piece of art?

_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55
hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -
Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

Or if you want yet another challenge write a Sunday 160.

Like a text message, the Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces)
Keep on schedule - post Sunday
Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site
Visit at least one other Sunday 160

What The Hell Wednesday - Braaains!! (or lack there of)

As we approach Halloween, it only seems appropriate that What The Hell Wednesday start featuring a few scary bits of stupidity. Okay, all of these in their own little way are a bit scary. I mean, after all, we are all of the same species...isn't that a scary enough thought in itself?

So this week we travel to Colorado where we find a very creatively thinking thug using his imagination to its best ability.

Colorado man says he thought officer was a zombie

BOULDER, Colo. — A man accused of shooting at a Longmont police officer trying to arrest him says he did so because he thought he was being chased by a zombie.

Twenty-two-year-old Brandon Duke was in court Friday and pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity to the charge of attempted first-degree murder and other charges. Authorities say an officer ran after Duke and was trying to arrest him on an outstanding warrant.

Duke told investigators he thought the officer was a zombie and he shot at him because he was trying to protect himself. The officer shot Duke, striking him in the torso and arm.

Duke will undergo a mental health evaluation and is scheduled in court again Dec. 3.

What kind of drugs was Brandon Duke on anyway? Police = Zombie. Good one, Brandon. Did the "I thought the woman's husband was chasing me" excuse already run its course? What about the "I was just out jogging and hate to lose a race, so I shot at him" excuse. That one always worked for me. (Not really, but I do hate to lose at anything.)

Now, surely once he got to court and the defense attorney heard the "Zombie" excuse, he jumped all over it. "Hey, kid. Why don't you just plead insanity and we can get you off on a lesser charge? That Policeman equals Zombie thing was quick thinking. I'm going to remember that one. I have a few clients that can use it." Don't you just love our judicial system.

So now Brandon undergoes a "Mental Health Evaluation". Well, of course he's insane. Any idiot who is out there stealing, having an arrest record and shooting at police is nuts. Do we really need these genes floating around the species? I don't think so. Although my guess is he is probably already a "baby daddy", let's snip this potential idiot breeder now before we have several little idiots out there shooting at "Zombies". Too bad the officer didn't shoot just a little lower.

Can you imagine the horror felt by the policeman as he was being shot at by some punk with a minor criminal offense? I am glad he was able to defend himself and hope that Brandon said, "What the Hell?" when the "Zombie" shot back.

Sunday 160 - Happy Anniversary

She glided down the aisle

with confidence and grace.

My heart raced

filling my veins

with everlasting love.

It was eighteen years ago

and I still feel it today.
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October 9, 1992 was the date Mrs. MM and I were married. It was a simple ceremony with immediate family and friends. Love flowed freely. Since this is our anniversary weekend, I won't be checking Sunday 160 blogs until Monday at the earliest.

Thank you all for your continued participation. Have a solid Sunday.
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For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
_____________________

New Life's Reality - 55

For days their curiosity had built

as they walked past the pad locked door

at the top of the stairs.

All wondered what the mysterious space held.

Even their father stood staring,

bolt cutters in hand.

The home owners had been taken away

to a Japanese internment camp.

What family treasures had they left behind?
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This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
________________________

The mysterious pad locked door was at the top of the stairs in a home my Mother's family rented in Hood River, Oregon. It was the early 1940's and anyone of Japanese descent was a potential spy, so off they went - entire families - to internment camps. Leaving behind homes, possessions and any semblance of a normal life. My mother lived in one of those lives left behind.

What the Hell Wednesday - Would you like soup with that?

While we had fun at Michigan's expense last week, this week we return to the beloved South where drinking and driving appears to be a way of life. You may remember our friend who stole a tractor for a beer run. If not, just refresh your memory with this look at a past post - Put Down the Beer and the Gun. Or if you're just too excited to review, then get on with it and check out how Grannie tries to sweet talk the police in Ocala, Florida.

Cop: Grandma in DUI offered sandwich

OCALA, Fla., Oct. 2 (UPI) -- A police officer in Florida says a grandmother tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by offering to make him a grilled cheese sandwich.

If Elsie Wright O'Conner, 65, tried the ploy, it did not work. She was arrested Thursday night and charged with driving under the influence, the Ocala Star-Banner reports.

In his report, Marion County Deputy Calvin Batts said he responded to a call about an erratic driver and pulled O'Conner over. He said he smelled alcohol on her breath and found two Skyy vodka bottles in her Cadillac sport utility vehicle, one empty and one half-full.

O'Conner failed a field sobriety test, Batts said. At the county jail, her blood-alcohol level tested at more than three times the legal limit of 0.08.

"Come on now, I'm a grandma, can't you do something for me since I'm not that bad," Batts said O'Conner told him. "I could have brought you back to my house and made you a grilled cheese sandwich."

Wait a minute!!?! I thought vodka was the odorless alcohol. Maybe Grannie O'Conner thought so too. But at three times the legal limit for blood alcohol level, there just might be a slight smell of booze. Jeez, I'm guessing the bottles found in the vehicle weren't your airline size bottles. Which means grannie can toss 'em back with the best of 'em. Takes me back to my drinking days when a fifth was just the right sized drink. Glad I don't have to suffer that any more.

So, I digress. Don't you just love her approach?

Deputy Batts: M'am? Have you been drinking?

Grannie O': Maybe just a touch, officer. But not enough to make me forget my manners. My momma always said "If a gentleman pulls you over for crossing the center line, be sure to offer him a grilled cheese sandwich."

Now you would think being in the South the offer would be just slightly more ethnic, like cookin' up a mess 'o grits or servin' up some sweet potato pie or hush puppies or some such stereotypical Southern comfort food. But a grilled cheese sandwich???

Don't get me wrong. I love a good grilled cheese sandwich and pride myself as the world's best grilled cheese sandwich maker, but c'mon...this is the South. Let's get creative. Then again, what kind of a southern name is O'Conner. It's a wonder she didn't offer him up corned beef and cabbage.

Anyway you look at it, I am sure Deputy Batts professionally refrained from laughing, then turned and asked himself...."What the Well?"

One Shot Wednesday - The Touch

The great silent tree shudders at a tender touch

Even through thick bark built up over decades

Long, slender, graceful fingers penetrate the shield

Leaving the great tree bare to its emotions

The tree touches back

Groaning, "I'm home."

Moisture dripping from the tips of it leaves

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Follow this link for more One Shot Wednesday poems.

Sunday 160 - Too Green?

Young, green and innocent,

his whole life lay ahead of him.

Little did he know

that an evil man

with an extremely sharp knife

had other ideas about his future.

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For the original Sunday 160 post click here.
If you wish to take the challenge, here is a quick look at the rules:

1. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces).
2. Keep on schedule - post Sunday.
3. Let me know you have posted via a comment on my site.
4. Visit at least one other Sunday 160.
____________________

Driving me crazy - 55

The scream pierced the air

with a decibel level high enough to shatter glass.

His foot slammed to the floorboard

with a force that shook the vehicle

to the base of its motor mounts.

But would it be enough?

Teaching your son to drive

required a subtle mastery of emotion

he was still working on.
_________________________

This is a Flash Fiction Friday 55

hosted by Mr. Knowitall.

For more 55's pay him a visit -

Mr. Knowitall.
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